This Poem was Submitted By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2012-07-10 18:56:36 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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She Brings (with correction to second line)

her morning song her late evening skirts  gathered about calling succor for her daughters creatures of color—hues of birth songs  ethereal resonance They said, “we mean no harm”, we cooed holding the diminutive body  quivering in early morning mist— what are these reactionaries (does not the blade of grass weep for the flower shorn of bud) the babies utter soft secrets the ones that lie on toasted leaves to flutter with mornings breath—dew glistened, christening… In the face of humanities loss  men of long tooth have given to their cups bewildered at the refusal for divine intervention a cosmic harmony— why do you want to hide the truths— perhaps to hide the sin within?

Copyright © July 2012 Lora Silvey


This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-07-31 11:18:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Lora, you have me coming and going. I have dissected and rebuilt. So, what I will grant you is my notes on the disassembly and reassembly. I find the woman to have travailed in childbirth- given the world her daughters, raised them and they were her joy S2L1. The as autumn comes and presupposes winter (a metaphor for death), the morning also comes but with alterations and harbors both promise and unfulfilled promise. Yet the mornings innocence is clear. S1L1 S4L3. The loss of hope (daughter’s demise) is a character flaw in those tending to the future. S3L2,L4-5 S5L2-3 Wisdom is an learned trait. The Youthful haven’t learned to communicate and therefore the secrets of their soul can only be presumed. S4L1 S3L1. The deity is looked to for guidance and consolation and those looking for such explanations either misinterpret or note that there is no such assistance. S3L4 S4L3 And in your final analysis, there is both blame for those who create the havoc and those who refuse (or cannot) see the truth. S3L4 S6L1-2 I haven’t enough information to attend to a significant occurrence that would spur the piece. Another clue maybe. I will say also in stanza one, the characterization of the woman moving forward in romance is brilliant, as is the subject of her daughters and their affect on her life. I cannot say that I am any farther along in the specific understanding of the piece. I feel that daughters were killed by a drunk driver, or there is a metaphor for children being sent to war. Just not enough. I hope I covered at least some of what you meant.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Wanda S. Thibodeaux On Date: 2012-07-22 02:12:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello Lora, This is an interesting poem. Well written, concise, flow is natural and gentle. Favorite lines: Causes a warm feeling of harmony in your heart. "the babies utter soft secrets the ones that lie on toasted leaves to flutter with mornings breath-dew glistened, christening... "Why do you want to hide the truths- perhaps to hide the sin within?" I question hiding truth and sin here. Maybe you will explain. If anything needs changing, I don't see it, Lora. Good poem and I enjoyed reading it. Great work to get the brain moving. Sincerely, Wanda
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