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This Poem was Submitted By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-02-01 12:56:47 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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haikuhaiku

counting on fingers fingers and toes minus three do this first for me

Additional Notes:
I began writing this after reading Erzahl's latest japanese verse. I quickly realized that every time I read one of these, I was counting on my fingers, like an accountant who has to be sure the poet has not violated the terms of a unwritten contract. It's sort of ridiculous, and after I mis-counted somehow one of his earlier works, I found out how hard he indeed works on these, and there is NO WAY he would post something without the correct number. My wife has not the benefit of reading that, and so when she read it beside me, she started to do the same thing! That's why I wrote this, to poke fun at myself, and other readers who might be counting out the syllables right now...

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-02-27 20:13:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.11111
Regis, well I must confess to counting as well. This as has been pointed out quite a bit about other japaneses verse posted on the link recently is a senryu rather than a haiku but it works what ever you call it. I like the counting on fingers it brings to mind many images first of children counting their math problems then poets of all ages counting syllables. I like this thank you for sharing. Sandra

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-02-26 12:40:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Cute, though a little stretch to be called haiku, I think. It is not seasonal, related to nature only obliquely through the human factor, and doesn't really indicate a moment captured. Like I said, cute and that was evidently its intent with the fun-poking footnote. No pun intended. Don't despair, I'll read more of your poetry, Reeg. Best of everything. wl

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-02-22 14:53:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Dear Reeg, Yes, I find myself counting fingers to see if they were the right count! Now that Erzahl has so transformed my way of thinking of haiku, I long to write some that are as beautiful as his. No way that will happen, but sometimes I will be thinking of something and will automatically start counting on my fingers to see if it follows haiku format! Anyway, I liked your haiku, you summed it all up so well in the allotted amount of syllables! Thanks for sharing, Sherri S

This Poem was Critiqued By: Michael J. Cluff On Date: 2004-02-15 14:35:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
You capture the "haikuist's" dilemma here in a witty and inviting way. The title has a sly, playful feel to it that is ingratiating. The use of rhyme, although not classical format, adds to the playfulness of the work and elevates it to a higher level of meaning and depth in that the theme seems to decalre iteslf here as being a comment on the demands of the form may cause one to become overwhelmed in the act of composing a haiku yet the wonder and joy of creating a piece from such a limiting form can be invigorating and full of joy. The use of "f" alliteration works quite nicely and gives/adds a great sonic feel to the piece. The wittiness and implications found in the second line are very nicely done/veiled as well.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Carolyn Minsker On Date: 2004-02-14 07:20:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Dear REEG! (howdydo) I've read Erzahl for so long now that I take the count for granted, and always fail to mention it in my little kisses (critiques) sent for his work. Then I click the Submit button and notice that everyone else has congratulated him on it! Great chuckle, (and perfect count). love, Carolyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Robin Ann Crandell On Date: 2004-02-09 12:48:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Regis, This poem is cute. I too count like you, however, I am not really sure about haiku or how to read it. I think it goes something like 5-7-5, but I got that information from Claire's critique of your "Dueling Elbows" I will start to study haiku if you are going to start writing it. Then, I could give you a honest critique. Thank you for sharing. Robin.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie L Fischer On Date: 2004-02-05 21:20:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Regis, I laughed as I read this for I too have found myself doing the exact same thing, in others haiku's (except for Erzahl's :)) and any attempt of my own. I suspect the majority is with us on that and I, fingers and toes minus three, find yours to follow the rules and bring the bonus of a smile. Thank you. Deb:)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-02-05 08:32:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh Regis is this not adorable? I am counting as I read and is that not the first thing we do when we find a Haiku.....the 5-7-5 count........having to use fingers and toes of course .thanks for posting and sharing this with us......has put a smile on my face. Be safe, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-02-02 00:44:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Regis--Once again you've posted an excellent senryu, which is very similar to haiku. The main different is haiku is themed in nature and the senryu is everything else with a humorous slant. Thanks for sharing your effort with fellow TPLers. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-02-01 21:26:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Regis, "haikuhaiku" --- Your playfulness reflects within you title here! I'm glad you are enjoying the beauty of this formatted poetry. I'm glad you were challenged by its constrains. I didn't know how much people are influenced and affected by my haikus, that even your feet plays a part in counting. :) This is a funny funny read. "fingers and toes minus three" - I assume you counted and added a sum of 10 then minus three to total of 7. I enjoyed the rhyming of the second and third line "three" and "me". Yeah, this form is quite hard but enjoyable. I'm glad you are enjoying this with your wife! :) Thanks for sharing this! Keep them coming! As always, Erzahl :)

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