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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by cheyenne smyth	Critique Date
Magic Song	Joe P. OGrady	Hi Joe, Love poems can be difficult to write as so many have already been done. Having said that, this is a lovely poem. You have made good word choices and the rhyme and flow makes it a pleasure to read. With a little tweaking this would be a fine sonnet. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-04-12 17:46:06
Thief	Lora Silvey	Hello Lora, There is nothing worse than falling in love with the wrong person or falling in love with the right person who treats you wrong. I don't recall a poem of yours that rhymes, you usually write free verse, but having said that you have written this piece in excellent rhyme. Using the line breaks instead of punctuation works well here. This is a poem that could easily set to music. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-04-08 14:38:12
Life's Sentence	Thomas Edward Wright	Hi Tom, I can't remember how many times I have read this poem. I have several theories as to the meaning, the last one is, it could be about writing poetry, "with words fell out and ran to the page" and "white nouns mount black verbs" for example. Both of which are no doubt wrong. So now I believe what is more important than understanding the theme, is to enjoy the words. I do have a question about the second verse. You put caps on the word "Truth" and the only other place you did that is in the fifth verse and the word "as." The rest of the poem is written in lower case with the exception of the ending couplet. I am easily confused so please enlighten me. A great poem and one I admire. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-02-21 15:56:52
The lucky stars	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, I think love poems are so difficult to write since so many have been written before. However, this one is fresh with wonderful words and phrasing. If it isn't a love poem, I'll just hang myself and get it over with. You have nice end rhymes which carry the poem softly down the page. I have tried to pick a favorite word or line but find it impossible without giving the rest their due. Your imagery is superb as is the theme. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-02-21 14:22:38
Fairy Possible	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, This is an amazing and accomplished poem. Your word choices have been crafted with care and the form you used is wonderful. I love anything to do with magic and fantasy so this piece really appeals to me. There is nothing about it that I would change. Bravo. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-02-20 14:47:35
Strands	James C. Horak	Hello James, I feel somewhat inadequate to crtique this poem. I have read it several times and each time I get a different impression so I am at a loss to offer a decent opinion. Upon the first read I thought it might be referring to the comments on the forum that relate to the voting. Upon the second read I was convinced that it related to the conversations on the forum regarding politics etc. Having said that, what I do know is the poem is well written with good word choices and form. Even though ambiguous it is a good read. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-02-16 17:49:02
Base camp	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hello Mark, I have read this piece several times. First for the words, then for clarity and then for the vivid imagery. I first thought it was about the earthquake in Haiti but then I thought, no, this is a metaphor for life and all the challenges and strife we incur as we wend our way to whatever end we will finally meet. Sometimes the mountains are more like hills and other times they are like the steepest peak we will ever see. Your word selection is excellent and the flow (for feee verse) is even. I aplogize if I am out on a limb here, with my interpretation of your poem. However, having said that the words speak to me as I have written here. A well written and well crafted poem. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-02-14 17:25:15
I Want to See Their Face Before...	James C. Horak	Hi JCH, This is a powerful poem that left me staring at the computer screen, then I read it again. The impact your words make are even more dynamic with your author's notes. I can't imagine the mind set of those who strap a bomb to themselves and blow up those unfortunate souls who happen to be in the vicinity therefore snuffing out life. Even children have done this horrific deed, thinking they will spend eternity with Allah. Yet they are a part of the human race which He created. I am a Christian but I too would shake my fist and ask "What are you thinking?" This is an accomplished poem that is stark in its reality. I will remember this write for a very long time. I guess I should offer some sage advice to improve this poem. But why should I when there is nothing about it I would change? Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-02-06 18:37:18
