This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-12-21 18:20:55 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Her DayDreams Quietly she sits
pondering time.
Too many hours
too many days,
moments of youth
dissolved.
A kaleidoscope
of colors
insolent reds
and audacious purple;
once deeply hued wane
to shades of gray
while passion’s thread
unravels one tick
at a time.
In the gateways
of her mind
she remains
the same,
chamomile
smiles
radiant
eyes.
Daydreams fall loose
on garden stones
memories
etched in rock.
With blue veined
hands she smoothes
her wrinkled dress
and sighs,
remembering.
Life’s sweetest breath
comes with times
well lived
and whispered
memories.
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Copyright © December 2012 cheyenne smyth
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2012-12-30 10:28:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Although wonderful without, I'd certainly like a little drama in this poem of reflection filled with the reverie of a wondering, sensual mind. But I guess I will have to settle for the smoothing of a wrinkled dress, wondering what made you sigh. Naughty girl.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2012-12-29 14:26:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This poem hits home for me.When I read it I think of my mother now 88 years young.
I love the back and forth of the second stanza. The colors of a young girls hair to gray. The unravaling of passion one tic at a time. This poem has several highlights me. The frist stanza really nails it. Only when we grow old does it become a matter of too many hours, too many days.
Thank you
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-12-29 10:40:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
cheyenne,
I must inhale –life’s sweetest breath-. Listening to piece ramble on, from visuals and color, to taste, from the textures of physical world to the conscious –smoothing- of a wrinkled dress; all brings the content of your piece to a tactile appreciation from the reader.
I saw the –wrinkled dress- as a greater metaphor for the entire theme. It doesn’t say she is sitting, but it seems she is resting. The dress is a value to her, as is her life, and even with the wrinkles, she can smooth them out and retain the whole of the garment, as her soul does her life. The wrinkles are merely minor perturbations in the whole of –whispered memories- of a good life.
Any who care to value the content of living; will find the nature of that life in this piece. Well done.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2012-12-27 15:24:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Cheyenne,
I love the voice here. It says a lot about the poet you are. Cultivate this place, I believe it has great poems in it. In this one, you did not find the form for the voice. But the voice gives this poem value nonetheless, and makes it a valuable poem, if not one equal to the promise it gives me.
MSS
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