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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by cheyenne smyth	Critique Date
Motherly Love	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, If your mother caould read this...and maybe she can...she would see how lovely it is. It could easily be a Hallmark card given by any child. Your words are soft and full of expression. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-05-11 16:07:12
white flag up	Ellen K Lewis	Hi Ellen, The Bible thumping pastors do more harm than good...in my humble opinion. I go to church and am a Christian but if a sermon is no more than a scare tactic or guilt trip that I can do without. You have made some good points in this poem, it is creative and evocative. Your last verse is especially powerful and delivers an important message. Well done! Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-05-02 13:03:52
Skeeter's Poem	Mark D. Kilburn	Hi Mark, This is a marvelous poem, it is well crafted and creative. I have to admit I wish I knew who Harry and Sketter are. The father had a son, in 1941 In 1944 the dad walked out the door another did the same, in 1972 then wrote about those troubles in words both black and blue. These lines make me think of divorce and a re-marry where someone was abused. Was that Skeeter and is it possible that he is you? Even if I don't quite get it I still think it is a first rate poem and one that begs to be pondered. Hope you are okay. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-05-02 12:51:48
Geriatric Parade	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, I just love this poem. It speaks of maturity that is a gift compared to the alternative. I found myself smiling with each line. It is well composed, funny and the message is one every aged one should heed. I think if we live long enough we have much wisdom to impart...if only we could get someone to listen. "Welcome to Sunny Hills" is the perfect ending to this excellent piece of poetry! Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-04-18 18:04:11
New York	Mark Steven Scheffer	Hi Mark, Last year I visited New York and what you have written here holds some truth. Some parts of that huge city delighted me and some disgusted me. Your repetition of 'your' is effective and gives me a clear mind picture of each scene. You have penned good 't' sounds in your first line and the flow is smooth. You have painted New York with negative brush but there is also much there to be savored. Just my humble opinion. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-04-09 16:03:41
dysfunctional poetry	Mark D. Kilburn	Hi Mark, You have penned a fabulous and timely poem that should be read by many. At first I thought this piece came from persoal experience but the more I read the more I could see it has a political theme about our dysfunctional society. The middle class pays the rich to get richer. I like your word selection as they express your feeling well. You have impeccable phrasing and an interesting theme. Well done Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-04-09 15:54:42
Sunrise Pink	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, As I read this I was thinking it was an erotic poem (who wouldn't?) The more I read the more sensual your words beccame. When I read the ending I laughed out loud. I don't know where this poem came from but it is delightful. Very different rom your usual fare but it demonstrates how versatile you are. Bravo! Best wishes cheyenne	2012-04-09 15:45:14
JANA BUCK HANKS	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, I am sad to hear this news. Thank you for letting us know....best wishes, cheyenne	2012-03-30 16:58:24
The Ballad of Jackson G.	Howard D. Palmer	Hi Howard, I have never attemped a ballad but you have done a fine jub with this one. Even though your syllable count isn't consistent the meter has a good cadence. You have a flawless rhyme and your words choices are expressive. You have told an interesting story and I enjoyed it from beginning to end. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-03-24 17:35:20
The Keep	James C. Horak	Hi JCH, So this event took place on the Ides of March. Since my short term memory took a hike I have to think back to the 15th to answer your question. It may be the senseless murder, by an American, of innocent people and some just children. I don't think you are speaking of the watchman who shot to death a black boy because of your reference to our flag. Now to be kept, not in embrace, kept from like the stars laying there in your blood Spent not in courage, but in a ditch, like a dog I can't think of anything, I have read recently, that is more powerful than the lines above. He did shoot them like dogs, not out of courage but with disdain. Now he says he has no memory of doing the deed. Good Lord what is our country coming to? Well....I don't know if I am right or wrong about the essence of your poem but this is how your words speak to me. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-03-21 17:53:16
sprouts	Ellen K Lewis	Hi Ellen, You have penned a poem that is close to my heart because I love to garden. But then I think the garden and planted seeds are a metaphor for life and death. Every day we live puts us just that much closer to our demise. One could be depressed about that aspect instead of focusing on the day we have been given each morn when we awake. Your last verse is a surprise and powerful. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-03-20 15:57:52