Letting Go Is Easier In Your Own Time	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, I remember you lost your son and the grief you feel is laced into every line of this poem. I saddens me to read it, like I was peering into your soul uninvited. In time the grief will let go little by little until you learn how to live with it, and I wish you well on your difficult journey. A sad and evocative poem. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-02-04 11:09:46
NOTICE! Extracting Contest Standing	James C. Horak	Hi JCH, I appreciate your support of my work. It is heartwarming to me. Thank you, cheyenne	2010-02-04 11:03:58
Sun Shines Through Cracks	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, This is a stunning free verse poem and one I enjoyed from the first line to the last. You have penned some great lines, even though written in free verse, it finds itself lyrical quite often. I am at a loss to pick my favorite line as I like them all. A well crafted poem with a profound message. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-01-31 18:06:10
Taken Down	James C. Horak	Hi JCH, First let me say, in my short time on this site, I have observed it coming from a silent place that seemed to be on its last lap around the drain to one that is full of light and promise. It is a joy to read the accomplished poets on this site and I do believe you are the one who plucked it from the grave. How could you not be encouraged by that? I do like this poem. I also remember Eliot's poem about the turning of the first stair and the turning of the second etc. I now feel dumb as I can't remember the name of the poem but his words were memorable. I liken your poem to the fall and rise of the poetic link as your well chosen words are clear to me. I am aware that this could be taken more than one way. even political for that matter. Either way it is a lovely. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-01-30 16:08:07
One In A Long Line or Ready For Battle	Kenneth R. Patton	Hi Kenneth, I enjoyed reading this poem more than once. In the beginning lines I thought it would be a serious or sad poem. But you rescued it from being dour to being delightful. Then I began to think the hat is a metaphor for life, perhaps. However, I decided not to dig too deep and just enjoyed it for the words and the surface meaning. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-01-28 17:12:45
My Loves Lullyby	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, This is a wistful poem laced with melancholy. Most of it is written in the past tense so I can only conclude this man is no longer in your life. You speak of him with tenderness that I find charming even though he may have broken your heart. You have made good word choices and the flow is easy and even. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-01-25 16:52:26
the Eye That Sees	Ellen K Lewis	Hello Ellen, I hope you don't mind a few suggestions for your poem. I can tell it comes from your heart and I do understand how depression can be so devasting. I think you should delete some of the words that don't really matter to the poem's theme. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the Eye That Sees when the heart feels (too much) sorrow (the burden will not be lifted up)...try 'burdens will not lift' the soul will not see (the) sorrow becomes (the) darkness. who will open the windows? who will open the door? perhaps a neighbor wandering by or an old friend you thought.. forgotten.. will come (to you to)....'and' light the lamp above your head (and) your lights' will hide (the) darkness. who will hold this off (of me?) who will fight (it) back? I will lay my head (back) down (again) on (my) feathery pillow (there near my quilt)...'pillows' (where I can hide in darkness, silent)............ 'where darkness is silent' and listen to my heart. cowardess ever punishing and denying convincing and cunning (and such a shame) amazing it takes the lead as I reach outside of the darkness. who will join me here? who will join in this celebration? strength is knowing (when there is) hope (then the) burden will be lifted (up easily).....'burdens' even (the) darkness will not reach inside it is dawn on a new day. light will lift me up when my eyes have unity! Just by deleting those words will tighten up the lines without losing the meaning. Keep writing. I know the more I write and the more I listen to my critiquers the better I will be. Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-01-22 17:37:34
Whirligig	Dellena Rovito	Hello Dellena, I really like this poem and enjoyed reading it more than once. When I read the title I had no idea what to expect but it is perfect for the theme. When I was young (eons ago) I used to swing from everything I could reach and sometimes it didn't work out well. I like your word choices and flow of this free verse. I have one suggestion, in your line, "the movement and to and fro push" I think you could delete the first 'and' and use 'of' instead. So the line would be, "the movement of to and fro push" that would tighten up the line and prevent using the same word twice in one line. Or you could say, "the movement and the to, fro push" Just a suggestion for you to use or lose. However, it no way detracts from this lovely poem. Well done, Best wishes, cheyenne	2010-01-21 16:40:19
