marilyn terwilleger's E-Mail Address: mterwilleger@bresnan.net

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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by marilyn terwilleger	Critique Date
For Paula	stephen g skipper	Hi Stephen, Your love for Paula comes shinning through every written word of this poem. For anyone to love and to be loved so profoundly is a great gift. She has spoken to you of many things...love, trust, time..the present, past and future, she showed you the color of these things in a gentle loving manner..."with lilt, truth and tone carved deep into my bones" ...this is my favorite line as it lets the reader know that no matter what lies ahead or what trials and tribulations you may face you will do it together as you are bound as one by your everlasting love. I just posted a poem called "Past" which is about the death of my husband and how the mind keeps those feelings alive. So when I re-visit the past I do still feel the pain of loss but I also envision the wonderful times of our lives together. It is so heart-warming to read about your love for your wife as there is not enough of that now-a-days when divorce is so prevelant. The future has a way of taking care of itself and the more we love and the more we express that love, the easier the road ahead. I pray for peace and serenity to be part of your daily lives and hope I get to read more of your beautiful poetry. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-10-12 20:21:37
Patched to Tapestry	Darren J Ledbetter	Hi Darren, This is the second very profound poem I have read today and I hope I don't fracture your meaning. In the first stanza you set the reader up for the thoughts that follow. Your bridges have been burned, you are certain you will suffer great wrath for some deeds and those very deeds are getting in the way of your dreams and aspirations..I feel a certain sadness and regret here. In S2 you welcome sleep but in that sleep state you forget all those wonderful dreams and latch, instead, onto the memories of hellish nightmares which are formost in your brain. S3 give me feelings of pathos and sorrow because you seem to give into feelings of despair. Also the same emotions in S4 but a spectacular ending to this piece. I love the way you have used tapestry and patches as it gives even more meaning to the words. Very good piece of writing. I cannot help but wonder if this tapestry and patches are written about your own life or perhaps someone very close to you...at any rate I loved this poem and hope to read more of your work. Blessing...Marilyn	2003-10-12 13:19:51
Clouds and Curtains	Mark D. Kilburn	Hi Mark, I must tell you that this poem really speaks to me as I have traveled a similar path as you describe here. Your words are full of emotion, doubt..."vulture like, shadowing my path"..."sapping my strength... fogging my mind"...powerful words especially when read by someone who has felt these things and survived them...."I don't stare at the curtain, just feel it out there lurking..." I used a mental wall..was 31 years old at the time and told I had 3 months to live...that was more than 30 years ago. That mental wall has served me well as I still use it to insulate me from whatever 'slings and arrows' are aimed my way. You write that you steal courage from the elderly and the young who so bravely face what is out there. However, I am almost certain that they see you as the brave and strong one, relying on yourself to manage each day and the pain you face every hour...."You quickly grab your postitives and asorb moments of focus, like the sun's warmth"...these are words of strength that you reach deep down inside to find, and they will always be there for you even tho you are sure there are no more strengths to pull on. This is a wonderful poem and one I wish I had been able to read all those many years ago when I thougth my life was over. I am hoping that you have written this about someone else but it is so well crafted and done with such profound emotion that I must believe you are living the words. If so I pray for you and if not you will certainly know that I really got into each line you have written. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-10-09 21:56:24
An Act of Fate	stephen g skipper	Hi Stephen, Every time I read one of your poems I think each one is the best you have written...and now you have done it again as this piece is so beautiful...full of emotion and love for your mate which shines through in every line...."A band of gold around my beating heart" this is a wonderful line and to me it alludes to your wedding ring...which when I read it I knew I knew the sadness would would be brimming in every line. You met through a simple act of fate and now you wait for a simple act of faith...brings tears to my eyes. The 3rd stanza gives me a warm feeling one of hope and acceptance..."robes of radiant lights for us to share"..."walk with me a little while longer" Oh how well I know this simple plea...just a little longer as I am not ready to walk alone. The ending..."I will stand with you, my beloved..to the end of our time." Keep that thought...Stevie...keep it with you every day. We never know what awaits us over the next horizon and that is a blessing..there are sorrows there that we surely would think we could not live through...but we do..we rise above them, each in our own way, and there is always something good there..we only have to climb the first mountain as the remaing treks get easier....I know as I have climbed. Lovely poem...keep writing. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-10-09 21:26:23
Crucible Of The Towers	Paul R Lindenmeyer	Dear Paul, This piece is so chilling and to know that it is a reality is also chilling. I was getting ready to go to work on 9-11 when I heard the sounds of disbelief in the t.v. announcer's voices after the first plane hit. What you have written here is a grimm reminder of that horrible day and you have written it in such a way that I felt all those feelings of turmoil all over again. I now have a grandson in Iraq so the war touches all of us even though we felt so safe before that day. On 9-10 if someone had told me all these things would transpire I would have thought they had taken leave of their senses. Thank you for posting this important account of that eventful day.... lest we forget. I hope to read more of your work. Peace...Marilyn	2003-09-28 21:51:10