The Ornamental Poet	James C. Horak	Hi JCH, I think you are deliberate in your desire to confuse the likes of me! I have read this poem so many times my eyes are misting over. To begin with I think you invented a new word in "notnice" at least that is what my dictionary thinks. Were you to decorate elaborate some song To fiddle music knee jerking fiddle music Nero-style, wrapped in a straitjacket...style....okay this I get. Each line is creative and paints a picture in my mind good allitertation in straitjacket/style A world blowing apart the crows flying in (you want to talk about how notnice...)...........got this too except for the word you made up. Flower pots are to be so not words, toe-to-toe Caring enough to share ALARM.....so, dear one...who is sharing the alarm, the pots or the words? I guess the the pots, they are more likely to stand toe-to-toe (good alliteration here) than words. but the world is blowing apart so does it matter? I just know you are laughing at my crit but I am a bit frustrated that I don't understand what you are saying. Oh well you can't blame me for trying! Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-03-19 18:24:45
Taken (in between)	James C. Horak	Hi JCH, You have penned a beautiful poem for your young friend. The loss of a lover or mate can be devastating no matter what the age. However, as we mature we handle such things better and learn not to wear our hearts on our sleeves. You have chosen eloquent words to express yourself, the flow is smooth and allows the lines to slide down the page with ease. We can't help who we fall in love with but we can learn how and when to let them go. Well done. Best wishes, cheyennne	2012-03-12 14:48:55
full revolution	Ellen K Lewis	Hi Ellen, You have penned an en equisite poem and one I enjoyed reading several times. You have chosen expressive words that speaks of the passing of time. It is clever and evocative. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-03-03 11:43:48
Catching the Moment	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, I love the humor in this piece but looking deeper into the words I think the fly may be a metaphor. Perhaps a love affair that went wrong or for life where we encounter many flies. Maybe I am making too much of it instead of just enjoying a lovely poem and the humor therein. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-03-03 11:35:35
Watermark	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, This poem really touched me. and somehow a page absorbs them.......what a great way to show your readers you are without words Today is much like other todays recondensed from yesterdays that carry the trace elements grown from some exploded befores If I had to pick a favorite verse (and I'm glad I don't) it would be this verse. It is wistful with a touch of melancholy. A fabulous poem....bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-03-03 11:26:03
Communion	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, you have penned a profound poem and one I have read several times. The lines below really stand out for me. There is something so compelling about your words. We are the background of the other end of time. I recognise my error, and I return you to the undifferentiated dust. This is a perfect ending to this thoughtful poem. I feel the melancholy in every line that you hcave crafted with care. Well done. Best wishes cheyenne	2012-02-26 00:35:14
May I Have This Romance?	Ellen K Lewis	Hi Ellen, This is a delightful poem. I must assume you have written about your husband or lover perhaps they are the same. How wonderful to be in love after many years have passed. We should all be so lucky! You have chosen expressive words and he flow is like liquid falling. You have good alliteration of 'w' sounds in the firat verse and each line has been craftedd with care. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-02-26 00:25:03
Painter’s Society	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, A political poem and one I enjoyed reading. It is true the apple doesn't fall far from the tree....I guess all politicians are alike. You have chosen explicit words to express yourself and each line is well crafted. They promise so much to get elected but who in their right mind would want that job? An exceptional poem....Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-02-16 17:57:00
Spell for Retrieving a Lover	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, I thought your last poem I critiqued sounded like a love that has gone astray but this one certainly does. I admire your ability to speak of that without really saying it. You don't tell your readers what to see you show them, something that is difficult to do. Your word selection is superb and your well written lines slip down the page with ease. What inspired you to write this melancholy poem I hope is better now. Please feel free to tell me if I am wrong. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-02-11 01:04:17
Saturday’s Delight	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, This is such a delightful poem and one I enjoyed from beginning to end. I'm thinking your are writing about your child or grandchild and a tea party set for two. I like your word choices, the easy flow and the theme is magical, Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-02-11 00:49:27
