Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2004-08-04 17:47:09 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

The Counsel Of The Trees

With moonlight bright and twinkling so while spilling shadowed trees below the valley stretched in silhouette and visions formed from long ago among the laden trees. The shadows rose as moonlight passed and told of stories, drawn from the past in soft sweet whispers, voices danced they spoke in rustled rumbles low their hosts the evergreens. Across this frigid open book the winds with words did lay an ancient text, embossed in snow with visions of a different day. Ah!... such sweet dreams in lullabies did play. But in this vision filled with light had anyone, witnessed the sight or heard the wisdom spoke that night among the counsel trees?

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-09-01 11:22:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
With moonlight bright and twinkling so while spilling shadowed trees below [nice alliteration] the valley stretched in silhouette and visions formed from long ago among the laden trees. [good strong adjective] Really interesting and lyrical poem filled with bright images and fresh language as it engages our senses. The shadows rose as moonlight passed and told of stories, drawn from the past I like the rhythm of this poem and the jolt of the interesting slant rhymes of past/passed/danced in soft sweet whispers, voices danced they spoke in rustled rumbles low their hosts the evergreens [the personification of the trees as “hosts is fascinating] nice assonance and alliteration here and throughout this piece Across this frigid open book the winds with words did [“place” instead of “lay” would give you more assonance with “ancient”] an ancient text, embossed in snow with visions of a different day.[lovely] Ah!... such sweet dreams in lullabies did play. But in this vision filled with light had anyone, witnessed the sight or heard the wisdom [“spoken” or if that is a beat too long perhaps “shared?” ] that night among the counsel trees? “The council trees” is a marvelous phrase. This poem is a treat for the senses as well as the intellect. Thank you Nancy

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-08-27 20:45:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Nancy, an intriguing poem indeed. Very good meter, rhyme patterns, alliteration et al. I enjoyed it immensely, so thanks for sharing it with us. I question a couple things, and wonder if a change might be needed. I see commas in some stanzas, not others. I think there might be a need to add just a few here and there to help the reader determine just where the pauses should be - because, as I read it, there appeared to be options available [esp. in S2] that made it a little confusing. If read with pauses where you have commas, it seemed "out-of-sync" to me. My suggestions are only that - suggestions for consideration. With moonlight bright and twinkling so while spilling shadowed trees below[,] the valley stretched in silhouette and visions formed from long ago among the laden trees. The shadows rose as moonlight passed and told [of] stories[,] drawn from the past - [these might not be needed?] in soft sweet whispers, voices danced - [semi-colon, instead of comma? or at end of line maybe?] they spoke in rustled rumbles low[,] their hosts the evergreens. Across this frigid open book the winds with words did lay an ancient text, embossed in snow with visions of a different day. Ah!... such sweet dreams in lullabies did play. But in this vision filled with light[,] - [add this one?] had anyone[,] witnessed the sight - [and delete this one?] or heard the wisdom spoke that night - [maybe "spoken"?] among the counsel trees? Sorry for my apparent confusion, but maybe it is just me? :>\ I did enjoy the read, in spite of the confused [for me] pauses. The story is an excellent one, and the imagery and the use of other poetic tools is very nicely done. Simply identify the pauses a little more clearly, and I think it will truly shine. Just my humble opinion. Thanks for sharing, and write on - please. wrl

This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-08-27 10:57:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.17857
This sounds reminiscent of Wordworth, One of my favorite poets, my favorite lines are: The shadows rose as moonlight passed and told of stories, drawn from the past in soft sweet whispers, voices danced they spoke in rustled rumbles low their hosts the evergreens. Thanks for letting me read it

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2004-08-25 13:07:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Nancy! This poem is so soft, so flowing, so beautiful. The images you paint surround my soul and I feel blessed in the witness of trees. Your rhyme is easy, not forced and the diction is elegant. I am so happy to have found this piece on my list to critique. It is hard to pick out one line, one stanza as the one I like best, it is like diasecting a classic. But I am partial to: Across this frigid open book the winds with words did lay an ancient text, embossed in snow with visions of a different day. Thanks so much for sharing this poem. Bright Blessings Jana

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-08-18 18:00:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.20000
Re: "The Counsel Of The Trees" This is a very enjoyable read with which, among other poetic devices, the writer has peppered alliteration. EG.spilling/shadowed, stretched/silhouette, soft/sweet, rustled/rumbles, etc. Moreover, the counselling of the trees must surely be a paradigm of pure poetry. This is excellent work. Len McIntosh

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-08-16 17:17:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Nancy, I don't believe I have had the opportunity to critique your work and if I have it was a long time ago. I am thrilled that I found this paticular piece as writing about nature and it's wonders is a passion of mine. I love the soft and musical rhyming you have used as it is very effective when speaking of trees. Trees sway as if put to music, winds dance and shadows mute, which are lovely things to write about. I have read this several times and wanted to tell you my favorite phrases but alas...I can't say I have a favorite! I wish I were talented enough to set this to music as I know it would be a beautiful lullaby. The notion that the wise trees(they have seen hundereds of years pass) holding a counsel is just brilliant! Technically I would say this is perfect but then I mostly critique with my emotions and how a piece effects me..as I think that is what the poet is most likely to want. However, many poets here do an excellent job when is come to the mechanics of a poem...it would be my guess that no one has tinkered with this one! Thanks for putting me in an easy and relaxed mood with your talented pen. Blessings...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Donna Carter Soles On Date: 2004-08-11 04:13:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hello Nancy, This is such a beautiful and softly spoken poem. I felt so much peace by reading it, and I was like a child (with her mother) as I read this. You made the 'sweet dreams' very clear, and the 'lullabies' were so captivating. Okay...now I've got to cover the 'other' stuff. *smile* You did very well in the first, three stanzas but did not follow through on the fourth. For example; there are five lines per stanza (with the very small exception of the third), and then you nailed it down to four lines and changed the rhyme scheme. You gave this poem a very good start, as it is quite lovely. You just seemed to let it go on the fourth stanza. I would not try and rhyme 'passed' and 'past' together; how about this: 'The shadows rose as moonlight [cast] [the olden] stories, drawn from the past' I also noticed you are light on the punctuation. This is fine, but a little more would not have hurt it. This poem flunctuates a bit, but it is sooo soothing. I would have appreciated a bit more work in the last stanza, and a little more explanation on 'the trees' -- you don't need to give it all away. *smile* Overall, this is a lovely piece! Regards, Donna

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-08-04 19:29:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh Nancy this lovely, and melodic, it literally sings as spoken, bringing a vison of all contained. I'm enjust plain in awe as it captures a feel, almost sung really, it's great, and I kid you not. Of course being a gut critiquer, I'm fully envolved with the cadence, and I bet many will comment on this is a song, and no the wisdom is contained in every nuance, especially your ability to make it move, it draws a complete picture in the lyrics, and that's what I see in this poem, and I can't even begin to relate it's movement, it's very deep, as deep as the darkened forest. It goes with the flow, it contains a wisdom in the apt, more then apt descriptions. It's been so long since you were last here, and it's a pleasure to read your music again. No kidding, I'm absolutely in love with this poem, and on the list it goes for sure. Wonderful poetry....Best always, Jo Morga

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!