This Poem was Submitted By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2004-07-08 09:49:27 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Atelier Prayer humbly I ask my muse and guides
for life-like fluttering image word paint
gushing colors flooded allegory bright
awakening lifeless page to elaborate light
pictorial pastel healing wash for splintered life
assuage memory jabber of the inner child
phrasing efficacious assurance it's okay to cry
strongly ply sparkling élan vital metaphors
slather emotional crimson shades and mental tones
cascading pandemic hues that dip and dive
over canvassed conglomeration of feelings we hide
overlaying stylized allusion's of childhood hopes and dreams
photo-montage payola of watercolor peccant scenes
feather on gold and silver elegant wishes
to be personified by shaded palette knife strokes
turning anger colorless in rhyme and assonance
short butter soft tinted stippled impressions
dab long pattern karmic lifetime fears away
so spirit child sees through transparent paradox
finally peerlessly free to precious BE
thickly blended squiggled lines and dimensional shapes
slung to cover four-corner combat verb collage
day-glow pellucid portraits drip and run
royal opulent visions and alliteration
stanzas splashed indelible just for fun
polychromatic unconditional love scribed verses
splatters of joyous imaginative adjectives
radiant pliable glittering glissando globs
white light alphabetic creative flow
focus lens of quartz crystal clean and clear
intuition captures every artist's frustrated tear
balance polished punctuation tactile spectrum tablet
figurative pulsing atelier perspicuity
spreading inked cadence for sparkling soul to sense
old powerful fresco diction stresses close
tightly enjambed and endstopped sealed
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Copyright © July 2004 Jana Buck Hanks
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-08-01 21:42:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Jana,
I think there was an earlier version of this one posted many moons ago (?). It's a stunning poem, so rich in layers of imagery. Lack of punctuation gives it a "tumbling" effect as if the brush strokes are all blended together, but yet the whole is readily discerned.
You also aren't afraid to use elevated language if the sound suits the intent. "Transparent paradox" is one example. Visual details are vivid and imaginative. Sonic elements, such as alliteration, are subtly used to enhance the theme itself.
No apostrophe needed in "allusions", but otherwise, I can find little to nitpick. The poem has an ethereal effect, as the speaker seeks to be released from her karmic burden by means of artistic creation. Anyhow, I think it's a strong, brave piece. I'm not up to critiquing much right now owing to personal circumstances, but this spectacular poem deserves a line-by-line response.
Take Care,
Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-07-25 17:37:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jana:
Is this a revision of an earlier work? If not, I am experiencing deja vu! I've 'been
here' before, and loved it then as much as I do now. Which is saying a lot. If you
only knew how many times I read your poems - and many times run out of time or
energy to critique! I wish there were a counter on each poem, which would show
how many reader 'hits' there are. On another website, there is just such a feature.
I've had several (maybe dozens) of 'hits' and only two or three comments sometimes.
This is a rich poem - so rich that it is like a word banquet, like reading Nabokov
or Proust. But it's Jana, and your "fresco diction" is like no other. It has your
signature energy and verve, and makes me want to go out and create something --
like sidewalk art, or read at a poetry slam (which I've never had the nerve to
do) or make some bold statement -- like your "spreading inked cadence" just to
show that I have been here. The final line is my absolute favorite, and I don't
see how it could possibly be improved upon. I read somewhere that to have
written one good line of poetry is worth gold. I think you have many of those
here, but your finale, your "tightly enjambed and endstopped sealed" is
platinum, titanium, ruby-throated hummingbird, 'spiral galaxy' GOOD! I can't
stop here, though. Here are some of the more fabulous 'outtakes':
"pictorial pastel healing wash for splintered life" --the therapeutic value
"slather emotional crimson shades and mental tones" --sublime
"cascading pandemic hues that dip and dive" --wonderful verbs!
"photo-montage payola of watercolor peccant scenes" -- simply, Wow!
"feather on gold and silver elegant wishes" --wondrous
"short butter soft tinted stippled impressions" --wish I had written that ;)
"dab long pattern karmic lifetime fears away
so spirit child sees through transparent paradox --these three lines are the 'soul' I see in this poem
finally peerlessly free to precious BE"
"thickly blended squiggled lines and dimensional shapes" --only you
"slung to cover four-corner combat verb collage"
"day-glow pellucid portraits" drip and run" --I love this, too
"polychromatic unconditional love scribed verses" -- yumm!
splatters of joyous imaginative adjectives
radiant pliable glittering glissando globs---LOVE this!!!
white light alphabetic creative flow
focus lens of quartz crystal clean and clear
intuition captures every artist's frustrated tear
balance polished punctuation tactile spectrum tablet --ooh, it's like watching fireworks
figurative pulsing atelier perspicuity
spreading inked cadence for sparkling soul to sense
old powerful fresco diction stresses close
tightly enjambed and endstopped sealed
I ran out of words. You've written them all here - everything I might want to
say about this poem you have written IN it. What a joyous romp, what a creative
nova-blast. This one has GOT to place in the Winner's List. Congratulations in
advance, to one of my favorite writers.
Glowing in the radiance of your poetics,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-07-18 10:14:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jana - what a fascinating piece to read. I suggest all who read this to read it aloud - several times - to hear and see the canvas you have painted with your poetry. It is thought-provoking, tantalizing, spectacularly visual. The amount of alliteration you have spead from your palette astounds the senses of this old poet. It seems to me that you had an abundance of enjoyment just writing something like this. It rings out with the "fun" of S4. At first read, I was going to blunder into suggesting some hyphenation in a few places where I thought there were compound words that needed it. On 2nd, 3rd etc. reads, I discovered that these could be read, with ease, in a different and slower pace with no need for the hyphenation. Super job. Write on, and - I'll read on. :>) Regards. wrl
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-07-17 17:10:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Well you certainly have outdone yourself. This is totally wonderful imagery thrown in with
wonderful descriptive tones, colours, etc. You have almost out done yourself. If you had trouble with
your muse, I certainly don't think it's there now. Keep it up. Loved it. Nice beginning and a
great close.
This Poem was Critiqued By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-07-10 12:31:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jana,
I can clearly see you with a canvas and easel slathering these delicious words of poetry across the page. Wonderful and sustained images and diction which carry the reader all the way through this decadent piece. What a wonderful exercise in fun and the use of writing to layer and slather it on! I can see big gooey globs of "paint" making this a poem you not only read but one you touch and feel as well.
An enjoyable read. Thank you very much for sharing it with us. Warm regards,
Don
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