This Poem was Submitted By: Dawn Parker On Date: 2003-09-19 14:44:08 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Taste of Life Loving hands of a passionate baker
Kneading this tired worn heart
Touched with the magic of yeast
Your heat
Causes this soul to rise
And warmly remember
All the ingredients necessary…
For the recipe of Life
Innocent seeds stored in winter
Slumbering through dark outer storms
Thrown across virgin soil
Spring tears
Demand roots to sprout
And faithfully answer
The call of darkened earth…
For the journey of Growth
Tillers unfold in the golden light
Embracing the warm summer glow
Jolted by evening winds
The force
Stimulates stems to strengthen
And bend to hear
The melody of emerging blossoms…
For the song of Harvest
Two directions of necessary movement
One for growth and the other for grounding
Ripened at the perfect moment
Our union
Makes the purpose clear
And the memories sweeter
The seasons prepared us…
For the dish of Wholeness
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Copyright © September 2003 Dawn Parker
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-10-05 13:56:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54839
What a wonderful love poem. You have harvested it well.
This is beautifully done by using the crops, seasons, and mixing it to
blend wholeness together. I can go line by line, stanza by stanza and you
have carried your thought throughout the piece. How can I make any suggestion
except I want to see more of your poems. Wow...you have captured this reader.
Exceptional. Tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2003-09-22 15:45:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
Dear Dawn:
What a wonderful sustained metaphor throughout this piece. It is a reflective piece,
in free verse form which in my estimation suites it well. In the variable length of
line is space for contemplation. This poem offers sublime food for thought.
Loving hands of a passionate baker
Kneading this tired worn heart
Touched with the magic of yeast
Your heat
Causes this soul to rise
And warmly remember
All the ingredients necessary…
For the recipe of Life
Wonderful assonant sounds in "yeast/heat" and long 'i' sounds in "tired/rise/life."
This has the feel of a prayer of adoration to the "passionate baker" in whose expert
hand we are kneaded. I reveled in the tenderness of these words: "Your heat/
Causes this soul to rise."
I think that the words "baker/kneading/yeast/heat/rise/warmly/ingredients/recipe"
suggest the element of bread - necessary food for life, and necessary holy food
for Life. Bread is often such a powerful symbol for life; hence the "bread of life."
As part of the Christian sacrament, bread represents communion with the divine as
well as with fellow humans. In the Jewish tradition, in the celebration of
Shabbat, a prayer for eating bread is recited over two loaves of challah. There
are many more sacred traditions around this food which unites the human family.
Innocent seeds stored in winter
Slumbering through dark outer storms
Thrown across virgin soil
Spring tears
Demand roots to sprout
And faithfully answer
The call of darkened earth…
For the journey of Growth
Sibilance is apt, and splendid assonance of short 'i' especially in L2 and 4.
Reading these lines, I couldn't help but respond to the soulful metaphor, the
layers of rich meaning. I felt that the "innocent seeds stored in winter"
may suggest individuals in nascent form, pre-existing and "thrown" into
incarnation "across virgin soil." The call of "darkened earth" is alludes
perhaps to the contrast of the spirit versus the earthy. Life is prepared
in this womb-like darkness, and the seeds respond, "faithfully answer"
this call for the "journey of Growth."
Tillers unfold in the golden light
Embracing the warm summer glow
Jolted by evening winds
The force
Stimulates stems to strengthen
And bend to hear
The melody of emerging blossoms…
For the song of Harvest
Ahhh! Who are the Tillers? Poetic imagery is exquisite here, with "golden light"
and "warm summer glow" blending with "melody" and "song." The element of wind
or air may represent thought and intellect, or spirit and the celestial breath
of God. In Hebrew or Arabic, the word for wind also signifies breath and spirit.
A shift in wind may symbolize a shift in consciousness. Here it is a creative
force which "Stimulates stems to strengthen/And bend to hear. In many native
traditions of the world, the wind carries messages from the realm of spirit.
The "emerging blossoms" are singing for the "Harvest."
Two directions of necessary movement
One for growth and the other for grounding
Ripened at the perfect moment
Our union
Makes the purpose clear
And the memories sweeter
The seasons prepared us…
For the dish of Wholeness
"Taste of Life" is rich with allusion and metaphor. We must know the "seasons"
in order to be prepared "for the dish of Wholeness" or holiness. We are gently
prepared by the "baker" and the "tillers" for the "Harvest" and "Wholeness." The
seeds which were "thrown across virgin soil" have matured and endured the seasons
for the purpose of perfect wholeness and reunion. Though our hearts may also be
"tired and worn" this poem is an assurance of ultimate fulfillment - union! The
mysteries are abundant here and I feel this poem within my heart more than I
can comprehend it with my intellect. It is luminous, and magnificently done!
Brava!
