This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-10-01 17:14:12 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Metaphor

I wandered till I came upon the glade used for summer festival’s dance but remnants of scorched grass and trampled earth were still prevalent and stumps served as benches where I sat to remember you painful and sad in its exactness And about me the trees were cloaked in wait where the crows with ebony eyes roosted the only movement came from laden skies as one by one they landed on branches I threw a stone at the nearest but it just fluttered up and down again I ached in love and let myself wallow in the metaphor before me

Copyright © October 2012 cheyenne smyth

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-10-13 10:38:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
cheyenne, there are so many things that this can be applied to, of love, of politics, of this site, of you and your life, of me and my life; it is poignant. Of the metaphor, you were able to add a universality, and yet I never left you sitting on the stump. You were always there, and I felt an empathy for you, and for me, and for everyone, particularly for you. I despise crows with a passion, so I threw the rock with you, and as usual, they dodge it. Some may say the inevitability of life’s occurances sustain themselves, but one must conitinue to believe there is hope. Although there is no active hope in this piece, the indirect ability to cause movement of the scavengers, reflects the hope, as does the actual term –metaphor- in this piece. Metaphors are often predeliction, not necessarily actual endings. I sat with you and –ached in love- and that is enough for me.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-10-11 00:50:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I wandered till I came upon the glade used for summer festival’s dance remnants of scorched grass and trampled earth were still prevalent and stumps served as benches where I sat to remember you painful and sad in its exactness I think 'exactness' is less effective than might be 'vastness' ? Either way, a place that this one can make you feel either very small and insignificant, or the opposite; make you feel like a giant invader. Your words make it easy to picture and mixes my emotions up. I think its a good one I threw a stone at the nearest watched it flutter up and down again I ached in love and let myself wallow << you should bring those two lines down, let them stand alone there in the metaphor before me as the whole thing falls into the picture. (I love the line with the trees's-cloaked in wait and the crows all gathering there. This is a very nicely done work! I hope that alot of people get to see this one! If not, submit it again because it is really good. I enjoyed very much !
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