The Stew	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, I have read this poem several times in hopes I could get inside your head. I have decided you are speaking of an affair gone bad. I could be wrong but that is the way your words speak to me. Your rhyming is successful, the flow is smooth and your well chosen words are filled with melacholy with some angst. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-02-09 12:27:07
Crappy days are here again	Howard D. Palmer	Hi Howard, you have done an excellent job of voicing your dismay at our government. Your mono-rhyming is effective and the illiteration of 'c' words is well done. At first I wasn't sure about the repeating line at the end of each verse but I read it again and think it gives the write more power. I am glad you didn't use punctuation, instead you let your line breaks work for you. Well done. Best wishes cheyenne	2012-02-09 12:20:53
Petals and Parchment	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, I have to say I love every word of this poem. It is a doleful piece that speaks of losing a loved one. I have a feeling it is biographical and if so my heart goes out to you. You have selected eloquent words to express yourself. Your phrasing is impeccable in this free verse and the flow is smooth. Sometimes I come across a poem I wish I had written and this is one of those. Bravo! best wishes, cheyenne	2012-02-09 12:14:07
Under Your Spell (with correction)	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, what I don't like about TPL is that we can't edit a poem without deleting it first and then repost. That said, I like this poem as much now as I did last month. I think you got rid of 'danced' in the last verse has you wrote it with two. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-02-08 12:47:01
Under Your Spell	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, I am glad to see you posting again. I can relate to this poem as I have 'no no' more than once. Some men think women are so needy they will agree to anything, well not all of us will. You have good alliteration in touch/ taste/ tremble/ thoughts. You word selection is expressive and evocative. This is a well penned poem with its liquid flow and the theme is compelling. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-02-02 00:15:44
Wooded Ground	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, This is one of your best poems, in fact I believe it is the best. I don't remember when I joined TPL but I have critiqued many poems of yours. Since then you have found a new voice or perhaps a new muse, if that is possible. In this piece you have made unique word choices which let the lines slip down the page with ease. My breath wafted into the air I stumbled on this line and my suggestion would be...My breath has soared upon the air... for the most part you have 8 syllables per line and changing that one line would give you 8 instead of 7 and keep the meaning pure. Except for the last line in the first verse you have a consistent rhyme pattern. Which adds to the charm of the poem. Bravo! Best wishses, cheyenne	2012-01-30 17:42:23
Disarray	Kimberly D Rowe-Van Allen	Hi Kim, The longing and pain in this poem is palpable. The form you used to write this piece is quite different but effective. The narrator seems to have lost a love that now only burns in her and not her partner. Your word choices are expressive and your flow is smooth. It is somewhat dark but I like that as dark poetry is easy for me to write. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-01-27 17:08:35
Upon Rocks	James C. Horak	Hi James, This is a thought provoking poem and one I find profound and compelling as I have read it several times. Your word choices are expressive, evocative and your phrasing is impeccable. The river can be a meataphor for so many things, like life as we wend our way to the end. But then the river remains the same as it meanders out of sight. You have penned good alliteration and the message is one I must ponder. Glad to see you posting again. Best wishes, cheynne	2012-01-21 01:35:14
The Dove	Steve A Van Allen	Hi Steve, When I first read this poem I wasn't sure about it. Then I read it again and realized it is much more profound than I first thought. Evil does poison all it touches and how could we exist without the Dove who represents all that is good. I like the brevity of this write and the words you chose to express the message. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-01-21 01:15:50
To See You Again	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, I owe you an apology. I just wrote a critique of your poem that speaks of the death of your children. I didn't realize you were speaking of yourself and your children. I remembered reading about a similar situation. Anyway, please forgive me. This poem is also gut wrenching. I can't imagine what type of cult would enter into the killing of children. I am sure you have suffered so much over the loss of your babies and my heart goes out to you. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-01-18 17:40:38
