This Poem was Submitted By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2016-11-10 02:58:47 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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While Drinking Asunder

While drinking wild and unabashed I remembered the  wonder of your lash that wondrous thing you do with your eyelashes That moment you lock into  my memory, that hour, that minute  that second of you  Oh My God how could I  not fall in love with you the depths and the shallows The pit and the pyramid It all goes along  like time down a highway Like dust blown into oblivion       

Copyright © November 2016 Joe Gustin


This Poem was Critiqued By: Ashni Irey On Date: 2016-11-12 09:35:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Gorgeous descriptions in the third stanza. I'm sure you meant more when you are referring to a woman's pit and pyramid(s). Made me laugh. Why asunder? I had to look up that word. :| Nice poetry.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2016-11-10 17:45:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
So Joe, the woman we must meet. And so you have lavished us with commendation, with preponderance, here and before. And we, how could we, with you, not fall in love with her each time? The lash, as lashed to our souls now, is the framing of her look, that look that moves you to another place. The last stanza hits, and we wonder, is the dust the dust of transience, or the dust of lost paradise. I assume, with the word oblivion rather than eternity or such, it is the latter. But with you, we call all fall in love with her again, or; as it were, each time!
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