This Poem was Submitted By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2016-03-26 19:46:20 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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I so miss the tone nation

I so miss the tone nation  of your beautiful voice Your the causal draw of your breath before you spoke anything at all I miss the lyrics of your laughter The dark meanings of your moans How your eyes would spark in sudden diamonds when my words would find their mark Your were my joy expressed  in female form You were flights of fancy  And lovely legends of lore How could I have been so blessed To have ever seen you  in that little black dress And well, of course,  you know the rest.          

Copyright © March 2016 Joe Gustin

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2016-04-06 10:13:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Joe, Love the poem until the ending, which didn't do much for me. You can turn a phrase with arresting simile/metaphor, like "sudden diamonds." Eyes/Diamonds is commonplace - but that "sudden" gives it a freshness - a representative Gustin turn for me. Similarly, "lovely legends of lore" also borders on the commonplace, but the alliteration gives enough "surprise" - the additional "lovely" which takes the, again, commonplace "legends of lore" and makes it fresh because of that additional alliteration. But then you here, as often, resort to the simple prosaic summation or "point" - "well, of course / you know the rest." That weakens the poem, Joe. Again, I think you too often merge your good qualities and expressions with the prosaic statement. Cut out the prosaic statements and craft something whole in line with your lyricism and you got something complete. MSS

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2016-04-05 17:02:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Such a wonderful gift you have created with this work. The depths of feeling for this person is so very refreshing--you speak with a humble honesty, not to woo or cajole, a statement of fact and put in such a pleasurable context. Thank you for sharing this work with us. This was a most enjoyable read and one that demanded to be read again and again. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2016-03-28 22:11:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
The title made me hesitate - Tone Nation - could be interpreted in different ways - i.e. - general tone of connection and how the yin and yang flowed between two people - sufficiently enough to include that black dress - and every woman has one of those - Lovely poem - last verse is my favorite - blessings, Deni
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