This Poem was Submitted By: Carolyn Gale McGovern-Bowen On Date: 2004-06-15 02:15:41 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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♥ Moon Dance ♥

Twilight awakening, Piercing translucent glow, So serene. Steadfast companion, Keeper of secret dreams, Comforting mystic light. Ancient seductress, Silent siren’s song, Tending troubled souls. Flawless compass, Skirting gathering clouds, Trusty meandering course. Ageless embrace, Mute illumined grace, Everlastingly sublime. Cyclic nocturnal dance, Cosmic rhythms ever bound, Fulfillment absolute. ---C.G. McGovern-Bowen Westlake Village, June 2004 ©Carolyn Gale McGovern-Bowen 2004. All rights reserved.

Copyright © June 2004 Carolyn Gale McGovern-Bowen

This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2004-07-07 15:26:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.35714
Dear Carolyn; Loved your treatment of the moon as a smooth dancing partner... an ancient seductress, flawless compass, ageless embrace everlastingly sublime... What I really like most about this work, is that you took the age old Moon... the hero of love stories as a catalyst for romance....and transformed it into a decidedly feminine partner...dancing its circular nocturnal way till morning... quite new, unique and fulfilling... enjoyed this work tremendously.. Thank you for submitting it to TPL Best always, Gerard

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-06-30 17:35:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.37500
Gale, Lots of words there. Clustered. More of a grape poem, than a moondance. Interesting thing at the end, and at the beginning - the quoting of yourself as if the poem itself were but an epigraph, and the heart thing in the beginning. And, as i said, the grapes in the middle. Hmmm. Hearts, Moonlight, grapes, epigraph. I'm thinking Westlake Village is a Greek cemetery. I don't think that was intended. But . . . who knows? Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-06-29 15:21:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.90000
I can almost see myself lying out on the grass, gazing up at the moon, and feeling all these feelings about her and thinking all these thoughts. The only place where I really tripped was the two lines that rhymed. “Ageless embrace, Mute illumined grace,” You hadn’t done any rhyming in the rest of the poem, so having these two words rhyme felt funny. They changed the flow of the poem for me. I really enjoyed the images and feelings your poem conveyed about the moon. This poem reminds me that it has been too long since I went outside, lay in the grass and just looked at the moon for a while. I miss doing that. Maybe I'll have to sneak outside some night, soon. Thank you for sharing this poem, Karen Ann Jacobs aka Kay-Ren
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-06-16 22:12:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Re: "¢¾ Moon Dance ¢¾" Can the magic of the moon ever run dry in the hearts of man and woman? How could that ever be with even one romantic walking the earth? The three line stanzas carry the message well, and intensity of diction is outstanding. Good effort, writer. A fellow poet, Len McIntosh
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-06-16 13:43:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Welcome to TPL. You have submitted a couple very nice pieces. In this you use a style very similar to the haiku for your stanza form. Very concise imagery, and a provocative read. A very apt description of that image so many fall in love with, and under. Steadfast companion, Keeper of secret dreams, Comforting mystic light. - [Excellent c alliteration, ee assonance in L2] Flawless compass, Skirting gathering clouds, - [a lot of ing's. I might use "gathered clouds", it retains alliteration, too.] Trusty meandering course. The next to last stanza is truly a beauty. I might suggest a little change in the last one. The 2nd line seems kind of harsh at its end. I like the "cosmic rhythms" though. One word can sometimes make a world of difference. Just a very minor suggestion. Again welcome, and thanks for posting this nice piece of work. Peace. wrl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Edwin John Krizek On Date: 2004-06-15 19:08:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Carolyn, Great images. I think you've said some new things about the moon. I particularly liked the opening lines of each stanza and especially the line "Keeper of secret dreams." Ed Krizek
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