This Poem was Submitted By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2015-09-27 17:48:18 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © September 2015 Joe Gustin
As Summer Exhales
As summer exhales
and fall draws in the next breath
she takes in the cooler cold
touching the leaves
telling then to sleep
be green another day
With that fall pulls out her pallet
and plays with colours so unique
that poets draw their quills
artists chance their dreams
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ashni Irey On Date: 2015-10-01 22:18:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Very nice idea and nicely crafted into words that convey colourful thoughts. Brevity is your friend on this poem.
I'm having trouble with the line "she takes in the cooler cold" .. I wonder if that could be rephrased? I'm unable to offer an alternative. Cooler and cold seem redundant in the passage. Everything else is beautifully written.
Also, I'm sure you mean "palette". :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Medard Louis Lefevre Jr. On Date: 2015-09-29 23:45:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Very nice and loving imagery. Every fall I see the arrival of death with the hope of rebirth in the spring. I always wonder when it will be my last and I will see no more arise. Sorry for my morbid interpretation of fall into winter where dreams may become something less of hope (not quite nightmares). I appreciate your poetic optimism and expression and general view of life better loved.
You know by now,
Only, my best,
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2015-09-29 07:44:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Nice short poem Joe - imagery takes the reader from Summer to Fall - with concise lines that bring your poem to life -
On to Fall one of the nicest seasons to enjoy as a gift from above,
This Poem was Critiqued By: kevin Dunn On Date: 2015-09-28 13:32:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Joe. Now that is a nice classic piece of work.Just great poetry I'd say. It hit the spot this morning. Thank you for allowing me to read this today. It's one of those fall days today here and fit just nicely in.
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