Life at "Bottoms Up Lounge"	Terrye Godown	Hi Terrye, I must tell you that I so enjoyed this piece...it is so graphic that I could easily put myself in that bar...."we goddess of saline reduce testostoron drool"...this is such a funny statement and so fitting for this "Bottoms up lounge"..."bodies worth ten grand"...I suppose that is very true to these lounge dancers...imagine having to spend that much to keep your job!..."go home to whats on hand"..hilarious!!..."for these sleek liop'd thighs and "cups running over"..great...."driving home with the cruise on denial"...I have only been in one such bar and that was many years ago but I couldn't help but wonder how these women justify what they do for a living I guess they do it in hopes that they will become famous or maybe they have children to feed and can make more money dancing than waiting tables...who knows. You have given us a peek into this world as well as giving the women, who entertain there, a personality. Very enjoyable read...good imagery and full of humor. Peace...Marilyn	2003-09-27 16:12:25
Haiku - untitled	Andrea M. Taylor	Hi Andrea, Well I don't know what inspired this haiku but I just love it. So appropiate for this time of year. It brings forth a lovely image..."opious colors"...they certainly are that and we should all stop a bit every day so that we don't miss them before they are gone and "old man winter" covers them with his frosty wand. blessings...Marilyn	2003-09-27 15:48:46
Nativity	carole j mennie	Dear Carole, This is an amazing poem and one that gives me a shiver up and down my spine. The descriptive words are so chilling amd give this reader the complete horror of the homeless "...urine freezes on a park bench." I worked at hospital for many years and saw hordes of homeless people come into the E.R. (especially in winter) faking illness or suicide just to get a warm place to sleep and some food...."feces becomes cloaked slush" these words are so descriptive that they are repulsive...."Coca Cola Claus" love this..."....emaciated stick figures....cardboard caves.. ....clouds of stinking breath and frost rotted teeth." These words are simply gut wrenching to those of us who have never know such depravity especially when it is going on in our country right under our noses...."sorry creche" wonderful words for this piece. The last two lines I must confess have stumped me and I am not sure of the exact intent...please enlighten me. This is a great piece of writing on a horrific subject...thanks for jolting me into reality. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-09-27 15:36:10
Blaze	Dawn Parker	Dear Dawn, I have read this poem several times and at first I wasn't sure of the meaning...what sort of blaze...then all at once I was into it. To me this piece speaks of a lovers spat..."uncertain in this ignighted moment hearts ache to quickly heal." This is just beautiful..the charged moment when two lovers or perhaps wonderful friends want so badly to recover from the heartache of hurtful words they needed to vent. "Flared eyes risk a shielded glance stoked by crumbling fire wall bricks" ...the fire of anger begins to abate...feet shuffling to regain balance ....fueled by hope admist smoldering sticks"...wonderful..."Blame loosens it's fiery hold"...now the lovers want to forgive..stop blaming each other for whatever crime fuled this passionate balze. ..."minds kindle regrets"..."Hot tears of passion flume"...good line "cheeks absorb the sulphur taste..tempered with trust for the other's face" ..."arms reach for an explosive embrace"...all the anger is gone now and the need to hold and comfort each other has taken its place...."spirited above this ashen place." lovely ending to a passionate piece of writing. I have a feeling this will be high on the winners list this month. The emotion with which it is written shines through every word and line...just beautiful. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-09-25 21:30:12
Traffic Light	C Arrownut	Hello C. This is a very intriging piece that I have read several times. I must admit I am not tuned into your meaning but there is something so compelling about it that one cannot let go without down some thoughts. "The angles sit atop the trees" I like this idea and I can see that the words then become playful...with "a light in each hand"...... "like a traffic light of insanity" Playful..interesting...unexpected. ..."The eyes descend the trees broaden"...this is a true observation as the trees do get wider as they go from top to bottom..astute.. I am not sure what happened with the poor hanging elves but the idea is funny when you think about it...."us to probe and search beyond the glare of our gods"....this is my favorite line..just wonderful. All in all I love this piece but someone with more poetic saavy will have to probe into the meaning. Loved it... Peace...Marilyn	2003-09-25 21:12:54
Graced	Andrea M. Taylor	Hi Andrea, Another great and worthy haiku. This one carries a beautiful message in so few words. There is nothing more lovely than a choir of voices singing hymns. For many years I sang in two choirs, one in church and one formed by PTA mothers and I loved every minute of it. Sometimes I would actually get chills just hearing all the voices around me. Keep writing haiku as I think you have a talent for it. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-09-24 16:05:02