In confidence	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hello Mark, I have read this piece several times and each time I want the word 'wizening' to be 'wizened' Perhpaps you might think that would change the meaning of the line but it doesn't for me. Sorry to nit pick, it is just one word, after-all. You have stumped me with the word 'pantoum' my dictionaries are no doubt lacking. You have an engaging rhyme and your phrasing is first rate. You have no doubt been writing poetry for a long time to be so accomplished. This is an exceptional poem. Best wishes, cheyennne	2010-01-20 16:57:41
A Hard Time	James C. Horak	Hello JCH, When I fist joined thepoeticlink I almost didn't stay as the board seemed so dead. However, since then it has picked up wonderfully. In my humble opinion you are the one that gave it a jump start. For that you should be honored. I can understand how the shinyness of it could be blinding. Well done, my friend. By the way, I went back and read my latest sonnet after I answered your critique and realized why you may have thought I was referring to you in the line "cark raven cark" (or something like that) That was the farthest thing from my mind when I wrote it, so hope you aren't mad at me. Best, cheyenne	2010-01-20 14:42:23
Rime On The Hoarfrost	Thomas Edward Wright	Hello Tom, You must forgive me as I am a loss to fully understand this poem. Rime and hoarfrost are synonymous but I tapped into my poetic license and decided rime does shimmer and when it begins to let go of the branch it can "jump" to its death (poetically speaking, fo course) I had to google the word "seriatim" and find it is a legal term. So armed with this information I have decided we have two people who are watching this event take place. Falling rime that jumps off the branch onto the ground without any judgement. Having said all that I love the poem and the mystery of its meaning. Best, cheyennne	2010-01-19 16:55:33
Once Upon His Desuetude Rode He Into Town	Thomas Edward Wright	Hello Thomas, I find this piece to be very intriguing, both in style and language. There are so many ways to write free verse (which at one time I use to do a lot of) that is until I discovered I could actully rhyme. Yes I did have to look up "Ciborium." The word appears on the surface to be more complicated in meaning. So now our protagonist has lost his mink jacket to a Midget? A very clever and interesting notion. Well done. Best, cheyenne	2010-01-18 15:35:09
To Untangle the Tangled	James C. Horak	Hello JCH, You don't need to apologize for speaking the turth as you have poetically written about here. I am grateful I grew up in an era where the days of so many electronic toys were part of fiction, not reality. The youth of today can't live without these toys or at least they think they can't. Gone are the simple things of life that were so gratifying some years ago. One wonders what 50 more years will bring? The voice of the poet should be heard. Will it do any good? Only Heaven knows. Well done. Best, cheyenne	2010-01-17 14:56:57
From beyond	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hello Mark, I am glad you renamed this poem, tis easier to understand (at least for me) I'm not the heart that beats in your quarry, unseen. After hot coals have ripped flesh from bone, true-carving Now this strophe stands out. You are showing your readers that the protagonist is not dead, burried or cremated, but in fact is quite alive to speak his mind to someone one who would threaten him. Now you have me rethinking my original critique...not such a bad thing. Excellent. Best, cheyenne	2010-01-17 10:14:15
Pushed Away	DeniMari Z.	Hello Deni, If there is one thing I have learned about poetry it is that writing of love is difficult. So much has been written on the subject. However, having said that I find this poem to be different in that the poet wonders why love escapes her and it's not repelte with flowery phrases just melancholy that is quite charming. Not charming that you haven't found your soul mate but the manner in which you speak of finding 'him.' I believe there is a soul mate for everyone but finding that person most often is not easy. People rush into a relationship just for the sake of having someone to love which doesn't always work as you have so poetically stated in this piece. I wish you well in finding just the right person. Also I do hope you are feeling better. Best to you, cheyenne	2010-01-16 16:41:48
My December Votes	Duane J Jackson	Hello Duane, Thank you for voting for Winter Solstice and I am pleased you like it. Best, cheyenne	2010-01-15 00:28:30
Waiting	Rene L Bennett	Hello Rene, I have read this poem several times and each time I come away with a different interpretation. What I do feel is the pathos and frustration in the lines, and most likely what lies between them. It is a good free verse poem which has an occasional end rhyme, which may not be intentional. In your line...So, what am I afraid of?...You could say 'why am I afraid' and that will get rid of the word 'of' which just seems to dangle out there. Well done. Best, cheyenne	2010-01-14 17:37:43