All my best,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-09-22 07:18:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55556
Lovely poem filled with thoughts of love and the harvesting of said love......enjoyed the way you take a baker and bring forth the pure elements in making bread perhaps........and life........for to have the gift of love one needs to make sure it is kneaded and formed in right fashion.......a process done well together....nicely structured, good word flow and indeed images are created from the flare of your pen....your closing stanza is superb in that the ingredients choosen have created something good in your union of souls for not only the world to see and feel along with you but to last through eternity. Thank you for posting and sharing this with us...looking forward to more of your work. Be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-09-21 12:39:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Dawn,
I can feel how you mind soar high to create this superb poetic craft! I can imagine how you concretize the Taste of Life here! The taste of life can either be bitter or sweet. And what you have presented is more than the taste of the sweetest sugar in the whole world! One's life would be sweeter and tasty if the desired ingredients are there. The most effective ingredient of course is love! And in this poem, I can sense the ingredient that makes your life tasty. As mine, it is savory as well! And I will continue to savor it with love. I have this sweetie dear, I love her very much!
So much for that! The poem has all the ingredients to savor the readers' taste. The figurative languages are ample. And the words are sweeter than one could imagine. I like the way you started the poem, it's very enticing. You presented the exotic kind of baking with the magic yeast...
Loving hands of a passionate baker
Kneading this tired worn heart
Touched with the magic of yeast
All I could exclaim is "Wow!" The passionate baker is your man who kneads your worn heart into energy! I like it very much! And his touch is like a magic yeast with its warmth to rise your soul into gaeity!
Then after putting the ingredients or the key elements for the seed to grow, the second stanza details the planting of the seed and the growth process. Because there is warmth the seed in the virgin soil begins to sprout.
Just a little comment on this one:
Spring tears
Demand roots to sprout ---I am thinking of stating this line with "Demands the roots to sprout". so that the imperative is clear like the spring is commanding and demanding the root to sprout. Well, this is only a trivial comment to consider.
The force
Stimulates stems to strengthen ---the sibilant sound of 's' adds the wonderful effect!
And bend to hear
The melody of emerging blossoms... ---the alliteration of 'm' here is also remarkably wonderful!
For the song of Harvest
I really salute to the way crafted this one. Beginning with the Recipe of life to the journey of growth, then to the song of Harvest and finally to make a dish of Wholeness! So wonderfully crafted!
I love to see more of this, Dawn.
Best wishes, Jordan.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terrye Godown On Date: 2003-09-19 20:23:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
This metaphoric delight propels you into the spiritual dimension.. each stanza projects the intrinsics of emotional awareness. Although it's figurative depth is hard to discern for me in certain parts, I gather that you offer this earthy perspective for analogy of how love and understanding grows and matures, as the "storms", rain "sping tears", the 'jolt of evening winds" and the stimulating "force" of the seasons prepares the gound for rebirth. This is a wonderful parallel to how the soul endures through life's similar forces, yet somehow heals and evolves to love again and again, etc.
Using the element of reflection: "causes this soul to rise and warmly remember"; and "makes the purpose clear and the memories sweeter", in the first and last stanzas subtly lead the reader to presume that there is a deeper level of experience expressed within the lines. Perhaps that of someone who has recently reunited with a loved one, or is stepping into a new relationship with someone who has touched her soul in a remarkably new way. I like the obliqueness of this one. You share enough to evoke the reader's curiosity and tantalize their natural quest for poetic understanding. Uncovering the hidden meanings behind works of this nature tests the reader's discernment, while maintaining a safe distance for the writer to express her personal inspiration behind it.
I like the ending "The seasons prepared us - for the dish of wholeness", and the presumed analogy of the seasoning of souls, who have grown to realize and appreciate a more holistic form of love.
Beautiful and eloquent!
CHeerz,
T
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-09-19 15:06:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.26667
I can read this poem several ways. It can be seen as the development of two people through the trial of life that then come together in a deep and mature relationship. It can be read as the developement of a single person's relationship with themself, which matures over the years and under self scrutiny.
The metaphores of nature in this poem are wonderfully put together, as the title gives us taste, and the dish of life is grown through the seasons of our lives. The imagery is excellent, the poem flows smoothly and it seems obvious to me that a great deal of work has gone into the crafting of this piece. The power of the movement grows through the poem in the use of imagery.
"The dish of wholeness", whether it is a joining of a soul with the Creator, the joining of two humans in a relationship, of the final understanding, merging of the individual parts of one person, is very special to me as a person and a reader. I don't see how it could have been done better. I do have one question. My mind is telling me that this is one of the lesser used fixed forms, but as my workbook is at my workplace, I can't name the form or check it. Am I correct in thinking this?
Thank you for a really good piece of writing. It was a privilege to read this and see how you put it together. I hope I have the gift of reading more of your work,
Rene Fraley
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