Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Janet A Burg's E-Mail Address: jaburg6756@aol.com

Janet A Burg's Profile:
My goal in joining the link is simply this: To become better acquainted with poetry by reading as if I were writing each poem. It may seem strange, but the process of reading is instructive, because one begins in uncertainty and drives towards understanding and experiment. I see all poetry, especially my own, as still in-the-making. There is a certainly trial and error in this pursuit. My aim is to aid other writers in the process of aiding my own work. I have a scientific background, and interests in the philosophy of science, pen and ink drawing, and horticulture. I love the use of specificity in poems. My favourite composer is Phillip Glass. Stephen Hawking is my hero as I admire his quest to answer the question of Einstein's about whether God had any choice in His creation of the universe. I agree with Hawking's posit that we live in a universe with no edge, no beginning or end in time.

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Below you will see ALL of the Critiques that Janet A Burg has given on The Poetic Link.
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Displaying Critiques 1 to 1 out of 1 Total Critiques.

Poem Title Poet Name Critique Given by Janet A Burg Critique Date
Pondering Spring Joanne M Uppendahl JoAnne: A poem about the early signs that Spring is about to happen. Free verse, two stanzas of 13 lines each. Technical Suggestions: This is a nice poem, containing details and observations not always available to us. I'm not fond of the title, "Pondering Spring." I don't think that's what's happening. It's more like "Discovering Spring" or "Hoping for" or "Welcoming..." or "Finding...", but there isn't very much philosophical thought in this poem (which might prompt "pondering"); rather, you've gathered some unique signs of life's activities at this period of time when the ice and snow melt and living creatures are getting ready to be active again. The title shouldn't overburden the poem or raise expectations in the reader that are not fulfilled. I would suggest reversing the order of lines 2 and 3 -- get the ruts in place before stepping into the woods. That means putting commas after "morning" in the first line, and after "mud" in the new second line. Then your adventure into the woods holds together, too. I'm not totally happy with the line endings -- what is the purpose of the breast-like forms of these two verses? -- For example, line 7, "chatting in spotted sunlight. Modest" -- the natural line ending is "... sunlight." The next line would be "Modest hens glance" and the next would be "over stippled shoulders." The natural line endings have been forced into seclusion to create the "form". Line 13, "or on it" -- is the pond still iced over? Ducks would be "in" a pond if it is open water. In lines 23 and 24, you have the same verbs: "will be". That's close juxtapositioning. What about having line 23 be something like, "and again Spring is coming" In line 20, I question the need for a dash at the end of the line. A period would work as well or better, making line 21 start a new idea, "Hungry fledgling birds". (I suspect that fledglings come later in the season; the spring activity is parent birds getting together and nesting, but I don't live where you live.) Lines 24 and 25, for the sake of your form, are again broken at unusual places for line endings. The natural break occurs in line 24 after the words "will be", and "the glad being" would be next, and "who is in it" would form one complete line. Now, I could see the two stanzas forming a "pond" if you reverse the margin of the first stanza and place it side-by-side with the second: This morning I turn and slide over rutted mud, in slippery muck I step into woods left from morning's rain at the trees' soft caves Roots and river stones slip and so on, until the oval shapes are complete, but the danger of that would be that people would read the lines across rather than down on the left and then down on the right. :) I especially like your unique lines, like "chatting in spotted sunlight", and "from softened earth's wet fingers", and "wait-a-while weather..." Good writing; vivid images. Thank you for letting me read your poem and critique it. I hope my comments are helpful. Regards, Janet 2005-02-19 12:19:10
Poem Title Poet Name Critique Given by Janet A Burg Critique Date

Displaying Critiques 1 to 1 out of 1 Total Critiques.

If you would like to view all of Janet A Burg's Poetry just Click Here.

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!

Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Janet A Burg	Critique Date
Pondering Spring	Joanne M Uppendahl	JoAnne: A poem about the early signs that Spring is about to happen. Free verse, two stanzas of 13 lines each. Technical Suggestions: This is a nice poem, containing details and observations not always available to us. I'm not fond of the title, "Pondering Spring." I don't think that's what's happening. It's more like "Discovering Spring" or "Hoping for" or "Welcoming..." or "Finding...", but there isn't very much philosophical thought in this poem (which might prompt "pondering"); rather, you've gathered some unique signs of life's activities at this period of time when the ice and snow melt and living creatures are getting ready to be active again. The title shouldn't overburden the poem or raise expectations in the reader that are not fulfilled. I would suggest reversing the order of lines 2 and 3 -- get the ruts in place before stepping into the woods. That means putting commas after "morning" in the first line, and after "mud" in the new second line. Then your adventure into the woods holds together, too. I'm not totally happy with the line endings -- what is the purpose of the breast-like forms of these two verses? -- For example, line 7, "chatting in spotted sunlight. Modest" -- the natural line ending is "... sunlight." The next line would be "Modest hens glance" and the next would be "over stippled shoulders." The natural line endings have been forced into seclusion to create the "form". Line 13, "or on it" -- is the pond still iced over? Ducks would be "in" a pond if it is open water. In lines 23 and 24, you have the same verbs: "will be". That's close juxtapositioning. What about having line 23 be something like, "and again Spring is coming" In line 20, I question the need for a dash at the end of the line. A period would work as well or better, making line 21 start a new idea, "Hungry fledgling birds". (I suspect that fledglings come later in the season; the spring activity is parent birds getting together and nesting, but I don't live where you live.) Lines 24 and 25, for the sake of your form, are again broken at unusual places for line endings. The natural break occurs in line 24 after the words "will be", and "the glad being" would be next, and "who is in it" would form one complete line. Now, I could see the two stanzas forming a "pond" if you reverse the margin of the first stanza and place it side-by-side with the second: This morning I turn and slide over rutted mud, in slippery muck I step into woods left from morning's rain at the trees' soft caves Roots and river stones slip and so on, until the oval shapes are complete, but the danger of that would be that people would read the lines across rather than down on the left and then down on the right. :) I especially like your unique lines, like "chatting in spotted sunlight", and "from softened earth's wet fingers", and "wait-a-while weather..." Good writing; vivid images. Thank you for letting me read your poem and critique it. I hope my comments are helpful. Regards, Janet	2005-02-19 12:19:10
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Janet A Burg	Critique Date