This Poem was Submitted By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2012-11-13 18:22:06 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The Dance
What do you do
When no one is there
With what witches
do you conjure up
the courage to go on
when nobody cares
Whether you truth
Or whether you dare
To find that place in your heart
That tells you from the start
That it takes all that you love
and everything you believe in
To truly make a difference
To wholly make a change
Where I start
depends on where I end
Deliveriing the heart
To begin again
To dance the dance that never
ends
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Copyright © November 2012 Joe Gustin
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-11-17 17:20:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Joseph, I really enjoyed reading this poem more than once. I like the melancholy feel of your well chosen words. You have used good alliteration through out and the flow is smooth. Your last verse is especially powerful and evocative. Well done.
Best wishes,
cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2012-11-17 09:34:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I like this Joe. Nice use of alliteration. I wonder about the grammar of third stanza:
"...and everything you believe in" but I know it would be awkward to say, "and everything in which you believe." Perhaps something like, and everything you know - which would be assonic with the next line's
"wholly" Nice use of metaphor. Thanks for pointing my back to TPL
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-11-16 21:45:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hello. I can hear the rhythm that keeps you dancing in this piece! I read it with a cadence that sounds a bit like a chant and I can feel the 'drumming' of the dance. That's a true compliment my friend! Your voice here is resounding and your point comes across very well. You definately need spell check-dont we all - smile
Its hard to say about your use of caps. I know there's alot of freedom in poetry. I think a good rule of thumb is to use a cap when the sentence begins a new thought-or where you might naturally pause in conversation... but there's your license to do as you please. ~smile~
I like your style. Its a good poem.
I hope your dance is exactly what you want it to be!
smile~ Ellen
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