This Poem was Submitted By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2016-11-10 02:58:47 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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While Drinking Asunder While drinking wild and
unabashed I remembered the
wonder of your lash
that wondrous thing you do
with your eyelashes
That moment you lock into
my memory, that hour,
that minute
that second of you
Oh My God how could I
not fall in love with you
the depths and the shallows
The pit and the pyramid
It all goes along
like time down a highway
Like dust blown into
oblivion |
|
Copyright © November 2016 Joe Gustin
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ashni Irey On Date: 2016-11-12 09:35:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Gorgeous descriptions in the third stanza. I'm sure you meant more when you are referring to a woman's pit and pyramid(s). Made me laugh.
Why asunder? I had to look up that word. :|
Nice poetry.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2016-11-10 17:45:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
So Joe, the woman we must meet. And so you have lavished us with commendation, with preponderance, here and before.
And we, how could we, with you, not fall in love with her each time?
The lash, as lashed to our souls now, is the framing of her look, that look that moves you to another place.
The last stanza hits, and we wonder, is the dust the dust of transience, or the dust of lost paradise. I assume, with the word oblivion rather than eternity or such, it is the latter. But with you, we call all fall in love with her again, or; as it were, each time!
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