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No Excuses We are what we are Prodigy of our shadow Path of our footprints We can laugh, we can cry Eyes can have teary eyes Tears with blood Or joy in flood We can go forward We can stop...give up Life can be tragic Life can be lessons Whatever others see it I can say with a sinister smile “Life is what we make” |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-07-09 12:35:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Erzhal,
Thanks for helping me find this. I sure wish we could get links to work in this box. If I take this poem's verses by themselves I get very strong impressions.
We can go forward
We can stop...give up
I like the plainness of this of this passage. It puts the choice at our feet and doesn’t make a big deal of the choice. This is an issue I’ve been knocking around in my head lately. I’m concerned about one my son’s future. Plus, I just saw the movie, "The Butterfly Effect". I’m not sure I would recommend this movie to the general pubic. I know I’m not going to let my kids watch it. If you’d seen it I’d love to hear your view on it. If you haven't seen it then I would recommend it to you.
Life can be tragic
Life can be lessons
Whatever others see it
I can say with a sinister smile
“Life is what we make”
The "sinister smile" in this passage made me think of a designer of mischief. Have you ever read "Illusions" by Richard Bach?
We can laugh, we can cry
Eyes can have teary eyes
Tears with blood
Or joy in flood
"Eyes can have teary eyes" is a confusing line to me. I understand what it means, but I'm not sure it lives up to your level of profoundness. It is kind of redundant and sticks out. Maybe I'm just thrown off by the different rhythm of that line. You'll probably explain it to me and I'll smack myself in the forhead and say, "Duh."
The whole poem has a totally different feel then just the first passage alone. I like them both and felt inspired by both. The whole poem has a third person Omniscience feel to it, while the first verse alone had more a contemplative feel to it. I'm so glad you helped me find this poem. Gods, I love reading your work. You make me think and feel. Your work inspires me.
Have a great day,
Kay-Ren