This Poem was Submitted By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-09-01 14:28:38 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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ode to summers end come on baby, take my hand
lets go look for untamed land
~~
I love the summer and the sun
party in the backyard pool~~
dancing in the street
cowboy boots and bare feet
~~
watermelon and lemonade
fanning my face in the shade
~~
come on sugar, squeeze my hand
take me into your promised land
~~
Lets go deep into the field
make the wheat lay down
and nobody can see for miles around
and we can play out what we feel
~~ ~
goodbye dreams
goodbye fun
I cant say it, but I know
the end of summer comes. |
|
Copyright © September 2012 Ellen K Lewis
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-09-19 16:46:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Ellen, I hate to see summer end, but end it must. I like the way you wrote this piece and the expressive words you used. Each line has been well crafted and urges the reader to keep reading. You have a nice rhyme and the theme is creative. Well done.
Best wishes,
cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2012-09-08 03:44:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Ellen,
You used very youthful thougts to describe summer. Your summer experience must be memorable with your loved one. How I long to not to end a summer time. Your presentation is simple yet full of imagery. I enjoyed it very much.Thanks for sharing!
Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-09-04 14:30:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
A wonderful sweet, passionate, fun piece. Some of it I did this weekend, (unfortunately no two steppin’ and wheat layin’.
A couple quick suggesting, S4L2 take me to your promised land (for meter reasons)
S5L4 as we play out what we feel (once again to smoothe the meter)
I played this piece again and again. I know it was about summer, but I felt there was a grander metaphor, of life and living-
That summer has its fun, but cedes to other interests, and life also is the same, at phases of its development.
I also saw in the metaphor from the summer analogy, that life also moves in cycles. Give it time and it will come around to fun again (we hope).
Anyway, it was summer’s fun however it was meant to be.
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