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This Poem was Submitted By: Michael Bird On Date: 2012-11-08 00:12:26 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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She was shaking

Music started playing She started shaking , clicking her fingers Moving round and round Music was so loud it blew out the stereo She was shaking , moving round and round Got nervous when she kicked off her shoes She was shaking with so many moves Clicking her fingers , moving round and round Got to moving so fast up and down Everyone watching her move round and round Clicking her fingers , moving her feet That girl she was shaking and looking so sweet Love that girl just can`t get enough That night was one hell of a show Clicking her fingers Moving round and round She was shaking

Additional Notes:
one unforgetable night

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2012-11-17 12:36:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Micheal Sounds like an unforgetable night. I like the repeat of "moving round and round" I has a hipnotic effect Its as if you could feel the particpants getting more and more intoxicated.The work brings to mind an old song "Angie Baby" by Helen Ready years ago. Ihas the kind of feel. The sixth line confuses me a bit. Who got nervous when she kicked off her shoes? (I) (she) (We) It is a small thing. I enjoyed the work

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2012-11-17 09:52:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
And the poem is shaking! Nice use of language. I can almost see her and hear the music Great energy. I would love to hear this one read aloud.

This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-11-14 17:07:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Michael, This is a sensual poem and one I enjoyed reading more than once. Good alliteration in 'she started shaking' Your word choices are expressive and alive with imagery. I felt as if I was watching the girl dance, like a fly on the wall. Also I like the repeating sound of 'round and round.' Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-11-10 11:54:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Having had similar experiences, I immediately felt the vibrancy and sensuality of the piece. It is a song waiting for a melody. There are those who might want it more polished, but your form matches your message, and your message has a raw dynamic to it. This is a stand-alone piece that defies critique for content or style. Your repetition of –clicking her fingers- is indicative of so much more and accents the musical sexuality built into the experience. To catch the female form and attraction, without discussing the female apparatus, is a fun and exhilarating ride for the mind and libido. You captured the moment well.

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