To My Children	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, I believe this is the best poem you have written, that I have critiqued. Every line is powerful and speaks of such a horrible travesty. I remember reading about this and how it affected me. Your word selection is excellent, some stark, some sad but all crafted with care. For some strange reason the site messed with the lines in a negative way but no matter as this is a fabulous poem. How gracious of you to put roses on those graves. If you don't win the contest with this piece something is terribly wrong. Bravo! Bes wishes, cheyenne	2012-01-18 17:29:11
Cold (age’s shimmer)	Lora Silvey	Hi Lora, This is one of the best poems I have read relating to age. Something we can all relate to. Your word selection is excellent and they provide good imagery to this reader. I would prefer using 10/8 syllable count insteaad of 8/10 but no mater it works, just my personal preference. You have penned good 's' sounds in the first verse. Your third quatrain is especially powerful and evocative. Well done and glad to see you posting again. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-01-18 17:09:20
Wishing	Kimberly D Rowe-Van Allen	Hi Kim, I can feel the pain crafted into each line of this poem. I have come to the conclusion that a break up is worse than a death. Most never wish to die but in a break up the one that left is still out there. I am assuming this poem isn't about a death and if it is I apologize. The longing in your words is obvious to me and I hope it won't last too long. The only thing I would change about this piece is to present it in quatrains instead of couplets...just a personal preference. Well done Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-01-17 17:39:13
Friendships	Kay C Steward	Hi Kay, Acrostic poetry is not usually my cup of tea but I do like this one. From the garden of life Reaping love, not strife In our life time; life line.........an exceptional line Easy, taking our time Nesting in each other's arms......I like 'nesting' here Destiny called our names..........excellent line Softly awakening our claims.......here too Helping hands reach out In times of trouble or doubt Partaking of each other's pain Seeking to love, without gain........to me these lines are the most powerful This is an exquisite poem even if it is an acrostic! (smile) Well done. best wishes, cheyenne	2012-01-17 17:32:09
On Our Way	DeniMari Z.	Hi Deni, This poem is both clever and creative. I love the simplicity of the one word lines, something I have never thought to do. The metaphor of the little ship is superb and the theme made me smile as I was urging the little ship on. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-01-14 14:30:38
The Pit Pony	Kay C Steward	Hi Kace, I love this poem as I am fond of horses too and felt awful when we had to sell ours. You have chosen expressive words that tells this story with wonderment. I really thought it were true until I read your note. You have a lyrical rhyme and alliteration within the lines. Making this poem a pleassure to read. Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2012-01-09 18:14:10
The Tea Trade	Mark Andrew Hislop	The Tea Trade For Steph I keep a cup for you, it’s full of tea you like. It could be chai, or it could be that Bengal Spice you introduced me to when we were strangers. I didn’t know you....... thinking of Steph as a cup of spiced tea is an excellent metaphor. She could be any kind of tea and you would love her just the same. Your eloquent words are beautiful were a cup yourself, and filled for me........ good enjambment here with liquor steeped of everything that you have seen and felt and love and loathe and do..... these lines express your thoughts to know everything about her, what she loves and what she hates I bring my lips to you and learn the sea........ She has taught you it's okay to trust her heart and yours, as well. Sometimes a death of love either by divorce or passing on makes one leery to try again. you’ve sailed upon. And when my cup meets yours you sail, and reach my undiscovered shores........ this couplet completes this wonderful poem nicely Your use of metaphor, enjambment, alliteration and successful rhyme makes this poem a joy to read. Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-12-14 18:34:01
Australian Trees in Winter	Kay C Steward	Hi Kay, This is an excellent poem about Australia, it is a beautiful place. Your rhyme pattern is effective and well penned. Your word choices are very expressive and eloquent. I am grateful you explained Stringy bark and Willy-Willy as I had no idea what they meant. Birds flying backwards is an interesting expression but if the winds blow hard enough I know they can't make much headway. Your imagery is first rate and vivid. Well done and I hope you continue to post here. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-12-12 20:19:43
Heated Moments	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, I am assuming your have written a haiku or synryu. Haiku is always about nature and I think your poem would qualify as that. One thing to remember when writing either of these forms no caps are allowed. Of course if you have just written a 5/7/5 poem it doesn't matter. I like the theme and your excellent word selection. It is a creative poem. Wel done. best wishes, cheyenne	2011-12-05 15:46:24
