This Poem was Submitted By: Michael Bird On Date: 2012-04-23 21:54:51 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Help me I`m falling

I think I`m falling for you No one can save me but you Never really thought I`d meet someone like you I never thought this could happen You give me strange sensations That won`t go away Falling,falling For you How can I tell you Its not a game I play I only want to fall in love with you I will never be the same Ever since we met I felt this way Falling,falling Nothing else even matters Now there`s possibilities You gave me new directions And changed everything I think I`m falling for you Falling,falling for you

Copyright © April 2012 Michael Bird

Additional Notes:
For Mel,and a very promising future for us

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2012-04-29 23:24:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Uplifting positive poem that is all about the new happiness found in a new relationship. My personal preference would be to tighten in up and leave out unnecessary words but again my personal opinion. There seems to be to many "I's" - that could be taken out to tighten up the verses without taking the message in the poem away from it. My best to you & Mel, blessings, Deni

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-04-26 15:36:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Michael this is beautiful. It doesnt really rhyme anywhere so I call it prose. Actually, it would make an awesome song! There are things you could do to make it more colorful as prose. I'll try to make some decent suggestions for you. Maybe it'll spark something thats real for you, that you could use. In your first line: drop the word 'you'. Just that you are falling is a great beginning. And, you use the same word (you) over and over. You could also drop it on this line: Never really thought I`d meet someone (like you) That way, you could still leave it here: I only want to fall in love with you It seems like that is essential there. But maybe not so much in those other lines. After that, it is well thought out and deserves to be left as it is. Your last verse is really good. It puts a spin on things and it gives you all the hope and encouragement for the future. I really think you should use 'help me I think I'm falling, falling, for you' as part of a chorus for a great jazz piece! ~smiles~ Ellen I like it!
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