This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2013-04-09 17:50:43 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Too Young

Sing soft upon winds westward lay ere set the ending whose reply was heard despite those that deny our love bereft of debt I’m loath to open tear-stained eyes at night Too young they said about our love when spent but even though we found our days unreal as time passed slow our love did not relent their lies that bind could choke and wither steel Hold dear the drops that fall like beads of glass in pools of memories to drown we go The glory flamed ‘till whispers said I’ll pass both happiness and black despair will show From our first dance we trembled with desire in ways that only we could understand We’ll keep our souls and hearts alive with fire when others say to part is their demand On our knees we’ll forever pray and feel their lies that bind could choke and wither steel

Copyright © April 2013 cheyenne smyth


This Poem was Critiqued By: Ashni Irey On Date: 2013-05-01 01:45:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Cheyenne, This touches the soul. Young love that was forced to part. I find the repetitive lines "their lies that bind could choke and wither steel" so powerful. It projects the intensity of pain felt by the writer in a manner that is very unreal. Beautiful.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2013-04-13 16:48:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.75000
So beauiful. Ilove your teatment of how others try to tell us what is love and whom we should love. also done in the style of Elisabeth Barrett Browning. The entire poem is well composed with is what I come to expect of poets on this site. all I can do is point out is where in the poem you reached me as a reader. Like the very frist line snaged me in anf the last line made the trip through well worth while. An orginal work dealing with subect matter older then the hills. Joe
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