Crimson Tears	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, I knew from the title this poem would be sad and while it was in the beginning it ended on an uplifting note. I like your word choices and the flow is even. You have used the word 'crimson' several times but you made it work. In the line below you have used reverse syntax when you say 'pain did hide' it's the word 'did' that is the culprit. as deep inside where pain did hide try as deep inside where pain could hide- or- pain would hide All in all an excellent poem! Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-11-28 17:39:56
Dreams Do Come True	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, You have penned a lovely poem. It is quite uplifting and a change from the sad poems you need to write that are a catharsis for you. You have made successful word choices and your rhyming couplets are lyrical. Well done! Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-11-23 17:53:20
Prayer to the Beloved Enemy	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, I have read this poem several times and each time I find something else to like. At first I thought it to be a sonnet until I did a syllable count. A prayerful plea to believe when we feel ourself flounder with the magnitude of it all. You have used poetic devices like enjambent and alliteration to their highest appeal. You are the turbulent, relentless fire which pulsates inside me, in spite of the tempests of will which engulf me daily There is a flavor in the lines above that makes me wonder if the protagonist has suffered a catastrophe of some kind or perhaps just the "slings and arrows" of life. In any case this is an accomplished poem that I find evocative and powerful. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-11-19 15:15:04
After You Left	Latorial D. Faison	Hi Latorial, This is a stunning poem and one I wish I had written. Your words are stark and delicious in their darkness. The sorowful feel to the words are compelling and brings home the fact that sometimes we fight over nothing at all which often leads to a break up of a relationship or marriage. I especially like the line.. God cracked the sky It is creative and expressive. Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-11-18 17:01:44
I Once Was Lost	Latorial D. Faison	Hi Latorial, This is a fabulous poem and one of your best, in my humble opinion. You have chosen such expressive words. Your rhyming couplets are successful and the melancholy flavor of the lines is delicious. Your phrasing and word placement is impeccable. In case you can't tell, I love this poem! Every poem, of yours, that I read your talent as a poet is shining through as you get better and better. Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-11-10 17:32:38
Light's Night	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena, This is a fabulous poem and one I enjoyed reading several times. In the beginning I thought you were writing about the soul's depression you painted into every line. Imagine my surprise and delight when I read winter's coldness has claimed it's bed. Armed with that information I read it again and your descriptive words speak so clearly of winter's arrival. Your word selections are a compliment to your talent as a poet. You have not posted a poem in a long time and I hope you are well. Your last verse is especially powerful. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-10-24 15:00:05
If My Body Were an Orchestra	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hello Joanne, This is a marvelolus poem and one I enjoyed reading more than once. You have a good grasp of music and I wonder if you are a muscian as well as an accomplished poet? Your word choices are superb and for a free verse poem your flow is even and easy. I felt a touch of melancholy in the lines but your last quatrain is very uplifting and a perfect finale to this amazing poem. Bravo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-10-17 16:01:24
Soul Dream	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, I think you have endured much in your life. I hate to assume the stark feelings in this poem are true of your own life...but I believe it is. Even though the lines are limned with pain in the end I feel the sun beginning to shine on you and that is a happy thing. Memories you leave behind can be laid to rest. A remarkable poem. Brovo! Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-10-01 17:57:09
Flashback	Mandie J Overocker	Hi Mandie, You have done a great job in writing with the same thoughts as Anna. You used your own words but the same theme which is a gift. Your phrasing is good and the flow even. I like your word choices as they express your feeligs well. Good job! Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-10-01 17:48:35
When the Dark Passenger comes calling	Michael Bird	Hi Michael, "to deep = too deep" The darkness of this poem is delicious and well penned. You have chosen some stunning words which are compelling, descriptive and superb. Dark poetry appeals to me and they are usually easy for me to write. Guess that makes me a bit weird. I like everything about this poem and the ending is most effective. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne	2011-09-17 17:50:36
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by cheyenne smyth	Critique Date

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