Lies and Vices	Mark D. Kilburn	Hi Mark, This is such an insightful and heartfelt piece that I don't know where to start. I do so agree with so much of what you have written and I have no idea what it would take to make people stop taking drugs, drinking and smoking. These things are like 'friends' to the people that use them and I think the users think they cannot function without them. I know people that have to drink at social events just to have a good time...personally I don't drink just because it makes me feel drunk...don't laugh it is true. However, it does not bother me to see other people drinking socially. I too wonder why the feds wont make marijuana legal for medicinal use...it is well documented that it helps cancer victims. The odd think it says right on the doctor's liscense that he can dispense it..so what is that all about? I have a grandson who is in this senseless war and my late husband was in Korea so I feel first hand very strongly on this isssue. You have addressed so many problems here and you have put it to perfect rhyme which I admire you for as that is not always easy to do. In the first stanza you state that you sold your 'first bag' in Sunday scholl so I can only assume that this poem is from your own experience. You have apprently licked all your demons and I admire you for that, as well. I enjoyed this read from beginning to end and thank you for posting it. Gives all of us something to think about. Peace....Marilyn	2003-09-24 13:17:20
Blowin' da "Blues" otta da Horn!	Andrea M. Taylor	Hi Andrea, This is just the cutest poem...light and full of fun. The form you have used (one I haven't seen) seems perfect here. It moves the words around with a perfect rhyme giving the piece a melodic sound. "Auntie Mame"...this name takes me back a bit and I read it several times just to hear the cadence of the words. Good job...I loved it! Blessings...Marilyn	2003-09-24 12:57:42
Perfumery (Tanka)	carole j mennie	Hi Carole, I know very little about the tanka form of poetry but from reading this one I am intrigued. You have given us wonderful imagery of cut lumber and it does have a delicious odor...I am able to congur up that smell in my mind as I read the words. I wish I knew more about tanka and could give you a more in depth crit but I felt I must tell you the way the words effected me. I will read up on the subject and hopefully do a better job next time! The style is compact and concise as well as having great imagery. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-09-23 15:50:00
Strapped	Thomas H. Smihula	Hi Thomas, I am completly taken by this piece. I must admit I was not sure what your meaning was until I read the last word..."Love" and then the light bulb in my head turned on and I thought 'how could it be anything else but love that binds us'...comparing it to a mast or yardarm is just brilliant. Our whole lives we are bound to a love of one sort or another and even tho we are blown, singed, calmed, engulfed, thrown, and drained it is still the most compelling instinct we own. This poem is well crafted and I like the form you have used here. Also it is filled with emotion and turmoil inisting the reader continue on until the last word. Some loves are more tumultuous than others which gives them more meaning and intrigue. Life and the loves of our lives can only be boring and mundane if we allow them to be. This love, of which you write, is anything but that! Loved it. Peace...Marilyn	2003-09-23 15:30:26
Untitled	Claire H. Currier	Hi Claire, I scrooled down my list just to see who was out there and I found you! I am just so pleased that you are writing again and don't care where you are on my list I needed to respond! Your first time out in ever so long and you write a haiku...wonderful. You have stayed within the guideline...this comes from a novice you know....and the message is just great. I love "when wrinkles are joined" what a lovely way to describe a frown or laugh. I heard someone say the other day that the cheapest face lift in the world is a smile...isn't that the truth? ..."your eyes still shining brightly" now the reader knows the joined wrinkles are making a beautiful smile...."peace, love, joy, remains" This whole haiku lends a feeling of softness and tenderness which are two emotions that are always welcomed. In haiku I think the caps on the first word of each line is not necessary but it certainly does not detract from the words or the message. Great job...keep it up! Love and peace...Marilyn	2003-09-22 13:04:00
Occupation,Revelation	Michael Bird	Hi Michael, So this is what guys are thinking as you see them walking up and down the streets? I am not young anymore but I still see guys staring for whatever reason...certainly not "Revelation or Occupation!" This is a fun piece to read..well structured, frank, and revealing as it relates to the male just wanting to meet a special girl that will share his feelings of passion. The repeated phrase..."running my hand up and down"...is sexy and makes this a compelling read. Good luck on your next night out! Marilyn	2003-09-22 12:53:11
Brushed By Death	Debbie Spicer	Hi Debbie, As I read your words I could feel your pain and the uncertainty of life as we know it. Unfortunately I have been operated on so many times I quit counting. You have deftly told your story with a great deal of emotion and it took me on a journey of my own...."Anguish surged upon me" These are perfect words for intractable pain..."tearing with dull scissors" This line gives me the shivers...that ripping, tearing abdominal pain is beyond words but you found them giving this reader more than pause.... I love the way you have used a tapestry to describe the fine thread between life and death....wonderful...."unsure, at this time, if I could take a breath"....I know the fear in taking a breath as you know just the act of inhaling wll increase the pain. In the 3rd stanza you are beginning to wake and this reader begins to relax with ..."resonates of hope's dream still played."..."turning dull threads back facing the bright"...even before you wake you are fighting with all your might.. coming out of the abyss and wondering why everyone is staring at you with their hearts in their throats. A close call, Debbie, I prayed for you as we all did as soon as we heard what was happeinig to you. Thank God you are home safe and well. Love...Marilyn	2003-09-22 12:40:03
