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Mis I try to be understood out of order I try to stay in this silent hood as I cross the border I try to understand difficult when wielding sword wrapped in a headband it's more than I can afford I try to get out from under impossible, I am floored meanwhile is rent asunder reason before me gored at times I feel like thunder to reach across what I have stored what I touch I plunder signed in digital record after all I forget forever and remember today I forgot to shoot and yet I miss anyway |
Additional Notes:
This is about being on the fence about things. Specifically, it's about spirituality and how I and we (you and me both, I see you) kneel at the altar, but do not volunteer to be crucified, and yet succeed in another way. I think Jesus and those like him were/was/is great because he was at least honest and not lazy about it.
All of that sentiment really came out more during the writing of this explanation than it did during the writing. It's my interpretation of my work now a week or so removed from it. I am not sure why the Jesus reference, really, but there it is. What do you think?
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-03-30 18:50:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Reeg:
Another complex poem from your mind/hand meant to tax brains, precipitate thinking,
and deliver a message. That message is my interpretation...your notes give notions
of your intent but while I clearly see the spirituality herein, I would not have
related it to Jesus nor the crucifiction.
However, that is an apposite theme for the Lenten season.
Your title intrigues...for me, "mis" is a negative prefix, usually connoting not.
Out of curiosity, I consulted my unabridged and found it also means: 'dried dung.'
The format you utilize for your poem is also interesting: rhymed, sans punctuation,
unforced meter until the last stanza.
"I try to be understood
out of order
I try to stay in this silent hood
as I cross the border."
There are so many nice turns of phrases, double meanings, and plays on words. For example,
"out of order" may mean 'for the purpose of order' but it is a phrase most commonly used
to convey 'disorder.'
Then there is "silent hood". As the speaker is crossing a border, is he wearing a hood
for disguise or does he refer to his brotherhood?
I find this extremely clever, Reeg.
Your second stanza tells us that the speaker strives to understand just as he strives
to be understood. His comment is that it is an onerous task to try to comprehend matters
when one is "weilding a sword", literally or figuratively. Great point. Cogitation does
not emanate from warring.
Stanza 3 is my favorite with some of the neatest lines I've read.
"I try to get out from under
impossible, I am floored
meanwhile is rent asunder
reason before me gored."
While speaker tries to get out from impossible's hold, the interim is torn apart, and
reason speared. Exquisite linguistic display.
S4 gives more of speaker's attempts to span his accumulation and "feeling like thunder"
in the process. Speker acknowledges his powerful touch.
"after all I forget forever
and remember today
I forgot to shoot
and yet I miss
anyway."
I smile at the audacious intelligence that produced those lines. Quite a wonderful ending,
reminiscent of the title. You capture a universal feeling in those end words: I forgot to shoot
and still missed.
If this is all about fence-straddling, I must read up on the subject. I certainly see the dichotomy
between what speaker wants and what occurs instead. For me, it is a message about the quandary
of life itself and how difficult it is to navigate the waters of the times in which we live.
I further find this an accomplished piece of writing and want to steal some of your lines!
(But I won't).
Kudos and congratulations for this rare art work.
Best ever,
Mell