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This Poem was Submitted By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-06-08 22:08:05 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Tree Forting

Morning frost lifts off the ground where steps draw me to the field’s edge, the treeline borders blanketed by branch arms spired against the dawn sky. I clamber up walnut and oak all morning feeling twice my height with the earth below, just out of reach. The sun is at sky summit when the cool grass reaches up to embrace the weight of my limbs sprawling through current and air, a kiss the sun leaves on my cheeks. Soon my son will scramble up tree trunks crouching in notched valleys searching for places to build castles and boyish dreams far too idyllic for this earth. Surely he will feel the weight of the sky pressing each of us against the earth, as if gravity wasn’t enough to remind us we weren’t meant to fly. For now I have nights of holding his small frame in my arms, rocking him to sleep, wondering what dreams hold him fast to this world, keeping him from leaping back up in the dust of sky where he came like a glimpse inside heaven.

Additional Notes:
This poem was written while my son was very young, newborn, and after inspiration struck one night, I penned this after rocking him to sleep. A simple act which reflected back to my own childhood. Enjoy.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-07-07 23:39:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.33333
Don, Again, thanks for the notes. This is a soft, little poem written by thoughts sprung from a tender occasion. I thought the conclusion was powerful, with your son's arrival expressed in terms of the Second Coming (to me, anyway). I remember looking at my 3rd son just after he was born, just out of the operating room, and having a sudden impulse to call him David because he was a king/messiah/prophet to me at that moment - but we named him Daniel, not too shabby neither. So the poem brought the ole tears of that moment back. Or, more accurately, the notes did. Which, let me say again, i love the way you set up the poems for us in the notes. Did I mention that? :) Thanks. Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-07-03 14:24:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96296
Dear Don: This is probably my favorite of your works though it is very difficult to choose. I am struck by the vividness of your imagery, by your ability to transmit an experience to the reader, evoking one's own memories with the corresponding emotions -- yet with a strikingly fresh view of something not seen before. That is a rare ability, I believe, found in the work of the finest poets. Morning frost lifts off the ground where steps draw me to the field’s edge, the treeline borders blanketed by branch arms spired against the dawn sky. I clamber up walnut and oak all morning feeling twice my height with the earth below, just out of reach. The sun is at sky summit when the cool grass reaches up to embrace the weight of my limbs sprawling through current and air, a kiss the sun leaves on my cheeks. There is such a profound quietness to this work, a sense of all things made new which communicates to the reader. I love the phrase "frost lifts off" with its soft fricatives continued in "field's/feeling." Even the grass contributes to a sense of tender support in this work, reachin up "to embrace" the weight of speaker's "limbs" -- suggesting both legs and arms as well as tree limbs. Soon my son will scramble up tree trunks crouching in notched valleys searching for places to build castles and boyish dreams far too idyllic for this earth. Surely he will feel the weight of the sky pressing each of us against the earth, as if gravity wasn’t enough to remind us we weren’t meant to fly. Your poems have the amazing ability to seize the reader and make us locate ourselves in time and space. We don't take "gravity" for granted, after reading one of your fine works, but sense it truly as a force, and feel "the weight of the sky" - heaven? Your "pressing each of us against earth" suggests a mother pressing an infant to her breast, at least to this reader. For now I have nights of holding his small frame in my arms, rocking him to sleep, wondering what dreams hold him fast to this world, keeping him from leaping --superb rhyme sounds back up in the dust of sky where he came like a glimpse inside heaven. Oh, the preciousness of these fleeting years. And how you cherish them and allow us to remember such similar years (or be infused with wonder at this experiece if it is yet-to-come). The final line 'undoes' me, for in it you capture that knowledge that our children are lent to us by heaven, offering us a small "glimpse inside" it. The phrase "dust of sky" is incredible - suggesting the dust from which we are fashioned, mixed with the heavenly element. Just wonderful in every way possible, Don. This poem elicits a wealth of feelings for me - some of them sad, but no less cherished. Many thanks for this profoundly moving, gracious reverie. Kudos! All my best, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-06-22 08:52:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 5.00000
Beautifully expressed poet.......the joyful ventures of our youth and how quickly they go as we grow into adult life yet when we are blessed by the Lord to have and hold children of our own these dreams, hopes and ventures continue on....love the way it is written with images carrying the reader along with the writer....memories of days gone by fill ones heart and tugs at one's soul as well for those that did not have the oppportunity to climb those trees and form those dreams had other avenues to walk through..... A kiss the sun leaves on my cheek reminds me of the time I laid dying and felt the breath of God as He kissed my cheek.....different yet the same for He is always there with us.......thanks for posting and sharing. Be safe and God Bless, Claire I am certain your son will enjoy this creation.....