Grand	Judy A Badger	Hi Judy, Boy...this is a poem after my heart! I have seven grand-children, two great-grand-children and another one on the way. Each one is so special in their own way and sooooo easy to love! This is a lovely poem about becoming a grand-parent...well written and full of emotion just as we grand-mothers always are. I love "dancing, impish eyes" the word impish can be used to describe any child..guess that is what makes them so fun....."tiny fist clenched...mixed with tootsie role" this line took me back to my own children...."My heart skips and tumbles and tap dances in my chest"...this is my favorite line as I know my heart jumps around in my chest everytime I see their cute faces. Then as they grow and mature and do something wonderful that same chest swells so much you are sure it will pop! Thanks for posting this poem...I loved every line of it. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-09-19 10:55:11
When Trees in Fall Begin to Spill Their Colors	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, What a beautiful image you paint of fall...As I read your words I can actually see the scene as you describe it's beauty. Even the title is wonderful...I love.."spill their colors" I have seen ring-necked pheasants as they run through the weeds. They are such a wonderful thing to see in the wild. My husband and I use to hunt pheasants and I must confess it was hard for me to see them fall from the sky with a bullet imbedded in their lovely bodies...."Wasps threaten sleek ruby- throated hummingbirds" My husband put up several bird feeders in our backyard and a special one for hummingibrds, however, we only had one bird that fed from it...probably not very prevelant in our area. I don't think I have ever seen a Townsend warblers...what do they look like? Joanne, this is another lovely poem from you with great imagery and poetic talent...enjoyed it very much. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-09-19 10:22:00
The Passing	Judy A Badger	Hi Judy, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother, a burden that you will carry the rest of your life, but it will get lighter as time passes. I took care of my mother for six years until she passed away at the age of 91. When she turned 90 she told me that she was tired, had done this long enough (life) and just wanted it to be over. I was still not prepared for her to actually die but as this poem points..once He makes that decision he does not take it back...."He gave her the map, she followed it precisely"..the is a good line to begin this piece. ..."she was ready but not I"...I know every child feels this emotion when losing a parent....you just want her to come home and "not be gone anymore" I love that line. Then the poem speaks of how God needed her too and she was only on loan and it is His turn to walk with her and comfort her. In the end..."a joyous reunion, therein lies the miracle." You have used good words here to express yourself and the emotion you still feel at the loss of your mother. But in the end you rationalize it by telling yourself you will see her again someday...and that you will. I have no nits for this poem..it comes from your soul and you should not change a word of it. Blesssings...Marilyn	2003-09-18 16:07:08
The Complications of Life	Erica L. Badger	Hi Erica, "The complications of life" an apt title to a poem that outlines the difficulty in becoming an adult. Welcome to TPL..hope you like us! I cannot tell your age from the piece..."childish soul" but you may be older than a child and are eluding to your naivety other than your age. I have joined the ranks of the 'seniors' but have always been somewhat naive. It was a shock to me as a young person when someone was cruel or something bad happened to a good person. I soon found out that the world is not a bowl of cherries...."Its creating a massive hole" this is such a true statement...."Its taking away my innocence and feeding me adulthood" I especially like this line....'hatred, rage, and blame...until living itself becomes a chore'...'jelousy, greed and anger...creating a barren wasteland.' Such sad words for a young person to learn....'yet the guilty tend to run free' I never unstood this either and it happens everyday in every walk of life....'growing up is changing my outlook'..I hate to see this in anyone to be hit in the face with reality never to return to that innocent state of mind. This poem has a lot of merit and you should continue to write as I feel you have a lot to say. BLessings...Marilyn	2003-09-17 11:01:00
japanese verse 25 (Dawn)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl, I love this haiku..."First sign of sunlight....pouring in silent delight." These are wonderful words giving a perfect image of sunrise. Sunlight does pour as it peeks up over the earth. It seems to 'pour' slowly but deliberatly until the earth is covered with it's 'smile of warmth'. Of course your structure here is perfect and the message is timeless. Your talent is overwhelming...just beautiful! Blessings of peace...Marilyn	2003-09-17 10:43:34
A Hope For A Thousand Tommorrows	stephen g skipper	Hi Stephen, This poem has such sad over-tones...it is a somber and simple plea to the one you love to never leave you. But at the same time it speaks of a love that will not or cannot last for eternity...."I want you more than a thousand times"..."wrapped as we are in our circumstancial cocoon." You are closer to each other more than ever due to a change in your lives that has overcome you...."I know that you will not cross the river now, not today, no, not today." I feel the pathos here...a fear of loss which looms in the future...."Yet another chance to put right the wrongs of a wronged man." not quite sure about this line...sounds like you believe you committed a wrong but then you were wronged. However, the last stanza is beautiful..."clear skies...starstuck lovers, soul mates, and best friends." The last line is so reveling in that you are speaking of a place where you both will find peace and love that has no limits. You may be speaking of heaven in this line. Beautiful poem with so much emotion and love for you wife. I wish you both well and keep writing. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-09-16 18:00:13
