This Poem was Submitted By: Donna Carter Soles On Date: 2012-07-21 18:00:00 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Black Diamond

'Tis only fair, to one I bid adieu; I'm chided by a creed, not bound by will. If love is age, then that love could be you. If age be love, then fountains I must fill. His youthful fall to thine, as time 'gainst time? The devil knows an angel - once was one. I'd rather pluck a flower rich in prime, Than feed a seedling in the rising sun. I've felt your hair of black, 'tis black as coal; Eyes etched with knowledge dark, and passion true. His hair gleams glorious as molten gold; His elfin eyes are innocently blue.   How may I make my choice, and how compare?   Young love is bright, but black diamonds are rare.  

Copyright © July 2012 Donna Carter Soles

Additional Notes:
When I say, "fountains I must fill," I am making a general reference to the Fountain of Youth.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-08-07 12:06:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello Donna. This is the first of your work I have read. I'm really glad I did! This is a great piece! I love to discover 'hidden' wisdom as I read! I like your title, and the way you brought it through to the end. I did find a distraction tho. At furst you use the word 'you' but later switch to 'his'. I had to ponder as to wheather there were 2 lovers involved. I like the notion that there is only 1 as I think it brings things together. I read it through as if you were only talking about 1 other. Hope thats what you meant! I really enjoyed this!! ~smiles~~ Ellen

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-07-29 10:51:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Donna, first- of you note. Should this poem pass on to the archives of readers- your note will be absent or considered a detriment to a well-constructed poem. I would suggest, no note and change L2 & L4 to add one more clue, or even give the reader a clue in L4- something like example –spry fountains I must fill- to add the dimension of youth into your verse. After such, let the reader figure out their own thoughts on the matter. L5 through L8 my feel is that the devil would rather destroy beauty than nurture life (beauty). It is a great anecdote. I could make a case of the comparison of diamonds and their hues- or for the choice of love, of eyes and hair- where the raven haired is chosen. -Young love- referring once more to L2 through L4 speaks of a passion, not only for love itself, but also for recalling and wishing for the love of the writers youth, and the love of youth itself when seen from an aging premise. There are many aspects to this piece. I hope as you write, in your own personal notes; you keep the story alive for posterity.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wanda S. Thibodeaux On Date: 2012-07-22 02:31:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Donna, You won't believe this but today I was going over the list of all poets who are on this site with the intention of emailing several every day to ask them to submit a poem. You were the first on my list, is that not strange? It looks like everyone has gone away. Maybe it's just summer vacation time. I've bought some credits but not posted yet. I love a lot about this poem. My absolute favorite lines: "I'd rather pluck a flower rich in prime, Than feed a seedling in the rising sun." This poem is musical to me, has a happy beat. Black diamonds should never beat out young love if it is true love. I think this piece is adorable. Well done, Donna. I would not change a thing. Sincerely my best, Wanda
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