This Poem was Submitted By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2016-07-13 12:49:56 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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I Can't Believe
I can't believe how
you tempt me with your
sheet lightning eyes
your rum coloured hair
those lips that beckon me so.
Yet still I answer
your siren’s call
To play with your flame
to know your fire
Knowing full well
that it will burn my old
world down to exhausted wicks
To the absolute ending
of ashes |
|
Copyright © July 2016 Joe Gustin
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ashni Irey On Date: 2016-09-03 08:23:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Oh my! So smitten with the caller that you can't help yourself to the "siren". What would the woman you wrote this about say? :)
Nothing to add .. simple and easy read that brings a smile to anyone's face.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2016-07-15 16:57:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Great scott! A fine dichotomy of love, lived through the moment. There is not a line within this piece that doesn’t jump out and say whoa!
The “tempt” becomes subservient to “sheet lightning eyes”, and I enjoyed the old world spelling for colored- it fits, I know it is more a painting than a point, but it fits the piece well.
To play with your flame, that will burn my old world down- that is the definition of being in love. (of course one hopes it doesn’t happen, but one always moves to the side that is, not what may be).
Knowing the passion of love and beauty, I both feel besotted by the love, and saddened by the ashes. Either way, you brought alive the fire!
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