Untitled	Andrea M. Taylor	Hi Andrea, This is an ingenious haiku! Using two words with 5 sylables for the first line...three words for seven in the next and finally three for five in the last line. Good show!! Why can't I do that? I also like the caterpillar as the star of this tale...very well done. Marilyn	2003-09-16 17:33:03
Class and Style	Mark D. Kilburn	Hi Mark, What a musical and fun poem this is...perfect to describe a concert, the music, the theater, the band, and of course your lovey wife. This poem should be read aloud to music as you have poetically given it a melody to go with the words...not an easy things to do but you have done it ever so well. The ebb and flow of the rhyme is perfect and the repetition of the 2nd, 4th, 6th and 8th, stanzas is perfect. Musically speaking 'the refrain.' The imagery of the empty seats and the trash litering the streets is great. Never went to a concert that I didn't see this very sight....."they came on early, played past last" is musical all on it's own. The tribute to your wife is sentimental and one that I am sure she just loves. Thanks for sharing your night out to see the condert with us. Peace...Marilyn	2003-09-15 18:30:57
Shadow of Greatness	Mark D. Kilburn	Hi Mark, Out of all the poems and writings about 9-11 that I have read I do believe this one is the most stirring. Your choice of words..."backbone, grieving nation, valiant giants, ash, rubble, sacrifice, evilness, cowardice, give so much strength and passion to this piece. It is a compelling read...and I have read it several times just to make sure I have not missed a word and it affects me the same way each time. I have a grandson in the service who is somewhere in that unforgiving piece of the world that assualts our young people with sand, heat, no sanitation, loneliness, fear, and death. Sometimes, when I allow myself to think about it, I ask, how can his be happening? Where does such evil and hate come from...how can human beings be so cruel as to intentially wound and kill their fellow man. Heavens knows I don't have the answer and perhaps God is the only one that does. This is such an important poem and I am glad you posted it here for all of us to read. The last stanza, thankfully, gives hope to the reader as it tells us to stand together and unity will make us strong..."from sea to shining sea." Pray for Peace...Marilyn	2003-09-14 20:58:44
Departed Spirits	C Arrownut	Hi C. This is a wonderful and well written tribute to your loved one..I assume it is your father. I have lost so many people in my family over the years but the most grievious to me where my parents and my husband. My father was first and I truly believed that I could not breath as I held his hand and he took his last breath. We (my husband and I) did not live in the same town as my parents and after we came home I lulled myself into thinking if I was not there to see he was gone...perhaps he wasn't gone after all. My husband made me go back and face his death and finally I was able to deal with it. My husband passed away after a long illness and I grieve to this day but have accepted his death. Six years later my mother passed away then to make matters worse my little dog died. When that happened I swore I would never love anyone or anything that much again as it was just too painful. Well a few weeks ago one of my children brought me a little dog..just to see what I thought..and of course she is so cute that I could not say no! I promise you will heal from this loss even tho you think now that you won't. Everyone goes through the grieving process in their own way...I always wished there was a rule book of some kind with step to follow that were fail safe.. but there is not. Writing this poem is a huge step and if you continue to write you will find that it helps to heal you....it did for me and continues. I like this piece...it is well written and conveys the message you intended to send. My best to you and I hope you keep writing...not only to help you cope with this sadness but because I think you have a talent. Peace...Marilyn	2003-09-14 20:41:13
A Glorious Day	Callie Cothren	Dear Callie, Welcome to TPL we are happy to have you. I am very fond of poetry about nature and find myself writing poems with that theme. One reason why I like this piece is that it has a positive theme..literally paints a happy and "rosy" picture of the earth from sun-up to sun-down. We poets have a tendancy to write about sad or morose events that carry with them a lot of emotion and pathos...I am among the poets that do this! So it is so refreshing to see a poem written, that reminds us of the beauty of where we live and what a precious gift that is. In this time of war, doom, and gloom, we tend to forget how fortunate we really are, and your poem tells us to stop and see the beauty of it all. You have written with great imagery which puts the reader where they need to be to see the wonders of sun-up and sun-down...a lovely sight which we should never take lightly. Good job...keep writing. Peace...Marilyn	2003-09-14 20:07:35
Our Bullets are Bigger	Karen Ragan	Hi Karen, This is a fascinating piece that speaks many truths in each line. Through the eyes of a child, the innocent, who had nothing to do with this horrendus event..but has everything to do with their future. The stick men and purple bullets says a lot when drawn by a child. A large flag of white, purple, and blue, says something is wrong here and without really knowing it this child made a profound statement with his crayons...."Americans fell to their knees, reaching up for God's hand of strength"..I especially like this line...very poingant....also "we win when our weapons are mixed with compassion and our courage and trust is in God and each other." I just love the last stanza where you speak of putting Josh to bed and singing Jesus Love Me to him. It speaks of serentiy and love which is paramount for a child. This piece carries a great message, one that we should all heed and believe. thanks for sharing this important poem with us. Peace...Marilyn	2003-09-13 12:43:40
