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This Poem was Submitted By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2014-11-17 12:24:08 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Loss

Crying the darkness from my heart I rise once more to start my day without you There is no longer a sweetness to my endeavors No reason to bloom further The gardener is gone My reflection stares back at a stranger A face once familiar The bargains I have offered to angels and devils have fallen on deaf ears Pain darker then black has pushed away the colors of my world The very colors of you

This Poem was Critiqued By: Medard Louis Lefevre Jr. On Date: 2014-11-22 23:36:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dark, colors beyond black. This writing is definitely something I identify with. Short, simple, complete. Much more could be added but nothing more needs to be added. Greatly to my liking and appreciation for whatever that is worth. Pearl Jam, "Black", more succinctly presented, but quieter, and just as poignant. Thanks, for the post! Medard

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2014-11-22 13:37:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Joe this is such a powerfully significant poem, not only because of the feelings emoted, but also because you kept it completely genderless. Anyone can grasp on and become either a sympathetic ear or relive their own similar (as I did) knowledge of the moment. Your contrast at the end of black, and color is significant- as is the identification of the one lost, as the reason the color has faded. This is an excellent piece. Well worth the rereads a soul would be driven to! Thanks!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia L McCaslin On Date: 2014-11-17 15:32:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I think you did a really good job at making us understand your loss. Your use of the one-liner makes us understand the focus of your pain. Crying the darkness from my heart…very good IMO, and no longer a sweetness to my endeavors, same: clear but stated in very poetic terms. Actually, I’m getting something of value to me from every line you’ve chosen. Glad you mentioned the bargains b/c all of us relate to that—it’s a part of how we are when we’ve lost something. Great pain I feel here, but also your attempt at healing. (last S—shouldn’t that be “than”?) Using “color” in the last S does suggest that you are trying to get some color back into your world. Simple but poignant. My kind of poem. Thanks for posting.

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