This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2013-08-27 11:06:42 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The Lion's Competition Courage is not born within
it’s fed in minimal doses.
....(Slowly like an eyedropper
...medicates the sore eye)
time enough to change what is small enough;
from a foal
in to a mighty stallion.
Entering the race
running
through barriers
keeping
fortitude in place.
....When enough has been chewed upon and swallowed
it's time to stand strong meeting fierce challenges that life brings along. |
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Copyright © August 2013 DeniMari Z.
Additional Notes:
Needs "help...".....
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2013-09-04 16:59:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni, as far as I am concerned this poem doesn't need any help. It is written with skill and each line is well composed. The melancholy flavor appeals to me. Your word choices are expressive and compelling. I like the entire poem but your last two lines are so powerful and gives the poem strength. Well done.
Best wishes,
cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2013-09-03 11:52:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Only one suggestion, into instead of "in to". Consolidating imagery into a powerful simile is very well done as you liken the process of courage into the growth from foal to stallion. It makes the poem a success no matter how you construct it. I would, just as a suggestion, place the last two explanatory lines in the additional notes...as a matter of personal taste. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2013-08-31 10:53:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I am not so sure about the structure however is idea is well presented and the idea that courage is comes is small (eye-droper) doses is a fresh new approch to an old subject.The double spaceing is a bit distracting
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