So Nice	Judy A Badger	Dear Judy, Yes it is so nice..."Live. Love. Life. "Time brings changes, life renewed." " Friendship rainbows, multi-hued" These are lovely words and the rhyme is rhythmical which is very pleasing to the ear. The next two lines..."Harmony shouts with joyful cries" don't rhyme but the rhythm is retained and the integrity of the poem remains. The second stanza is the same rhyming "cries with sighs" which lulls the reader into the words. I especially like the repetition of "Live. Love. Life. So nice." ..."Sharing smiles, sharing tears, stepping stones through all our years." Beautiful statement for all those that live and love in the same marriage or relationship for all their lives. I enjoyed this poem very much..thanks for sharing. Best...Marilyn	2003-09-13 12:12:53
Allegiance	Andrea M. Taylor	Hi Andrea, This is a wonderful haiku...you filled all the requirements. Keep in mind I am new to the art of haiku but I do believe this is one of the best ones I have read so far. I has a beautiful message..keep writing! Bblessings...Marilyn	2003-09-12 12:32:58
Love is a Trapeze	Denise A McCroskey	Hi Denise, You describe love so well...one must give freedom, flow, movement, and grace, or it cannot be true love and then becomes a bondage. To be able to allow freedom to the one you love is the true meaning of love in every sense of the word. Too often one or the other will attempt to own and restrict their mate, which of course never works. ..."how beautiful is the dance of two artists flowing together in labyrinth...free yet bonded, together yet bonded, one yet two." this is my favorite line. Very well done...liked this one a lot. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-09-10 17:53:19
A Cardinal View	Robert L Tremblay	Hi Robert, You haven't been around in awhile and I have missed reading your work. This paticular piece will put a lump in the throat of all who read it. You have used words that paint a graphic picture of that horrible day that has burned itself into the minds of us all...."the suicidal eagles' grizzley blow which brightens the horizan's gruesome glow"...wonderful placement of words...very descriptive...."tentacles entwine lungs thirsting for air" ...this line actually makes me shiver as I can picture people gasping and flailing, clutching their throats for want of air...."love is beckoned heavenly disguised"...these words give the reader a chance to catch their breath and realize that no matter how awful this is we can still see the light at the end of the tunnel and know that we will be welcomed into His arms. That is the only saving grace of such an horrific event...the knowledge that those poor trapped souls were part of a "Devine Plan" and even though we will never know what that Plan was it does lend some solace to those left behind. Great poem....glad you shared it with us.. ..don't stay away so long! Peace...Marilyn	2003-09-10 17:43:53
Right to Life	Rachel F. Spinoza	Hi Rachel, WOW this is a powerful poem..very well crafted. You tell this story, of the horrible plight of this girl, and do it with deep emotion in every line. This reader cannot help but feel instantly sorry for her and wish somehow this will turn out fine...but knowing that it will not and can not. Born with an addiction and virtually no one to help her she will just melt into oblivion as do the hundereds of other children who come into this world and already have three strikes against them. The words you have used to paint this sad picture are so compelling to the reader...no possible way to not finish this piece. Words like... ..."pushed, pulled, unwilling, unwanted...cold hungry, sunshine screams, faithlessness, violent rape, covered in brusis and burns"...strong words that make an impact on each stanza. Wonderful poem about a dire and horrible situation...one that goes on day after day. Blessings..Marilyn	2003-09-10 17:10:24
Epitaph	Ken Dauth	Hi Ken, An epitaph is usually sad and full of the great and wonderful deeds the deceased has accomplished but this one is a simple plea to be laid to rest where serenity abides and there is nothing to distrub it. The imagery here catches my eye as I have so often seen these places... .."a good distance from the highway"...where I live that is easy as we have so many wide open spaces where we are free to wander..."alongside a wrangled old tree waiting for the thaw"..."above a nestled thicket on a cloudy day"....peaceful, quiet,un-bothered by the din of the world, the confusion and nervous-ness of man. I have been to this place..it is in the mountains of Colorado where I once went to a friend's funeral. She was buried on the side of a Mountain under a large pine tree. It was at summer's end so the air was clear and a little crisp. I have never forgotten that place and have often thought anyone laid to rest there could look down from heaven and see themselves at peace. Anyway I don't know what prompted you to write this poem but I sense a little guilt..."amends to the way I lived...." This is a lovely piece which I will put on my list of poems for the month. Peace...Marilyn	2003-09-09 17:39:11
Lunar Spoofs	Joanne M Uppendahl	Dear Joanne, I really do love this poem about Luna who can be ever so fickle as you have poetically stated...."New moon" here she stirs oyster beds and rouses her sea children from their slumber. "Cresant moon"...slice pieces of night"...love this line, the minute I read the words I received the image and thought..."yes it does slice!"..."cuts silver slivers".. beautiful......"Half and half moon"...."make up your mind"....I love your humor here..gives a jaunty feeling about the moon...."Three quarter moon" ...here again you use humor to define this moon..."busy with laundry".. clever...then "Full moon"..."Renounce your changeling sister for fooling us with put-on phases." Perfect ending to the story you wove in such a masterful way. Loved it and glad I found it before it disappeared from my list! Blessings...Marilyn	2003-09-08 22:20:04
