This Poem was Submitted By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2015-08-14 10:40:23 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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When A Lonely Wind Callls When a lonely winds calls
Whispering at your window
Asking you to come out to play
To rejoice at the day
Pay heed to the whimsical
to the non sense mathematical
Take a chance to dance with the
invisible girl
She will show you flowers of steel
How to turn joy into a meal
Mountains taller then fear
Valleys devoid of your tears
She knows the cliffs that
are safe to dive from
She know the clouds
and then some
She understands the long
division of your soul
And will still be holding on
when you want let go |
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Copyright © August 2015 Joe Gustin
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2015-08-19 11:50:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Beautiful write Joe -
It's dream like and mesmerizing to this reader - Imagery certainly stands out - enhancing your content in superb fashion,
so many good parts - along with a perfected rhyme scheme - it speaks to me of creative illusions penned to warm the soul - know all is well - protected by so many things - and the lonely - can find joy no matter what they do -
very good,
I enjoyed this,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: kevin Dunn On Date: 2015-08-15 10:39:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Lovely write. I did see one samll error "When a lonely winds calls" should it be "When a lonely wind calls"
It is a write that takes the reader right off the bat, but it would be nice to have some ending or a twist to seal it off.
Regards. Kevin.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Medard Louis Lefevre Jr. On Date: 2015-08-15 00:41:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
True poetry, I really can't add much more. Keep it flowing, unhindered, honest, true to yourself and thus it resonates true to others--a share of yourself means so much. Nice post!
Medard
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ashni Irey On Date: 2015-08-14 19:53:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Flowers of steel and mountains taller than fear.
She understands the long
division of your soul
And will still be holding on
when you want let go
These lines and phrases are so powerful and convey so much strength in a force that we don't see or think about everyday. Embedded inbetween these lines are words that describe the soft and gentle side of that same force. Very nicely written.
I've been to the mountains a few times. I know her. This poem took me there again. Thank you.
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