This Poem was Submitted By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-05-01 17:28:50 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Almost Prose (leaning)

walking along, I feel myself leaning to one side one side glad, the other sad like years ago when I rode across North Dakota going slowly mad as that cross wind was blasting across the uncovered earth for miles and ages save for a rounded mound of hay siting upright in the fields like silent sages who endure this every lonely day elements and events anoint and while even now I walk in a straight line like this same road I am still leaning and I don't know why but I know those hay mounds can see my point we all have our appointment also it's hard to notice that this crookedness until I see someone like you walking upright, with their weight firmly on both feet not wearing out only one shoe like I do and the animals I see, the cats who tolerate me, meowing their greetings when I arrive home at night, sore from a day full of leaning to that.one.side. in my chair, and I wonder what they do to stay so upright like they do like you... and still that strong wind blows until I move myself behind these trees with their shade spread out in all directions like a natural gymnast so slow and the grass beside standing in their chlorophyll pride while I fill up inside thinking about what force cut them down and forced them into that shape and then left them alone there like I was once and the animals didn't pay any mind to this problem of mine but then again they always let me know they were there not so different than me, but standing upright what a sight so now I am leaning against the walls at work and play seeking then flexibility and strength that will allow me to stay this way

Copyright © May 2004 Regis L Chapman

Additional Notes:
I am not sure where this one came from. It was very spontaneous, so I'm sorry if it doesn't feel that well thought out.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2004-06-04 21:04:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
Hi Regis, I really like this one! there's something about the flow of the poem, the ease of movement from one association to another, that keeps the reader's interet. The images are really excellent, easy to picture, easy to hear, feel and identify with as one reads. There is a constant feeling of motion forward , (like rolling down the road)as one reads which, of course, suits the poem's theme etc. I enjoy the structure of the line, as it's not boring, and I particularly like this because it's easy for me to understand. I thought that perhaps where you say, like I was once" It might work better if you say "as" instead "like" as you said like 8 lines above. That's all that really hit my ear. Take care and thanks for this one. i did identify in many ways... Rene


This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Anne Korb On Date: 2004-05-27 13:35:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Regis...I'm kind of new to this critiquing stuff and this poem is full of descriptions....things I can visualize..but I think it feels very disconnected to me. I see the "hay mounds" standing upright and trees in their "chlorophyll pride"...both excellent descriptions...like mountains immovable, rigid, prideful... You lose me when you refer to your problem and leaning at work...and I question if you want to continue to lean "seeking the flexibility and strength that will allow me to stay this way"...or if you envy the trees and the haystacks their ability to stand upright. I love that you can make the reader visualize what you do, but I don't hear the rythm..though I know it probably is that as a poet, one often hears a rhythm that others don't immediately. Keep writing..I found the poem interesting.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-05-14 16:56:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Hi Regis, I understand totally when you said you don't know where this one came from...I do that..in fact I just did (not posted yet) Sometimes I can feel the urge to write and I just begin to do that and the piece seems to write itself. Perhaps only poets do this and the rest of the world just shakes their heads and wonders why. I really got 'into' this writing, have read it twice and liked it even better the second time. It is thoughtful, profound, and appears to be written without effort as none of the thoughts or phrases are forced. It is easy for me to imagine you putting your thoughts into written words. 'cross wind blasting across the uncovered earth'...great imagery here, I have seen this so many times in my life when tromping the hills with my husband, especially on a treeless plain....mounds of hay upright like silent sages...love this...I am still leaning and I don't know why'...perhaps just leaning into the wind or leaning because some of life's lessons are so hard to endure standing upright....hard to notice crookedness until I see someone like you walking upright...not wearing out one shoe like I do...I can't make up my mind if this statement is a metaphor or maybe a physical handicap...or even an emotional limping that is struggling to right itself...Oh dear I am getting too deep into your words and trying to dissect them...sorry...come home at night sore from a day of leaning...now I am so curious...so now I am leaning against the walls at work and play. You have done a supberb job of writing, but I do feel some pathos which only intensifies the words. Great job! Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-05-08 20:45:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Reeg, it matters not from whence it came, it is very effective with its excellent imagery, its similes, and all the other tools you have injected into this. I breezed right along until the next to last line, and that for some reason caused me to hesitate, simply because of the word "then". It didn't seem to fit the flow. Wouldn't it work better to place "then" before "seeking"? Not another thing seemed out of sync. I loved the "hay"-"sages" simile. You mis-spelled "sitting" in that part. Also, the use of the periods for hesitation in "that.one.side. in my chair," segment was excellent and very effective. Thanks for posting this extemporaneous work. :>) Best wishes. wrl I wonder, is this due to a physical handicap, injury, or abnormality of the subject, if I might be so bold? Or, is this metaphor for the struggles and cross-currents we all face as we proceed - or is it both, maybe?
This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-05-08 20:44:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Actually, Regis, I think it came from a strong truth--as strong as that North Dakota wind you remember. It reads easily and kept up my interest all the way. I couldn't help but think of John Wayne as you were lamenting your "leaning self"--you remember how distinctive his walk us--always like he was leaning into some prairie wind. Maybe just like you. You've managed some great internal rhymes and an easy-rolling feel to the whole piece: glad/sad/ mad--I like the "mad" the most because it makes that long-ago trip really believable--puts me there. "rounded mound"--you need another 't' is sitting. (s)ilent (s)ages (e)ndure (e)very (e)lements (e)vents----I see....who tolerate me. You seem to have included everything that's important in your life, a little of the past, a little of the present, a little philosophy and "thinking out loud"---and a real sense of self-acceptance at end--a sort of so-what--here I am. I'm wondering about your next to last line: seeking "then" flexibility and strength ...did you mean seeking "the". When I type, I have a heavy "k" finger so lots of words have a k somewhere in them. One little side-note about this piece, which I thoroughly enjoyed, is why not just call it Leaning. I remember someone mentioning about prose last month-- but they mention it to me too, and it doesn't seem to make much difference in the feeling that comes across. Let me know what you think. Best, Marcia
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-05-06 19:10:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Reeg, Excited to read your poetry again! Almost prose? Yep, looking at the format itself. And the title Leaning makes me remember the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Just a thought. I just remember my Physics days that it was our point of discussion. Anyway, your poem is comprehensive so you don't have to worry about it's spontaneouity or whatsoever. I understand the situation in your life that makes you lean always at one side. Everyone is not excempted with problem (leaning on the sad side) but one should always remember that leaning on the glad side is not meaningful without leaning on the sad side. I was thinking on how it feels to ride across North Dakota. My coming to the US is yet a dream for me. Sooner or later, I would see my self roaming around the States of the US. Just a thought. "ages save for a rounded mound of hay siting upright in the fields like silent sages who endure this every lonely day elements" I like the inclusion of the simile. It makes a concrete view to let the reader experience the situation reading the poem. I'm sure that these times were the times that you pondered about your life, I mean, noticing and questioning what's going on to your life back then. You even give a point on your experience noticing the cat that meows but tolerate you when you arrive home. A common scenario but could creat a deep discussion. Yep, we are higher form of animals that we see the problems going aroun us unlike the animals that are heedless about it. Your ideas here are greatly appreciated. It has an application towards man's life. Indeed, there is spontaneouity in the influx of your ideas but of course they are sensible. Thanks for sharing, Reeg. Looking forward to reading more of your coming submissions this month. Jordan
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