This Poem was Submitted By: Medard Louis Lefevre Jr. On Date: 2012-05-24 18:43:00 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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definition: I get what I deserve the day is over
the last visible light extinguished
what was done
what was accomplished
did the human race advance
was there love to be given
I know no more than ever
if anything, probably less
a sine wave is trying
to become a circle
it is the definition
of a hopeless quest
I no longer expect anything
except the hurt
except to be hurt
except to feel hurt
I get what I deserve
once I heard
"death be not proud"
I wonder if it even notices
the souls that it sweeps away
I get what I deserve
lost confusion
lost definition
a life pissed away
to an unfeeling norm
to an uncaring god
to a precarious life
to what, whom, and where
nothing really matters
unless I decide it does
because in the end
beyond the final chapter
past the appendices
the only thing that scored
the only consequence that registered
in this stupid and unloving
brilliant and exquisite existence
is what I love
what I hate
what loves me
what damns me
what I remember
and what I (choose to) forget
nothing will be left
except for a memory
in the minds of those
who once thought of me
I get what I deserve
by a life defined
by unfulfilled narcissism
and self-indulgence |
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Copyright © May 2012 Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2012-06-07 19:05:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Medard,
Too long and drawn out. Could be more concise.
Idea is good and heart felt though.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-06-07 00:57:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.16667
Hello poet!!
your anger slapped me before I realized what the problem is! your words run so fast, its hard not to scream them !
and the hopelessness....ugh yes, theres always that...your self-indulgence is a common course for people when we feel these things that you describe. I have alot of those thoughts myself sometimes so I can 'feel them'...
except I never have the anger you express.
That is a huge draw that will suck any reader in, and puts the piece into life, more than just a melancholy tale of dispair; its more a call to action with its forceful projections. (better than head banging-lol)
I wont say that I'm glad I read. I will say that Im glad you shared those feelings, and that I found them here.
I expect your next few writes will reflect these individualy. Im looking forward to your smile one day....~smile~~
Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-06-04 17:44:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Medard,
This poem is full of despair and anguish. I hope this is not biographical but is speaks of depression perfectly. I like your descriptive words, the easy flow and the theme, albeit sad. Good alliteration in what/whom/where. I think all of us have these feelings of desperation once in a while but it usally passes without doing harm. Well done.
Best wishes,
cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ashni Irey On Date: 2012-05-31 09:36:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Medard,
A very harsh coming-to-face with the choices one has made.. I can feel the intensity with which the person in the poem deplores his own self-absorbed living and the strength with which he recognizes and accepts the results of his actions.
I dwelled a long time on the lines
a sine wave is trying
to become a circle
I must say it set my thoughts into much momentum.. beautiful lines.. I arrive at the sine wave.. trying to progress.. it is a form that has its ups and downs, yet can progress.. but the circle.. it is endless.. it is the same beaten path over and over again.. but the sine wave thinks the circle is more defined... more familiar.. and wants hopelessly to become the circle..
I find it to be a beautiful metaphorical expression.. and shall take the liberty of quoting it when I see a fool on a hopeless quest in the future (if I have the good fortune of meeting one who fits the description!)
I loved the food for thought.. keep it coming!
Best wishes,
Ash
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