This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-05-19 23:52:32 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © May 2004 Erzahl Leo M. Espino
japanese verse 48 (Worms)
Handpicked by humans
Wedded to embracing hooks
Kissed by the fishes
This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-07-06 00:53:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
This one made me smile and reminded me of my young days of fishing. I liked worms better then fish eggs. Thanks for letting me know the order of your posting of these. You should make a daily calendar and sell it.
Thank you for all the information you gave me in your reply to my review. I'm learning that everyone has a different view.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-05-31 22:42:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
What a wonderful haiku about an absolutely disgusting subject. I hate the feel of
worms, slimy and I hated baiting my own hook when I had to go fishing with my first
husband. Ick...but lovely poem just the same.
Another gem, as usual.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-05-30 19:01:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.73077
Erzahl, I did not know it was possible to make worms appear to be romantic but wedded and kissed and the tone of your poem has done that. You have really captured the essence of fishing here. Great job. Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-05-22 10:59:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.32258
I was looking for a reference to the Diet at ...
Luther would have had no chance here
But would have understood the delicate balance.
Humans, hooks, fishes. Biological connections.
The history of man in 17 syllables.
Like cicadas. Seventeen years.
A prime number. Treasure it.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-05-21 05:03:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
I love this! You know why? I once experience fishing at the lake
(in our province we call this body of water as "danao")
and I personally handpicked worm to put it in the hook with no sense of fear. Hehe!
Your lines are but lovely:
"Wedded to embracing hooks
Kissed by the fishes"
This made me chortle! Wedded to embracing hooks!
If I were the worm, I would say, "You are so bad!" Just kidding!
"Kissed by the fishes" --- what a description! Hehe!
Thanks, thanks, thanks! I enjoyed the read and the scene!
More, Erzahl, more!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-05-20 12:23:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Marvelous, Ezahal! Irony shines in every line from "handpicked" in the first, "wedded"
in the second and "kissed" in the last. It also suggests,as any good senryu does,
rootedness in world of humanity and its relationships.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-05-20 09:07:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76923
Erzahl--This nonliteral Japanese verse is in a 5-7-5 format (as per your usual vein). Great
combination of metaphors and personifications create satitical and vivid imagery of fishing
worms fate. I pesrsonally haven't been fishing in years, but do remember 'handpicking' those
worms,'threading' them onto the hooks and placing them into position to be kissed' by the
Though nature themed, the piece also has a humorous slant. Thanks for sharing this entertaining
and nostalgic look back on, what was for me, a pleasant pasttime. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-05-20 07:22:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
I like the tension and mood you created here with the passive voice/past tense. It's already happening, has already happened and can't be stopped. Worms just have this fate and there is no way around it. A bit moribund but true to the image you are creating with this haiku. I like all the 'h' sounds in your consonants. The vowel sounds transition between the strong 'a' of the first line, the 'e' sound in the second line, and the 'i' sound in the final line. This suggests a cry of anguish upon the part of the worms as they are caught baited and hooked for the fishes. A nice twist with the idea of romantic passion (fishes kissing the worms) versus physical passion (satisfying the hunger, the belly of the fishes). These are closely related enough that transposing them makes for an interesting ending to your fine poem.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I quite enjoyed it.
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