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This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2015-10-19 09:16:43 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Drowing in Today

Bleeding stops when the skin is numb hardened over time A figure once full of life slowly dies, to die and prays to die spirit turns black to burnt too many times minds are frozen to thoughts of any kind but know so many wake to a new of promise of well-being yet some are just not seeing those who just want to bury all ache and wonder every day needing just one hour to fiercely fight alone for a reason to want to stay

Additional Notes:
One hell of year for me - and as I manage to try to grow and succeed The ones I love the most turn their backs on me- Venting and expressing the unmanageable part of my world that needs to change - and soon - I have had my plate full so many times in this life -and they say "God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers" - it's true - I get up and fight through it -and fight again - but the fight gets weary - and the spirit tires - of trying to fix so many things at once. Just thoughts - I'll work it all out - again-

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2015-11-06 21:35:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni- Oh, powerful! “needing just one hour (alone)- It sounds like the song of the poet, or the human, whether poet or not. Of the black, of the numb, of the “slowely dies”, or the “prays to die”, or of the frozen or of those unseeing- and with the speaker- a will to fiercely fight, for a reason to stay- and I think, in joining the writer, the reader, the all- the decision has already been made. morning comes and life continues. Well done.

This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2015-10-25 02:03:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
a helluva year to say the least! nothing wrong with a little venting though. glad you made it through this. a few humble offerings (more from my intellectual impotency than your skills i assure you) when the skin is numb--"and the skin goes numb" slowly dies, to die and prays to die--that extra "to die" in there spirit turns black to burnt too many times--does "black to burnt" mean like color--from black to burnt? And i really love this last bit--walking that highwire without a net--standing on that ledge--tossing that coin in the air... "yet some are just not seeing those who just want to bury all ache and wonder every day needing just one hour to fiercely fight alone for a reason to want to stay"

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wanda S. Thibodeaux On Date: 2015-10-25 00:00:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
DeniMari: I surely hope this does not apply to you and these can't be your original thoughts. This is very sad and melancholy. Absolutely no one should feel this way:"those who just want to bury all/ache and wonder every day/needing just one hour/to fiercely fight alone/for a reason to want to stay," I wish I had a magic line to give you that would bring peace and understanding to your heart but I don't. I do understand how you feel. Since I lost my husband, I haven't known which way to turn. Living alone is hard and lonely. Sometimes I hate it. Take good care and God bless.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2015-10-21 18:22:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.33333
Deni we just must quit walking these parallel roads, they are getting too cumbersome to my way of thinking if that is what one can call it. A very easy read filled with all the pathos of age and what seems to be the a bit of pivotal dogma for some of us. Your words more than amply describe the yo-yo syndrome of illness and all that seems to accompany this journey. I could feel every morsel of your pain in your writing and yet the resolve you left with-- this too you will conquer and rise above. OK, that's more than my ten cents... wouldn't change a thing, kudos. best always, Me

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2015-10-19 10:24:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Your timing could not be better. Its good to know your not alone and this poem tells me I am not the only one going through a tough time./ You express it so well, beautifully in fact. Not once do you fall into the same old ways of expressing pain. This work is as original as the poet who is writing it. BTW your additional notes contains a poem within itself

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