This Poem was Submitted By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2015-10-24 11:48:43 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Ladeé’s Beat Goes

Life’s winter sting consumes ragged breath as it struggles to placate chaotic heart Ladeé dadeé de—Ladeé dadeé da so the song goes as the beat goes on Sleep or wake, all beyond control the voice calls out to emptiness Ladeé dadeé see—Ladeé dadeé sew the songs beat moving very slow The clocks ticking loudly as eyes search windows for bright flashing lights   ears straining for sirens lament Ladeé dadeé cry—Ladeé dadeé sigh Ladeé dadeé song’s beat no longer—tries    

Copyright © October 2015 Lora Silvey

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2015-11-02 23:35:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72727
Surprised at the ending of this poem Lora - it has a tone of sadness and isolation i.e. - only quiet rooms can hear clocks ticking loudly -but in the beginning- I feel the metaphors are relating to the tiring process of aging and how it slowly takes a toll - Very unique with words and imagery - You are always a writer - and a very good one - blessings, Deni

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2015-10-28 20:25:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Shades of Edger Allen Poe with a little Stephen King thrown in for good measure. Such a picture painted here as this person is old awaiting medical help that will come too late to she save them. Chilling and very effective
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2015-10-27 10:46:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Lora- A forlorn arrival and culmination. “the beat goes on” - and with a certain level of contradiction in the verse. I know leaves change as the trees close the draw of moisture, so they can preserve their core until the spring arrives and warmth allows growth. Maybe “the beat no longer tries” is that hibernating spirit that cannot bear, in full regalia, the cold of the winter. Maybe, leaves be damned, life is, and hearts beat, and then beyond- is something we don’t know, but we do know the beat ceases, or as written, ceases to try. There is a distinction between the two. To cease is autonomic, to cease to try is moral weariness. A very thoughtful piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2015-10-25 00:54:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Lots going on here. Does the winter signify the end of a life? the author's or its victim perhaps? the chaotic heart could be from a life unfulfilled or the panic of doing a dastardly deed? Echoes of "The Tell-tale Heart" for me here--the loud ticking--the searching eyes--the straining ears--the anticipation of sirens--there's evil afoot here methinks. And the beat--first regular, then slowing, then stopping (still working on that one). Great piece!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wanda S. Thibodeaux On Date: 2015-10-24 23:26:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Hi Lora, I read your little song/poem and enjoyed it. You covered a lot of ground with it. Seems that someone has caused the Sheriff to be called: "The clocks ticking loudly as eyes/search windows for bright flashing lights/ears straining for sirens lament." I could be out in left field on this one...just forgive me, please. I've missed you all and happy to be able to talk with you now. Great job!
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