At Critical Mass	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hello Mark, I am more than enamored with this poem. I read it earlier today and then again tonight and have to admit it speaks to me on more than one level. I have never read anything by Roland Barthes which makes me feel inadequate to even comment let alone offer a solid critique. Much of your phrasing is superb and your word choices are remarkable. I had to look up the word 'fissile' and now wish I had thought to use it first. I find this poem sensual, erotic and evocative but I also hear the anger that dwells in the lines. The wounds you describe are slow to heal even if they have been sutured, they will still fray. An outstanding poem. Best, cheyenne	2010-01-13 01:23:24
How We Are to Share (Father Time)	James C. Horak	Hello JCH, You have a talent for writing profound and evocative poetry. This poem is especially so. I have not read the novel but your notes are so well done that I feel I understand the anguish the boy experienced. What could be more demeaning than to believe that one is too menny? I was drawn to read this poem more than once and come away with feelings of melancholy each time. Bravo! Best, cheyenne	2010-01-11 16:55:07
Two Step	Dellena Rovito	Hello Dellena, I am interested to know if you have written this poem in a structure I am not famillar with? Maybe it comes from your talented pen but either way I do like it. It reads well, dispite the varied lines and even though the syllable count isn't consistent it flows well and is lyrical. You have a good rhyme and excellent word choices. It is so true that "actions speak louder than words." Well done. Best, cheyenne	2010-01-08 17:32:43
My Votes For December	DeniMari Z.	Hello Deni, I can't begin to tell you how pleased I am that you voted for both of my poems. Your confidence in my writing is heartwarming. Thanks so much. Hope you are feeling better....cheyenne	2010-01-08 15:19:19
My December Vote (rather than November's)	James C. Horak	Hello JCH, Thank you for voting for my poem when it is obviously flawed! Your confidence in my poetic skill (tho few and far between) has given me the 'kick in the pants' I need to re-write this poem. Thanks again, cheyennne	2010-01-08 15:14:18
Reflections	Dellena Rovito	Hello Dellena, I have read your poem more than once and enjoyed it each time. The lack of punctuation works well here. You have done an excellent job of letting the line breaks word for you. Your line, "Squeezed from the tube of insight" is marvelous and charmingly different. Your last line is the frosting on the cake of a fine poem. I can offer nothing that should be changed or altered. Well done. cheyenne	2010-01-06 15:47:00
Morning Song	Dan D Lavigne	Hello Dan, I love the sea so this poem speaks to me. Your words "center myself" allude to how you centered the poem, which may not be your intention but to me it is quite clever. I especially like "I feel the ocean current, carried on the wind" it's a lovely phrase. I find nothing in this piece that should be altered in anyway. Well done. cheyenne	2010-01-04 15:55:19
Unseen Obvious	James C. Horak	Hello JCH, This is a powerful and soulful poem which I found myself reading several times. Your line, "days thinning to age" is remarkable and leaves this reader a bit sad. We all age, some do it with grace and others are dragged into it kicking and screaming. I like the brevity of this piece, you wrote just enough to be thought provoking and did not let it drag on and on. I can't offer anything that should be altered. Well done. cheyenne	2009-12-31 15:26:37
Stop Renting Space In My Heart	DeniMari Z.	Hello Deni, I especially like the theme you used for this poem and the rhyming couplets are well done. You have said just what needs to be said and nothing more, which to me, makes the write more powerful. At first I wasn't sure about the last two lines, which came as a surprise as I thought the poem ended with the last couplet. On further reads I found the last two lines exceptional as they gave this reader more insight into the meaning of the poem. Well done. Best, cheyenne	2009-12-31 15:19:41
Out The Shop Door	Kenneth R. Patton	Hello Kenneth,ye I am a fan of terse poetry, especially those that speak volumes that's written between the lines. I like the malancholy flavor in this poem and your last line was not expected. In fact it made me ponder the meaning every time I read your well chosen words. "until fog closed out the scene" is an exceptional line. Well done, cheyenne	2009-12-26 11:16:29
Light of Wonder, Star of Love	Ellen K Lewis	Hello Ellen, This is a poetic verse that paints the true meaning of Christmas and rebirth of the spirit that lives in the heart of all who believe in Him. It is the season that soothes and it is a shame that we can't carry those feelings of wonder all through the year. A good poem that speaks a powerful message. Well done, cheyenne	2009-12-26 11:05:04
Whitewashed	Mary J Coffman	Hello Mary, I read a good amount of poetry but nothing I have read lately affected me like this one. It is chilling in its melancholy flavor. You have written some outstanding phrases that lead me to believe you have suffered a profound loss. Or perhaps an illness that you are tired of dealing with. I am most likely reading too much between the lines, however they speak to me in this manner. An outstanding poem. Best, cheyenne	2009-12-23 15:08:10