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-06-19 19:55:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.35000
Ah yes, Don, the sweet memories of childhood - and, child rearing - and, dreams of the future so very near us as we speed through youth to adulthood. Nice, tender and image-filled read. The extended form of the lines works well in this type of genre, IMO. Thanks for the memories! for I used to love to climb trees - still do, but I am very cautious now, at 66. ;>) Nice strong closing. Best wishes. wrl

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-06-16 15:14:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Tree Forting Interesting title – I enjoy the form of word “forting” although I am afraid that the associations with that word set me off on another, more malodorous trail Morning frost lifts off the ground where steps [ I am led To am moved to think “steppes” –here – that is just me – but that is the kind of associative leap that good poetry always arouses. do the field’s edge, the treeline borders blanketed by branch arms really nice enjambment! spired against the dawn sky. I clamber up walnut and oak all morning feeling twice my height with the earth below, just out of reach. As the narrator might have done when a child – and for the same reasons a child does it – that kind of empowerment - delicious! The sun is at sky summit when the cool grass reaches up to embrace the weight of my limbs sprawling through current and air, a kiss the sun leaves on my cheeks. The syntax is a little odd there and I cannot quite track the geneses of the amazing action in the last phrase - Soon my son will scramble up tree trunks crouching in notched valleys searching for places to build castles and boyish dreams Valleys are searching? - or the boy is – or both? far too idyllic for this earth. Surely he will feel the weight of the sky pressing each of us against the earth, as if gravity[won’t be?} enough to remind us we weren’t meant to fly. For now I have nights of holding his small frame in my arms, rocking him to sleep, wondering what dreams hold him fast to this world, keeping him from leaping back up in the dust of sky where he came like a glimpse inside heaven. Lovely ending to a remarkable piece. What a leap of bravery it is to think to allow and even encourage tree climbing when the metaphoric “dust of the sky” was such a recent venue and one is in the presence of a tender baby.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-06-13 18:31:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Don: Quite clever the title although I've not heard it before, I knew immediately what you meant. Put boys and trees together and they will erect forts against the foe. (I was quite the tree child myself when young). You've contrived some grand lines herein, you have metaphor, alliteration, assonance, etc, etc. However, once more, your format drives me off the page which is where my printer took it. I assume the couplet and tercet are favored by the poet but one cannot help but wonder how this would look in, say, tetrameter. It would tighten the piece and I think you want it big and sprawling like your fields, valleys, trees, etc. Couplet one is lovely with the rime and the steps to the treeline "borders blanketed by branch arms." Simply exquisite alliteration to paint the picture as you segue to stanza 2...tree arms spired against the dawn sky. Whoa!! I got ahead of myself, Don. When I find an appealing poem, it's as if I launch into orbit. Congratulations for last month's win. I told you I was smitten with it, printed and carried it with me. I still do. I regret I lacked the stamina to comment on several poems. Back to our forting: "I clamber up walnut and oak all morning feeling twice my height with the earth below, *just out of reach.* Then at noon, cool grasses reach to embracethe speaker's limbs and the sun leaves a kiss on the poet's cheek. You limn this so deftly, I see the wind thru the high grasses, the child running from tree to tree, and if we could but one minute be in this young man's mind! Then you smoothly move the reader with you as you imagine how it will be for your son. The phrase most appealing to me: "boyish dreams far too idyllic for this earth." Closely followed by the theme of the poem and its epiphany: "he will feel the weight of the sky pressing each of us against the earth, as if gravity wasn't enough to remind us we weren't meant to fly." Outstanding! and sets up your closing. I note you use "earth" twice in Stanza 5 and did not know if deliberate. A miniscule point, anyway. The very lovely musing: "what dreams hold him fast to this world, keeping him from leaping back up in the dust of sky where he came like a glimpse inside heaven." That last line resonates like a tuning fork and is as close to perfection as it gets. Oh, that wonderful feeling when you (any poet) know you nailed it, that it is quintessential to the poem. This poem reminds me ofone of the masters but I can't get it. You have lovely, lyrical Frostisms but without his bleakness or noir tone. I have been rumbling thru some of my books but it eludes me. All I can say is this is the simplistic creating the spectacular and I greatly enjoyed the read. Another winner! Best wishes, Mell

