This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2013-08-09 17:57:27 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Elephant Memory

I remember us when we laid in midnight’s grass counting stars twined in life’s sweetest breath with pulses pressed to an ethereal kiss I remember us walking among the heather making love with words and whispered dreams like translucent  beads of thought I wish not to remember the echoes of your breath your touch, your eyes but how can I forget the day you left  me with unraveled  threads that once  held me together? I still wear your heart like a withered rose clinging to the vine I am cursed with too much memory my mind is clenched against the sorrow

Copyright © August 2013 cheyenne smyth


This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2013-09-01 13:40:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Very emotional impact on me Cheyenne - First verse introduces the reader to what was - and choice of verbiage stands out - "Ethereal kiss" - touches my heart - The bond of true love is the focus yet the sorrow that follows is quietly placed without the anger written in a lot of styles of poetry over a great loss. It's soothing, it's heartbreaking and to wear your heart like a withered rose clinging to the vine stands out - knowing all too well that it's just there - barely hanging on - but holding one none the less. It caps off with something I've never encountered with poetry related to sorrow - "cursed with too much memory" is true - We remember so much - and as your title fits this poems - Elephants never forget - Deni


This Poem was Critiqued By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2013-08-31 10:47:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
So beautiful and yet sad at the same time. I amazes me how you take a so common a theme and make it breath again.There are too meny great lines to pick just one, however the last two lines are fantastic. mind clenched against the sorrow is a brillent.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2013-08-10 15:49:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Yes, so much better, imagery that's coherent yet original, sensual yet not maudlin. The warmth appreciates the effects of loss, an enhancement again that is brilliant in its understatement. "unraveled threads", "withered rose/clinging to the vine"...your reader is captivated by a sincerity suggested through a simplicity obviously not in reach of pity but measured sorrow. JCH
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