This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-08-11 17:46:33 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Grackles have come north again no one greets them with joy like we do Robins I see Geese are rowing high above in a marshmallow sky and Grackles view me as a welcoming committee of one as I throw more corn Their voice is no more melodious than unadjusted brakes or an unoiled door hinge I rather like the song of these big handsome birds whose feathers shine like a newly polished car or purple satin Their eyes are as sharp as jackknives carved of obsidian and rainbows I stand in awe of Nature

Copyright © August 2012 cheyenne smyth

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2012-08-18 02:14:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Cheyenne, I'm glad to see you're writing more free verse. To write well in traditional forms and meter one must approach poetry more like a musician, getting into the flow and yielding the content (somewhat) to the direction, which has a life of its own. I'll bet most of the great poems (lyric poetry, not epic or tragic) were not preconceived or content driven. The place from which the rhythm comes is also the place of ultimate meaning, and will provide the "substance." Ironically, free verse will open you to the flow so that, when you return to meter and traditional form - and you will at times, maybe even as a preference - it will more natural and powerful for you. Again, great to see you letting yourself go in free verse. And look forward to the subsequent return to meter and fixed forms. We'll see if I'm right. :) MSS

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-08-14 11:57:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Oh, thank you for a fresh insight into a 'troublesome' bird! Around here (kansas prairie) they are so pesky that the city fires blanks to shoo them off the downtown streets! I have admired their beauty, despised their noise, and always hate the notion of them stealing all the corn and seed! Funny thing, the pretty white doves (Incan, Euroasian) will fight like mad hogs to keep them out. Those birds look so peaceful and so serene, and yet they are very aggresive. Then comes the Grackle, the community of peaceful existance.... You have opened my eyes! Your discriptions are perfect. I especially like the way you describe their eyes. Eyes are not something that you get to look into often-not on a bird anyway. Also the song, you got it! It doesnt sound so pretty tho, when it comes in droves and conceals the true music of the other birds. I needed this fresh approach. I'm a nature lover too but need to be reminded sometimes, that beauty is really everywhere. Awesome and delightful~ Smiles, Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-08-12 13:57:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
cheyenne, maintaining a love/hate relationship with birds I am well qualified to define the verse to the creature. Of course, haters and lovers all probably feel the same way. So, of the verse, or ode to grackles, well… I only really have two critiques, I think it should be consolidated into fewer, more powerful lines, and (since you are describing a specific creature) your final two lines go too far astray from the subject. Make me love the object of your desire. Of the creature itself? I think you have described well the properties of these birds. There are other, less embraceable features, but that would be a story of another vein. I also found it candid that you enjoy the varied song. Of this I have no feelings; now my disdain for crows and blue jay’s grating dissonance is also another story as is their propensity for dominating the morning and evening. Grackles have no such vices. A special kudos goes to your description –purple satin – and –obsidian rainbows- both are spot on for anyone looking closely at the birds. They also do a great job of scavenging the organic refuse, and the re-depositing it as recycled pastels. I always do love a look at what creation has provided the world.
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