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-06-09 11:26:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
I read "Tree Farting" and then the Scheffer poem came to mind and ... So, anyway, on to fOrt Tree: Morning frost lifts off [the ground???] where steps draw [me to?] the field’s edge, the tree line border[] blanketed by branch arms spired against the dawn sky. I clamber up walnut and oak all morning feeling twice my height with [] earth below, just out of reach. The sun summits when the cool grass reaches up to embrace the weight of my limbs sprawling through current and air, a kiss [she] leaves on my cheek[]. Soon my son will scramble up [] trunks, crouch[] in notched valleys, search[] for places to build castles and boyish dreams far too idyllic for this earth. Surely he will feel the weight of the sky pressing each of us against the earth, as if gravity wasn’t enough to remind us we weren’t meant to fly. For now I have nights of holding his small frame in my arms, rocking him to sleep, wondering what dreams hold him fast to this world, keeping him from leaping back up in the dust of sky where he came like a glimpse inside heaven. Those are my humbly submitted misappropriations, tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-06-09 09:04:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Don, First and foremost, congratulations to your May winning! I’m glad you came to our TPL family and grace us with your unselfish talent of careful critiques and outstanding entries. And again, I have found one in your submission here “Tree Forting”. You have mixed your appreciation of nature and life and family in this simple but striking piece. It is so evident in your lyrical words. “Morning frost lifts off the ground where steps draw me to the field’s edge, the treeline borders blanketed by branch arms” --- Great intro, great imageries! I enjoyed the alliteration “B” in the second line. It is so contagious! “spired against the dawn sky. I clamber up walnut and oak all morning feeling twice my height with the earth below, just out of reach. The sun is at sky summit when the cool” --- I like how you use the word “clamber up” instead of the overused “climbed up”. I find it fitting! --- Just amazing! “twice my height”, “earth below”, “out of reach”, “sky summit” – nice choice of words! Generally, I enjoyed the “father-and-son” relationship message of this poem. The line “searching for places to build castles and boyish dreams far too idyllic for this earth.” is soul-reaching! “Surely he will feel the weight of the sky pressing each of us against the earth, as if gravity wasn’t enough to remind us we weren’t meant to fly.” --- Magnificent! Unforgettable choice of words! The harsh reality of your words is a truth we all know…yet for me, I find it a challenge, hence an inspiration to all. “For now I have nights of holding his small frame in my arms, rocking him to sleep, wondering what dreams hold him fast to this world, keeping him from leaping” --- I can feel the closeness of your words here – the endearing feelings and heart of a “real” father. Your spirit radiates in this line. “back up in the dust of sky where he came like a glimpse inside heaven.” --- Wow, what an ending! You combined profundity of life and beauty of a panoramic view with ease and perfection. You have captured my senses and appreciation with a superb poetry. Your words speak in abundance! They are inescapable! Thank you again Don, for this wonderful read! I respect your views about fatherhood and dreams! Your words are an inspiration! Kudos! For me, this is a winner! As always, Erzahl :)

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