This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2015-09-27 10:09:54 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Nature Class

Two butterflies collide  an astonishing sight melodic in flight imagine to consider watching wings on wings as one airborne briefly quickly seen then gone Toward freedom as two lovers plunge within lust moments of haste the beauty of these two  quickly turns against the wind what was imagined as love transcends toward hate The beauty of these butterflies is always good and instant lovers will never be understood

Copyright © September 2015 DeniMari Z.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2015-10-04 19:28:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Wow Deni, I really enjoyed this poem, your style is one of my favorites as you well know...good work of letting your breaks do the work of punctuation...bravo. Two small suggestions, just my thoughts--in the sentence "what was imagined as" I'd remove the word as-you want your line to break with a word of impact "imagined" which does that quite well and the other thing would be in the line "and instant lovers will never be understood" I would drop the word "and" and replace it with the word "as"--gives your thought a smoother flow...remember these are just my HO and as always they are yours to use or loose...lovely write. Best always, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2015-10-04 07:46:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This write compares so easily so human relationships I wonder if that was your intent. Either way it was beautiful and sad. But if we must love may it be as intense,if brief, while in flight. Bravo
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ashni Irey On Date: 2015-10-01 22:43:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I've read this over and over.. I love it! I think every moment from the meet to the separation is described beautifully. "imagined in love" indeed! Couldn't agree more. Keep 'em coming! :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: kevin Dunn On Date: 2015-09-27 16:41:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
What a wonderful wonderful piece of work. Deni you have really written a piece that hits the spot here with me. I would not alter a thing. I read it several time just to enjoy it again and again. Kevin.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Medard Louis Lefevre Jr. On Date: 2015-09-27 11:20:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Very nicely written and an exquisitely expressed allegory (I think that is the right word) concerning a brief, though meaningful, loving encounter. It is interesting how quickly lust, which we initially perceive as love, morphs (the "plunge" against gravity and the wind) into hate, or perhaps rejection, abandonment, or discardment(?). You are right, we feel it but we never emotionally understand it. Sorry, if I took interpretive liberties but that is what is so nice about this site. Thank you for the post and the great read. Always, my most best, Mark
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