This Poem was Submitted By: charles r pitts On Date: 2015-10-23 01:49:11 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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form without substance

like the air in a balloon taut and tense pressing, searching for an opening to disappear through like touching a plastic heart  dry and hard lifeless, bloodless a numb loveless shell  only for display   like the sound of hollow words  thin and cheap hasty, shallow  breathed over sugared tongues spit through jagged teeth

Copyright © October 2015 charles r pitts

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2015-11-04 13:00:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Charles, such a powerful piece. Each metaphor building on the last until the final line thrusts like a dagger to the heart. One must first consider the balloon. Each piece of air trapped in a diaphragm that prevents its escape. It is the very pressure that will, god willing, jettisone the individual air particle to its freedom. Some might identify the midlife crisis, or the impending divorce, or the social anxiety of attendance, knowing escape is the only happiness. Well Done. A loveless shell indeed. Hollow words? the hissing that accompanies escape? Jagged teeth- the destruction required and the garish sounds once the effort bursts? Or just us humans, being humans, and finding humanity isn’t always a personal choice, pro or con. Excellent piece.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wanda S. Thibodeaux On Date: 2015-10-24 23:16:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Hi there Mr. Pitts, long time no see. I really like this poem, not sure why yet. "Form Without Substance" is a great title. Your three stanzas follow well this guide line. "like the air in a balloon/like touching a plastic heart/like the sound of hollow words" You're right, the substance is gone from these simply disappeared as if by osmosis leaving nothing of meaning to this piece. Great exercise for all of us.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2015-10-23 13:35:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
My Lord, that was a excellent bit of writing. The metamorphoses from air to plastic to hollow words through jagged teeth is brilliant. Would not change a thing, it would be like drawing a moustache on a Mona Lisa
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2015-10-23 10:42:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.20000
Good morning Charles, nice to see's been some time "smile". I enjoyed your this poem, you deftly made your statement with so few words however they were so well chosen. Your statements are so true, seems to be so much of "form without substance" in all that we are surrounded with, I believe you touched all areas in your write. Your poem is definitely spot on... no nits. Best always, Lora
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