This Poem was Submitted By: Emma Quinn On Date: 2004-03-15 19:45:34 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Funeral

A jubilation of relations hums round the house, thumbs busy with beads, with bread, with bones, runs off to the store for more ice, more food, more beer, reveals secret skins of stories pressed into tiny layers of secrets, celebrates a life, mourns a death with orange surprizes and flowers.

Copyright © March 2004 Emma Quinn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-04-05 21:39:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Emma--I've been looking at funeral for several days--read and re-read and must comment. I love your first line that sort of co-tangles with Funeral: jubilation--and then you go from there being very busy and I almost feel like I'm there--of course, we always need more food, more beer, more ice==more...more...more... to complete the tradition. It's a wonderful tradiation and you have caught it here--plus lots more between the line that I see. Your line "reveals secret skins of stories leaves me watching for what I may have missed--not sure--it's very poetic and tells us stories do indeed have skins which is an interesting concept--but that's why we love to read poetry. Ah, there's the word "celebrates" so we know there is jubilation and celebration in this very short poem--which is well done--BUT......But....the spelling of surprizes surprises me most--and is very appropriate there--orange surprizes and flowers! What a wonderful ending. All in eleven short lines. What a good job you have done! I thoroughly "got the picture"! My Best, Marcia McCaslin

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-03-31 14:37:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25806
Just about right. A death arrives, bringing in all the old skeletons. quite nicely done, Ms. Quinn (a great surname, too). tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-03-25 01:31:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.39024
Indeed a celebration of life and a mourning of the passing.......Good structure, easy word flow which to me brings forth what just took place within my home though it was not a funeral of sorts but a vigil with mom......you see my mom, at age, 92, decided the Lord was taking too long to take her home so she decided she might give him a hand at it. She stopped eating and drinking and then she suffered a stroke. She could no longer speak English and tell us for two days a thing other then jibber. We kept mom at home as this was her wish .......thus a vigil began. Hospice was to be arranged but when intake was to be taken mom was already close to death's door as they say your mom is in God's waiting room. mom made her arrangements years ago and is to be cremated with no calling hours. Anyone who wanted to see mom could come before her passing and thus the lines of relatives and friends began to pass through my front door......how loved mom was and it showed from Friday night until her passing on Tuesday evening. The hugs, the laughter and the tears mixed well together.....the rosary was taken out and said by those in attendance at that time....the ice mixed more with water and soda and friends brought in food to share with family and other friends. So you see poet you have captured not only a funeral but the vigil prior to.....secret skins of stories....even at her age there were a few stories told ......mom lived a good life, she showed us that there was no fear in death and her passing from this life into the next was just a puff of air escaping from her lips. Thanks for posting, be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-03-17 23:05:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Emma: Welcome to the website! I am delighted to find your poem and have a chance to comment. Your 'voice' is very musical and even though the poem's title would tend to predict a gloomy sort of work - quite the opposite is true! I also imagine that that is the point. How happy we are to be among the living, how celebratory our gatherings to commemorate the departed. What a fortuitous find this evening. A jubilation of relations -- I was caught here with the glories of these sounds hums round the house, thumbs busy with beads, with bread, with bones, I suppose I won't be able to find a way to express how much I appreciate this poem without rambling on. "jubilation of relations" is so incredibly lyrical - and then, the juxtaposition of "hums/thumbs" and "busy/beads/bones." Hmm - a layering - "bones" suggest ancestral, burial, skeletal remains, as well as the kind left from devouring chicken wings. "beads" seems an allusion to rosary beads - and yet - I can't help but picture jewelry - especially amber beads. The triplicate plosive b's at the beginnings and silently in "thumbs" almost seem to signal a brimming aliveness, like bees. Or Mary Oliver's "sweet-hungry ants" - at least to this imaginative reader. When I find a poem like this one (which isn't too often, outside of a bookstore or library) it stirs up all kinds of other remembered poems and experiences. runs off to the store for more ice, more food, more beer, reveals secret skins of stories (there is a heady deliciousness to "secret skins") pressed into tiny layers of secrets, celebrates a life, mourns a death with orange (surprises) and flowers. The internal rhyme of "store/more" and the repetition of "secret/secrets" and the slant-rhyme of "pressed/death" are an example of parts, which, when taken together equal a surprising, refreshingly original reading experience. The underlying sense of mystery, overlaid with business and the good cheer of a family picnic make me want to find out more, read much more of your writing. Brava! Warmly, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-03-16 15:08:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.37500
Emma--An excellent and unique look at what seems a traditiional sad event. I personally veiw your "Funeral" with mixed feelings: on one hand I see it as the loss of a loved one, friend, relative or spouse; on the other, the deceased/departed is perhaps going to a better place or at least a place of respite; an end to suffering if in an abusive or terminal medical situation. The speakers use of allits (busy/beads/bread/bones; secret skins of stories) and upbeat descriptors (jubilation/hums/celebrates life/orange surprizes and flowers) creates vivid imagery as well as produce rhythmic tone for this short tight piece. Thanks for sharing your effort. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-03-16 12:37:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.65854
Emma, a truly interesting and intriguing compilation of images at the "funeral", from the lighter side at the beginning to the "secrets" and "mourn"ing at/near the climax. The fullness of the central portion all linking the "jubilation" with plural verbs down to the last climactic prepositional phrase of the last line reveals a surprising amount of talent and wit. I thought I caught a misspelling to complain about, but NO! "surprizes" is fine, only a secondary one. You tried to catch us, huh? Maybe it is from another dialect/country? It certainly is no big thing, anyway. I enjoyed it,a dn could find no way to improve. Write on. :-) wl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-03-16 08:43:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Welcome, Emma! What a wonderful "orange surprise" to find this rich talent right here on the Link. This poem is a flowing tapestry of sound and sense - with the hand of an accomplished writer in every phrase: Funeral A jubilation of relations Wonderful collective word which captures exactly this gathering hums round the house, perfect verb and interanl rhyme! thumbs busy with beads, [-with] bread, [-with] bones, [ah, bones, yes - bones] runs off to the store for more ice, [more food, more beer, [great collection of necessities] reveals secret skins of stories [ah...skins of stories is marvelous] pressed into tiny layers of secrets,[is there a way to avoid repeting the word "secret?"] celebrates a life,[too ordinary a phrase for this extraordinary piece] mourns a death with orange surprizes and flowers. [love this ending which engages our senses.] What a marvelous accomplished work - I am so looking forward to seeing more! Best Rachel ------------------------------------------------------------------------
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L. West On Date: 2004-03-15 20:51:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Emma, You have painted a very clear picture of what happens when families get together on such solemn occasions. It is true that all are present to mourn, but as with any reunion, there are new stories to tell and memories to share. You have captured that mood very effectively. The only suggestion I would make is to try to find another word for one of the "secrets" that you used. I really like the alliteration of "secret skins of stories". Maybe it could just read: reveals secret skins of stories pressed into tiny layers, celebrates a life, mourns a death with orange surpri(s)es and flowers. Just a thought. At any rate, I really enjoyed this piece. Blessings, Sherri
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