The Lethal Letter	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Dear Erzahl, I am glad you wrote a post script to this poem as when I read it the second time it made so much sense and I am sure will give all who read it a feeling of fear and awakening. I am sure the "nightwalkers" are still among us and we will never forget their "creeping in the midst of us"...and when I think that the "aliens" are even among us in the day time without us being aware of their presence it is overwhelming.... ..."fear creature acting human to ride our death vehicles."...I was just in Texas and of course flew there and back. I have never been afraid to fly before but now I say a prayer every time I board a plane and the worst part is that it nevers gets better. I really like the way you have written this piece...you have mirrored my feelings exactly..."strike by great terror ignite the will" the last words..."For in God's hourglass justice will serve us." gives this reader a felling of hope that all is not lost and we will prevail. Good poem and no doubt another winner! Blessings...Marilyn	2003-09-08 16:38:58
Hamburg Haiku	Michael J. Cluff	Hi Michael, Usually haikus don't make me smile but this one did. You have stayed with the 5-7-5 format of a haiku and allowed yourself to paint a little outside the lines with humor..which I find very refreshing. I am new to the world of haiku...have only attempted two which I have posted here. Someone told me that the students of haiku in Japan were made to study and write for 20 years before their work would be polished enough to deserve reading. Well I don't have that long left...don't think anyway.. so I will continue to stumble along. Enjoyed this one...keep them coming. Peace...marilyn	2003-09-08 16:23:51
Echoes From The Sea	Mell W. Morris	Dearest Mell, Well I think you have gone and done it again...written a beautiful piece of poetry which I am sure will touch everyone who reads it. ..."winds scour the sky"...I love this line..never thought of wind as scouring but it does. "Ancient people believed that drowned souls lived on in seals in this eldtrich stretch of seascape." This line give us the meaning of this poem and compells the reader to continue as we don't want to miss anything the poet has to say...."bruised moss on scattered stones"...great imagery as you have perfectly captured the way moss looks when it has been stepped on repeatedly...."Soon I sense an increasing gravity"...something is about to happen...read on..don't miss it...."as if I am in a burrow in the ocean bed."...and then a wonderful phrase that is so inventive..."a womb-oneness with the sea"...your talent as a poet is really showing here..."my first glance reveals a vast symphony of seals." So the drowned souls do live on after all. I do not know who Seamus Heaney is but I wish I did...this is just lovely and I am so glad I found it before it had a chance to float off into TPL's black hole of poems. Be well...Marilyn	2003-09-08 16:14:29
The Law of Mercy	Darlene A Moore	Dear Darlene, In reading this piece I do belive it is about "debtors prison"... "with borrowed bits of tarnished silver"...."bars are thick black iron secure in brackets of stone"..."I starve on moldy bread and brackish water"...good description..."Pride reduces itself into a skeletal lean body mass"...my favorite line. Your words are so graphic that I found myself inside that cell of despair along with the debtor. The last stanza gives a glimmer of hope and the redemption of this man offers a sigh of relief. Good poem and one that goes on my list of favorites. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-09-02 10:13:08
Each Morning I Begin Again	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, I am in Texas as we speak helping my grand daughter with her new baby. I checked the link and saw this piece and am compelled to comment. Of course I never read the orginial version but this one is just lovely and so describes many of my mornings...."sip coffee's hint of bitter"....my morning coffee is what I must have to begin my day. When I was raising a family I always tried to get up before the rest so I could sip my coffee alone and in peace before the "thundering herd" assailed me!..."search dream's meaning from the nights realm"....I am sure thousands of people do this...most of us search for the meaning but usually it escapes us. Guess we could believe Freud and think they are all sexual...."My stinging shower stings..(love this)...minutes in it's vital gush affirm I am still alive."..even with the coffee we still need that invigorating shower to make sure our hearts are truely beating...."Daybreak spouts like spirited water- spirited and clean."...This whole piece hits home with me and I am so glad you posted it otherwise I would have never had the opportunity to have my morning ritual put into words. Thanks Joanne...Blessings...Marilyn	2003-08-27 16:47:34
Charge of Discrimination	Debbie Spicer	Hi Debbie, So nice to read a poem from you and this one really makes an impression of how words can wound the soul...especially words that attack and abuse...those types of words are never forgotten no matter how much time passes. They will continue to wound everytime they cross the mind...."Rustlings of the tongue in restless thought" this is a wonderful beginning to this piece as it sets the tone of it's content. ..."critical contempt"...great line..."shielding not the sacrifice or shame of grace"....gut wrenching phrase..."fluid emotion by sauntered frenzy ooze from the mouth of talk"...I espicially like this line, it personifies the pain and injury done to another with hateful words... ..."intention to harm"...this is a vile form of abuse. I don't recall a time when I said something hateful that I really meant to harm the other person...but perhaps I have without really knowing what 'their' pain was. The loss of self respect to the spirit and soul are all consuming. This is another great write from you..it is full of emotion which I believe is the only way to write a meaningful piece. Glad you are back...Blessings...Marilyn	2003-08-20 17:49:17
