To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
Maple Tree He carved our names in the bark of a maple tree leaving deep scars that never fade despite the rain despite the storm Sometimes I softly trace the indentations exposing whispers in every curve of time They are as silent today as yesterday when last I came A gentle breeze skips about the leaves leaving them in complete disarray Jeweled glints of sun enshroud the misery in my soul with golden memories that live in shadows of my mind Our names engraved with love the only constant in my life, except for his echoes I hear now and then |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2012-08-28 01:26:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Cheyenne,
I like the sentiment, honest, heartfelt, wise. I like the simple, fresh, natural tone. There is something about the execution though that holds me back. One of those poems where the substance and the voice excel, but the execution doesn't rise to the occasion in some way. It's almost as if you have to either heighten the artifice or make it even simpler, more natural. For me, there's either too much artifice or not enough in the finished product.
MSS