This Poem was Submitted By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2015-08-19 20:09:35 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Away
And I thought of others
other then yourself
different from you
in every way , just to say
To try and get away
from the pain you sway
my way
There is no doubt as to your beauty
No restriction to your domain
Only I choose to stray
outside your limits
away from your refrains |
|
Copyright © August 2015 Joe Gustin
This Poem was Critiqued By: Medard Louis Lefevre Jr. On Date: 2015-08-26 02:09:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Great poem but even better advice. The invitation of beauty is never worth the toxicity that may accompany it. Best to keep some distance unless you are a hopeless romantic who can absorb the pain and the burn. It is your choice. Nice post and read.
Thanks!
Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ashni Irey On Date: 2015-08-25 07:55:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Very cool and casually distancing words written about someone who knows she can have what she wants, but one you'd rather walk away from for the pain she "sways your way".
4th line really doesn't need the "just to say". Nice write.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2015-08-23 08:28:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I could have read more of this - Recognition given to someone - who you may need to stay away from - to protect yourself - is the message I picked up while reading this.
I've been guarding my heart since 2008; for myself it's a must -
very cleverly crafted with verses and a rhyme scheme that bring a melancholy vibe through each line.
blessings,
Deni
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