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This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy Anne Korb On Date: 2004-05-26 14:06:44 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Seedlings

Lifetime seeds dwell in children's dreams Giving rhyme and reason to secret schemes. Dreams have endings that never were Peace and wonder, lackluster blur. Wand'ring the tunnel straight back into time Seeking the love they never could find. Cradle of chaos, tumultuous womb Create in children the need to wound. Healing appears in fog laden swirls Dance cross an abyss with no wings they hurl. Sweet golden kisses, just beyond space, While new born pain falls from heaven's own place.

Additional Notes:
I submitted this poem to poetry.com, but I didn't relinquish my copyright and I don't think it qualifies for publication on that website, unless I pay for it. I really want to know if I have any real talent as a poet. I have three or four other poems on there as well, under this name and a pseudonym, Aurora Desiree' Rose.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-06-03 22:22:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61111
Nancy Anne--In my humble opinion, you definitely have the talent. It's easy to discern you have the desire. Having a passion for something is 9/10ths of it, you know. You display the passion and the love for words. You use interesting metaphors, poetic language, and good alliteration (Crade/chaos/create/children), good sense of rhythm and rhyme. AND, you are definitely among friends on The Poetic Link. You keep writing--I'll keep reading. Marcia

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-05-27 07:08:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.47500
Hi Nancy Anne- I think many of us started on that road, and quickly, or not so, realized what was up over there. Are you getting mailings yet? You will. Run. ... A little about TPL-land: Hopefully you will get an analysis from some of the really good critiquers here, and they can tell you what they honestly feel about your piece. You should know, however, that most everyone here is too nice, and would never say anything if they thought the piece was junk. So silence is (sometimes) not so golden. Or, it is golden, but it's not what you expected/wanted/hoped...to hear. If you are patient and not too critical, you will enjoy working with this us, a group of internet poets with nothing better to do than sit around reading verse. (I'm dead meat! :) ) If you are expecting "help" with your writing, I think you must be patient and persistent. We are more a sounding board (sounding bored?) than a workshop. The work comes from you. We play with the balls you throw us. Sometimes we throw something back. Sometimes we don't, and you need to understand that. There are some really talented people here, and I think reading their work is the most valuable thing to an emerging talent. That's what I've come to believe after 2 years. I think I'm better not because of what someone told me to do, but because I've read and read good poetry and have become more critical about what I say, how I say it, etc. blah, blah... ... To your poem: I think you've got real talent. You've pieced together some nice imagery and wrapped it with a nice title. Your metre is somewhat forced and stilted in spots, but I think that's always the case with a rhyme scheme, because when I read what you wrote it doesn't ever sound like you (the author) heard it in your mind. I wish that we had a way to record ourselves reading the pieces aloud. It would change "what" and "the way" we "publish." Cradle of chaos, tumultuous womb Create in children the need to wound The idea you're proposing here, that pain and suffering are based in womb-terror seems a bit of a stretch to me, but perhaps I am taking the "tumultuous womb" too literally. Healing appears in fog laden swirls [should this be "fog-laden"??] Dance cross an abyss with no wings they hurl. [ " 'cross " contraction of " across " ?] Sweet golden kisses, just beyond space, While new born pain falls from heaven's own place. [unsure of meaning here] Have you wandered away from your seedlings metaphor? I lost you in this last stanza. Good poetry always seems to be self-referrential and wrapped up very tightly, like a nut. I feel there are some good ideas floating around here, but they are not knit together to make this a nut I can crack. Looking forward to reading your future work. tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-05-26 21:08:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Re: "Seedlings" My Dear Nancy: Please take me very seriously when I tell you that you most certainly do have talent as a poet. Having made that initial point, please do not be at all taken aback when I add that I truly believe almost everyone does. You see, writing (including poetry) is a craft, and a craft is a learned skill. Just as you are training to become a nurse. [I see in your biography.] Do you have the talent to become an nurse. Well, you are jolly-well getting it, are you not? Poetry is just the same, my dear. Also, you mentioned that you are rather shy. Now, here's something that could be significant. For shy people, I do believe, have a matching sensitivity. A sensitive person approaching poetry brings with them a personality trait that fits the art. For warmth of heart, depth of feeling, are qualities that I believe you will find in every successful poet. I see that you have chosen three stanzas of four lines each to be the structure of your poem. It's a good choice. Your rhyme pattern is: aabb. Your word choice in selecting he last word of each line is quite good, Nancy. It indicates a good ear and that's important in poetry. Here is an example of what I mean: " ...beyond space ... /...heaven's own place." Do you have any real talent as a poet? Absolutely, you do milady. Moreover, you have stumbled upon an excellent web site to hone your skills. There are many published poets here at TPL, who you may learn from, my dear, just as I have myself have learned and continue to do so. In the meantime, I'm privileged to welcome you to TPL, Nancy. The place where you can learn much from what others write. A fellow poet, Lennard McIntosh

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-05-26 20:32:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76471
Hi Nancy, I am so glad you chose TPL to post your poem...and yes I believe you have talent! The theme you use here is quite clever...comparing seedlings to children...'giving rhyme and reason'....cradle of chaos, tumultuous womb...good line...healing appears in fog laden swirls...dance across abyss with no wings they hurl sweet golden kisses just beyond space'...just a few of the lines I think are exceptional. As with any craft the more you write poetry and the more you read it the better you become. When I joined this site I deffinetly needed to learn even tho I had written poetry most of my life off and on. The poets on this site, many of which are supurb, are always willing to help the newbies. I too posted some poems on 'poetry.com' but unless you buy their books your work is not posted so I would steer away from that site...just a suggestion for you to use or lose. This poem could be tightened up a bit but it is a good read and one which I enjoyed very much. Bravo on this piece and I hope to read more from you in the future. Blessings...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-05-26 18:55:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.41667
Dear Nancy "Aurora" Korb, I would say you have a definite talent for poetry. The rhythm speaks for itself, and your imagery and message are well expressed. There is some nice use of assonance and alliteration. I do think some of the rhymes appear just a wee bit forced, but that is overcome with time and patience. Please let us see more. I would suggest caution as to your other site that you mentioned. I have heard a few rumors, and actually participated there some. It is, if not totally, at least partially a scam, in my opinion. I really believe you will enjoy the input from this site much more after "meeting some of the talented and knowledgeable poets here. Only a suggestion, but give it a fair shot. Best wishes - and, peace. wrl

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