This Poem was Submitted By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2015-11-13 16:04:23 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Hummingbird
I am a hummingbird to
Your unprotected nectar
My wings beat in sweet
Sync to the flowering of
your love
The warmth of paradise found
As perfect an embrace as is
sky and ground
I see you now
So completely new
As if I were a night flower
Viewing the moon |
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Copyright © November 2015 Joe Gustin
This Poem was Critiqued By: kevin Dunn On Date: 2015-11-20 13:40:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
What a lucky gal this is for whom you wrote this. If she did not love you before I'll put my money on it that she dose now. Great job change nothing.
Kevin.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ashni Irey On Date: 2015-11-19 07:19:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Have you just met someone? Lines are so romantic. A night flower viewing the moon is SO delicately put. Love it. :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wanda S. Thibodeaux On Date: 2015-11-13 17:11:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Joe...hummingbird's are unique and precious unless you have a whole bunch of them and then they will dive at you. No need to capitalize the beginning word of each line. 'earth' is a better fit than 'ground.' This is only a suggestion and an example. I don't think I know better than you but I really liked this and couldn't help myself. Great post...don't yell at me...
I am a hummingbird
to your unprotected nectar
my wings beat
in sweet sync to the flowering
of your love
The warmth of paradise
found as perfect an embrace
as is sky and earth
I see you now
so completely new
as if I were a night flower
viewing the moon
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