This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2015-11-08 09:45:31 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Anchored By Old Dirty Chains

We can’t call this depression. It is disgust. A bad taste left in the mouth from toiling over the same too much. Echoes of conversations which bear no resemblance to common sense  filters in casual words are spoken back not of care not of concern scream loudly you think one would have learned knowing what's happening a deaf space between two as if no one cares for you. "I don’t know why you’ve called."  "I never call you." "I’ll talk but only because I have to." "Why must you cry?" The lone, lonely "Well I guess so" whisper quietly "Yes I know"  with a loss of tone. Every whit or whim heard except for the very right word. (but you already know this before you pick up the phone) Numb just drives up  the back of your soul a collapse of air which is felt to the bone Yet no ache nor pain because it is always the same and will never change. Another piece is pulled apart they do insist on stabbing a broken heart. Years of family lines love and friends already know you've been pushing  to the end. Stepping back once more to the edge of the cliff like a lion roars what always remains a dirty tired sickening gnawing crazy game. The numbness claims its right of passage being squeezed so thin who will get up and begin  then tirelessly try again.

Copyright © November 2015 DeniMari Z.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2015-11-28 12:02:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Nailed it. That which many of us experience and yet can not find the words for. The more you try and brake the chains the more chains seem to appear.Drowning in a ocean of the same issues with the same results. You have explore this in a totally unique way. As a matter of fact while reading this poem I felt the same old dread welling up yet again. Bravo

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ashni Irey On Date: 2015-11-19 07:05:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
There's so much emotion here. Some people can be so hard and cruel and still not know it. They say a few words and get back to their life like nothing happened. If we dare remind them of their words, they'll only tell you to move on .. We can never win. At the same time, we never leave. And that's why the cycle continues. Because they know you won't leave. They've seen your heart. They know you will tirelessly get up and try again.. Lovely write. -Ash
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wanda S. Thibodeaux On Date: 2015-11-11 14:39:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wow! Depression would be a good name for this but if you don't want to call it that...It just never gets to feeling better or being happier...old dirty chains obviously leave one dismal, lonely and tired...hahaha. Sweet DeniMari...hope this is not personal. It's a great write but so 'castaway' as if one has been cast out of the human race: "then/tirelessly/try again." Love ya, girl...
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2015-11-10 15:00:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Deni, Being unsure as to whether the dialog is with self, or if the dialog is rendered from the other (family, ect.), as the causation of increasing the discomfort- I guess it doesn’t matter, in reality- The struggle with the commonplace, sans common sense, or the frugality of actual thoughts, is something that drives the plane of existence into a tilt. I can feel the frustration in this piece. The ending I find rhetorical dialog with self. We both know who will get up and try again, and it is not those whose behavior/thoughtlessness, was the focal point of this, or each, digression. Wonderfully put, this piece, wonderfully put. I know, personally two things have happened that I read in your piece. I have developed an intolerance for stupidity, and… have overbalanced that with a tolerance that allows me to look to other, more endearing traits. Depression? I’m not a clinician. Normalcy, you got tht right.
This Poem was Critiqued By: kevin Dunn On Date: 2015-11-09 22:09:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
One can feel the pain in this work. Almost painful to read as it must have been to write. I'm not sure but it sounds like the end of a relationship that keeps being held off. Wonderful piece. Kevin.
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