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This Poem was Submitted By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2014-10-03 16:36:23 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Path

The Web I weave is to enter in, once inside you will soon begin, a journey Its dark within the cavern below, times you reach yet never know, the exit The search if for some little light, it can be dim not really bright, along a path There maybe ice to make it cold, To venture on is to get old, this is life...

Additional Notes:
Just wanted to write something...

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2014-10-06 14:12:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
& you did - It's cleverly written - and the message is delivered in poetic form - The Path of Life - one of the mysterious, complex, upside down journeys a person will walk - and we are certain lucky to reach an old age - which puts emphasis on your last verse - Cold - not just the rhyme but reference to something not so great - ice - Good job - I enjoyed this write - Deni

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2014-10-05 08:25:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Simple and to the point.The poem has an interesting form and flow

This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia L McCaslin On Date: 2014-10-04 11:35:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Thomas. You "just wanted to write something"--wow, do I know that feeling. I do think you've tried to put a lot of subject matter into 12 short lines LOL, but that's what we all try to do. I looked up your profile, just to help me get insight and saw that you haven't posted anything for what, 2 years? Me too, except I think my last posts were in 2004. So we're dipping our pens in the inkwell again. First off, I very much like the form you've chosen, the two longer rhyme-lines and a short line for summation, maybe, or emphasis. "Its dark" is interesting--not possessive--as you have it, makes "dark" an entity of its own. If it were possessive (It's dark) is a little more commonplace. The way you have it stretches the mind a little--kept me going back and trying to see "dark" as the entity. A fun exercise. S3 IMO should replace S4 as it seems to be a summation of what you're saying and then play back to your title "along the path". S4 "maybe" needs to be two words, right? There may be ice etc. I think the line "this is life..." with the ellipsis is too general. I think you should insert something that refers to 'struggle' maybe or yearning. If you're of a mind to, play with it a little bit. And if you're happy the way it is, then leave it--it's your poem after all. You have all the power LOL.

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