This Poem was Submitted By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-02-20 11:58:12 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The Elms of St Peter
1-
A City Man drives up –
He’s hardy - gets out
Moves toward the browning one
Standing patiently in the front yard
Her sisters line up along
The boulevard to watch him sniff her airs
Watch him spray her with his paint -
Death etched into her skin
It tickles and it tingles
The soft breeze lifts her sneeze
Down the block the girls wait their turns
While their silk stockings whisper
Pick me! Pick me!
As he leaves
Theirs rustle a
Goodbye!
2-
His red lights at the corner said it;
His climb into the city truck;
The pain in his gait from there;
Red-ringed bark,
that shaking part;
to his whispering in her ear.
Circling her trunk twice.
Squeaking brakes announced him.
A white van “City of St. Peter”
The wind in her brown
leaves.
I saw through her eyes
Through her tears of years
Of private shading
Of never bending
Of never ending
An ever-lasting-ness -
Have you ever
Heard a tree wail?
3-
screaming
sawdust
massive black hole
hot sun
bright room
neighbor’s broken window
a missing tooth
4-
all the leaves are gone and the sky is blue
5-
one fall day she came
her digging man did dig
she into that hole dropped
slim maple roots in burlap
water runs around awhile
then away with him she goes
i name her mabel sit
with her and teach her
how to say dutch elm
but she stops to think
when i remind her that
her neighbors are elms
that she knew she says
will they wonder why
she asks then i ask
you think they all know
she says yes i said
i think they do too
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Copyright © February 2004 Thomas Edward Wright
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-03-07 13:20:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hi Poet......I am sure I read this more then once and have critiqued it as well.....this does not give reference to a re write for it stands so well on its own merits....good structure, nice word flow, and I do believe I mentioned in my last review how it brought forth memories of my youth, Elm trees lining certain streets within the city I lived and the disease known as Dutch Elm.......honestly poet I have no clue as to why this is back on my list of poems to critique but it is, and once more you did a fine job....thanks for posting, sharing and for caring......be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-03-06 23:34:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I have no way to critique this astonishing poem now that time's running out (thanks to the crash). But it is another reason I think your work is brilliant and deserves to be collected and published very, very soon (please tell me it will be!).
The tree-personality is so beautifully drawn and the speaker shows such empathy. The echo of "California Dreamin' " (4.) was unexpected and poignant.
We have lost so many elms over the past couple of decades. I gather that it's happened everywhere. The "browning one" may be replaced by an anxious maple but the others are too terribly aware of their own possible fates.
Oh geez, this is SO good!!
Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-02-25 13:13:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Have you ever heard a tree wail? Interesting throw of question!
This gives me a goosebumps! I am bold anyway!
Tom, this one is another fine work. You have submitted three fine
pieces so fat this month. You're such a prolific and fine poet!
There is profundity in this theme you have. Spiritual connotation, yes,
deeply.
The influx of your ideas just flow nicely along the concrete linguistics.
There is action and thrill that gives impulsive response to this reader.
"Death etched into her skin
It tickles and it tingles
The soft breeze lifts her sneeze" --- exquisite language. done figuratively.
allits of 't' and the sibilance create a wonderful soundtrack. And there are
more adornment throughout.
Thanks for sharing, Tom. Can't wait to see your name in the winner's list.
Among the three I've critique, let me read them several times to finally have a choice.
Peace,
Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-02-22 17:25:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.80000
Ver-r-ry interesting with its [almost]conceit and nearly metaphysical content. Some might suggest this to also be an example of personification. If so, it would be a very good one. I enjoyed this demise and reincarnation [almost] of the elm tree. Keep up the excellent work.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-02-21 15:12:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
Tom:
From the POV of the tree, your poem gives me new, inquiring insights
into the potential awareness of living things. Original, unsentimental,
sentient. I believe "St Peter" must be 'St Paul' as in MSP. You may feel
about as friendly toward that acronym as I do toward "Seattle-Tacoma."
After I read this several times, I realized I couldn't comment line-by-line
as I do sometimes. I think the poem must be read as a whole. That said, S2
was particularly plangent for this reader:
His red lights at the corner said it;
His climb into the city truck;
The pain in his gait from there;
Red-ringed bark,
that shaking part;
to his whispering in her ear.
Circling her trunk twice.
Squeaking brakes announced him.
A white van “City of St. Peter”
The wind in her brown
leaves.
The personification "works" - and some other allusions - "red lights" and "his whispering
in her ear" - evoke a similar-seeming attitude towards females who work in "red light"
districts and are regarded as less than human by some. In the poem, the trees are regarded
as less than living. "The wind in her brown/leaves" is especially poignant.
I saw through her eyes
Through her tears of years
Of private shading
Of never bending
Of never ending
An ever-lasting-ness -
Have you ever
Heard a tree wail?
Well - in a sense - as a personal aside - I have imagined that I have. It is the reason
that a 200+ foot tall fir stands to the side of our home - this tree has been nicknamed,
"The Tree of Death." We are having the tree looked at by tree specialists, though I
dread learning that it may need to come down. It has an immense arm that stretches
out horizontally - and would have been ideal in the Old West for hangings, if anyone
could have built a scaffold high enough to have reached it.
We live where we live because it is next to a protected wetland and county park
with trees which cannot be chopped down. The tall, heavy trees emit a kind of
brooding presence, and were heard to scream following an ice storm several
years ago, when the branches were too heavy to sustain the weight of the ice.
There would be screeching sounds, and then loud snaps and crashes.
Thank you for this important poem! On my list it goes! Kudos!
All my best,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-02-20 12:10:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
[I think they do too]
all the leaves are gone and the sky is blue
yes... but there will be more sisters rustling some day - if we just
keep hoping and planting...i guesss.....
marvelous piece, tomtom
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