Laugh a Little Lighter	Ellen K Lewis	Hello Ellen, I laughed and laughed at this poem. It is priceless and even if we aren't there yet, we will be. If we can laugh at oursleves all those creeking bones won't hurt so bad. Excellent! cheyenne	2009-12-21 20:50:27
Please Read:	James C. Horak	Hello JCH, I think you have a stupendous idea. I wondered why the site was so slow and hesitate to give up or abandon it as I think the poets here have much to offer. I do hope the site administrator will agree with you and hopefully it will garner more interest and other poets will join us. Good luck. cheyenne	2009-12-18 00:48:40
The Club	DeniMari Z.	Hello Deni, This is a nice piece of poetic prose. At first I was inclined to make some suggestion to tighten it up a bit, then I saw your note that you wrote this in fun and have to agree that I had fun reading your well chosen words. In fact I believe I was in the same store this week! If we could only keep the reason we celebrate Christmas all year long, this would be a kinder and more loving earth. You demonstrate good humor throughout this piece. Well done. Best, cheyenne	2009-12-11 15:32:36
My December Vote	James C. Horak	Hello JCH, I have no idea if the posting of votes requires a reply or not. However, having said that I want to thank you for voting for my Raven poem and your remarks are well taken, Thank you, cheyenne	2009-12-08 12:22:35
The Coming of Rain	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Hello Nancy, I like the melancholy flavor of this poem. It sounds as if you have lost a loved one and continue to feel the grief like a knife that stabs. In the line below do you mean shudder instead of shuttered? I think 'shudder' makes more sense, unless your intention is a metaphor which I don't quite understand. Other than that you have written this well with profound emotion. Caused me to shuttered Best, cheyenne	2009-12-07 12:16:50
Russian Heart	James C. Horak	Hello JCH, There is much to ponder in this write. You obviously know your histroy well. Your lines are well written and intelligent. There is much to like about this poem and I can't offer any criticism even though I am aware that a good critiquer should do so. Well done, cheyenne	2009-12-03 15:44:57
Jagged Tongues	DeniMari Z.	Hello Deni, I always have fun at reunions. Your words, in this poem, as so true and I smiled as I read them. An old cheerleader with crows feet is priceless. I am glad you had a good time...some waste a lot of time worrying about how they look that a good time escapes them. You wrote this well, with fresh language and a good flow. Well done. Best to you, cheyenne	2009-11-30 17:49:43
Our Dear Dellena is Not Well	James C. Horak	Hello JCH, I haven't been here long enough to be aquainted with everyone. However, I am always sad when I know someone is ill enough to be hospitalized. I wish the very best for her. cheyenne	2009-11-27 16:53:55
proposition	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hello Mark, The fatal mistake is to ask the question in the first place which, of course, avoids the answer "i've no idea." "i can answer you...only once my words arrive" is a phrase I wish I had thought of first. With the flare of your pen you have written a very moving and touching poem. Well done, cheyenne	2009-11-18 16:38:08
Weathered Times	James C. Horak	Hello James, When I read this poem, for the first time, I did not give the words justice. I could not feel the cadence in the uneven lines so I moved on. However, today I read it again, slowly this time and felt the cadence like you meant it to be felt. It is a sensual poem that is almost erotic, especially in the last four lines. A lover's plea that is not lost on this reader. I ask myself why would any woman not desire a weathered cheek? They are the most accomplished, you know. cheyenne	2009-11-18 16:27:24
My Homework	DeniMari Z.	Hello DeniMari, No parent should ever need to bury a child and I send you sympathy for your loss. You have poetically put your thoughts into words and I find nothing that should be changed or adjusted. A very emotional write. Well done, cheyenne	2009-11-13 16:42:56
C East 1975	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Hello Nancy, This is a heartbreaking poem that tugs at the strings of the heart. I have seen some of these patients you write about and it is difficult not to turn away. I like the Sestina poetry form, however they can be a challenge to write and do it well. Having said that, you have done an excellent job with this one. You have good word choices and flow throughout. I know most of the poems written in this form are written in iambic pentameter but I think the free verse works well here. Well done, cheyenne	2009-11-13 16:40:04
Willing Limber	James C. Horak	Hello, I am intrigued by this write and the form you used to pen the well chosen words. There is nothing that turns heads like the graceful and fluid movements of a woman, conversely the opposite is true of a woman who walks like a stiff peice of wood. The rich language in this piece makes it a pleasure to read. I find I can't offer anything to change. cheyenne	2009-11-07 11:34:28
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by cheyenne smyth	Critique Date

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