Waiting in the Cradle	Rachel F. Spinoza	Dear Rachel, This is such a sweet and loving poem to Amanda and let me tell you why I wish I had written it. My grand-daughter gave birth to a little boy on Aug. 12th and we are all so thrilled! Your words, even though few, tell the whole story of how a child is welcomed into a loving family. I am just sure that 'tiny dimple in her knee' may very well change the course of history! This Saturday I will fly to Ft Worth to stay with my grand-daughter as her husband and my daughter both must return to work. I can hardly wait to get my arms around that little boy and I am sure he is just as beautiful as they all tell me he is. I just have a feeling he might inspire me to write a poem but after reading this piece I am afraid I won't do him justice! I am so glad you shared this little bit of Amanda with us. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-08-19 16:26:53
Untitled Haiku Revised	Barbara Ascolese	Hi Barbara, I have written two haikus and posted them here but I am still in the learning stage!! It is more difficult than one would imagine to stay within the guidelines and still write something that makes sense. I am impressed with this one as you have written a lovely piece and as far as I can tell you have 17 sylables with the 5-7-5 format. Hopefully I will gain more experience with this form of poetry and can give a more in-depth crit but for now I think this one is lovely and will look forward to reading more of your work. blessings...Marilyn	2003-08-17 13:02:07
My Hero and Star	Susan J. Certo	Dear Susan, Welcome to TPL. This poem is a lovely and simple ode to love. It is written with an abundance of emotion and love. At first I thought you may have been speaking of your father but as the poem progressed I could see the love was for a husband or perhaps a boy friend..."we are no longer teenagers." The rhyming scheme you have used here moves the words right along and is pleasant to the ear. You might want to seperate the stanzas just for the sake of the flow but it reads well as is. ..."And manys the spear you removed from my heart"..good line showing the support you have gotten from this man. The endng...."forever and always my hero and star"..depicts the loyalty you feel for this man and a love that will endure no matter what hardships you have faced together or are yet to face. Good job...I will be looking forward to reading more of your work. Blessings...Marilyn	2003-08-17 12:46:02
Chameleon	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Hi Erzahl, First let me send congrats for your success in last month's contest! Well done and well deserved! As for this new piece I must tell you that it captivated me at once. I read it the first time just to get the feel of the rhyme and rythum and a second time, as well. There is a poem by the name of "Justine" and for the life of me I can't remember who wrote it but it has the same cadence as this one, using the name "Justine" at the end of each stanza. Chameleon...in each line and each stanza you use a perfect description of the chameleon..."Festive tones... ...camouflage, protective badge, El's electric, born pretender (clever) no commotion, this Chameleon" I found myself wishing you had written more about this little fellow as he is mysterious and your poem makes him fun. Totally compelling and witty...keep writing as you have an obvious gift and we are lucky that you are sharing it with us. Peace...Marilyn	2003-08-14 16:04:00
An Immodest Request	Rick Barnes	Hi Rick, This is such a beautiful and sensual poem that I had to read more than once. Not only the words define this piece but also the rhyme and rhythm which are more than delicious. It is obviously spoken to a intoxicating female and could even be lewd if it were not so expertly written...."Show to me your hidden places"...this first line hooked me immediately!..."loose your soft secluded laces"...wonderful... ...."invite my eyes to trespass where light so seldom trails"...now that you undressed her in the first stanza this line is fitting!..."that I may know your mystries by scent and sight and feel"...some might say this line could do without the 'ands' but it could not..they keep the rhythm going from one word and one line to the next. the last stanza is very seductive..."and know at last that it is I surrending to you." This poem is lovely in it's simplicity...I love it. This is the 3rd poem I have critiqued this month that has been sensual and or sexy... must be something in the water (ha ha) Good job it has my vote. Peace...Marilyn	2003-08-14 15:09:28
Drivin Me Crazy (No "G" intended)	George L White	Hi George, What a great and humerous piece this is and I just love it. You have written it with such wit that I was totally engaged from the first line. I can just see you and Martha changing places in the front seat, in fact I have been guilty of that myself...."I'm not one to argue, besides she is much bigger..by now I have learned to obey"...good for you, George, probably works better anyway!..."how we got switched without hittin a ditch..."...I laughed out loud at this line. I remember when me and my husband did this and as usual I launched into a fit of laughter which was the bane of his existance. In those days there were no seat belts and we were on the highway..we finally made it in spite of my uncontrollable laughter but now I wonder how in the heck we did it without wrecking. You really take me back with this one and I loved every minute of it...thanks for posting and making me...and I am sure everyone else...laugh. Also you have written this in a conversational tone that is very effective. Peace...Marilyn	2003-08-13 16:10:48
Mistress of Briar	Terrye Godown	Dear Terrye, The other day I critiqued a poem that was very sensual and said at the end "I need a cold shower!" Well cold shower here I come!! Just kidding but I must admit this piece is so well written that I find myself feeling like a peeping tom as I read the words. What could be more pitiful that a wife looking on as her husband's desire for this woman is so obvious?..."warmed by her sclupted body" graphic imagery "his rugged hands wrap her long sultery waist" sensual as the wife looks on wishing she could be the one he desires...."my heart yearns to learn how she beckons." As I was reading this poem I found myself cheering for the wife but the ending left me not knowing...which I am sure is your intent as it makes the situation a mystery...very well done...I would not change it. Blessings Marilyn	2003-08-13 15:55:26
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