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Unscathed In the depths of morning surpassed only by folded night I saw a river snaking its way like a ribbon of moonlight I could hear the water calling like a sultry whisper under gently breaking ripples The sun swept away the stars and sewed shut the crease of night It was then I knew the river could mold the curves of time that binds me to this earth it cleaves a mountain of rock making a path where it can wander collecting every drop of rain and steady tears that pool It’s like a subtle eddy of lightening that changes destiny’s path I buried my past deep inside swirling waters and walked away unscathed |
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2013-10-16 20:38:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Cheyenne,
Once again you've knocked one out of the ballpark with a touching poem complete with imagery that deserves attention. Very subtle yet I was immersed in your words from beginning to end.
The only thing I would change is
The sun swept
away the stars
and sewed shut
the crease of night
"and sewed shut" the use of the two words that begin with the letter "S" puts a glitch in the verse - closed shut would work just as well - but it's such a minor detail in an otherwise very beautiful poem.
blessings.
Deni