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GOD HEALED MY HEART I felt all alone
I was thirteen with no real home
To boarding school I went to stay
Dad - Mom, you sent me away.
Dad, why did you hate me so?
You knew I never wanted to go.
Forgive me, your child I was not
Your stepdaughter is what you got.
I looked up to you with such awe
I wanted to be your best child of all
You were my hero – my superman
I was a kid hiding – head in the sand.
I was scared and lonely
I was away from my family
Rejection was what I felt deep inside
So I turned within and began to hide.
No more beatings or fights
No more kicking mom and me out in dark nights
No more hiding in the alley with fright
So no one could see our nightie at night.
Dad you stomped and screamed
You did not care who you demeaned.
You hit and threw things around
You stomped my spirit in the ground
You molested me that one night
When I was seven – I let you - without fright
Yes, you didn’t go all the way
But the memories are here to stay.
All those beatings – all those fights
I crammed inside – in my dark nights
How can I protect me from you?
With enough padding – TRUE.
You wanted me to lose weight
I keep on gaining since I was eight.
This was my way to fight back
Because backbone - I lack.
I was so bad and ugly inside
I decided I had to hide.
Hide from that person I had become
Fatter and fatter – my body succumbed.
There I was - behind this fat
Smaller and smaller is were I was at
The more padding I had increased
The hurting I crammed inside, decreased.
As long as I hid – I would not have to face
Who I was and live in disgrace.
Last year I was 450 pounds at the top
I decided hurting me had to stop
Through the years my dad grew up
He cares and loves me – we made up
I no longer have to hide from you or me
I can just write and my past is history.
106 pound lost has happened today
My perfect weight of |
Additional Notes:
It is hard to lose weight - I have to face who I am.
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