This Poem was Submitted By: Jeff Green On Date: 2004-08-13 15:12:03 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Speed Metal

In the capital of crystal meth pharmacists are up late quickly counting and locking up decongestants so they can beat the traffic streets filled with iron-crossed muscle cars  aluminum wheels lit up racing through desert speedways where they rent the night meanwhile  downtown barricaded troopers sip coffee and wait rubbing lidocaine on flat feet until the morning shift takes over fresh with sleep they’ll reclaim the streets in suspiciously quick crown victorias round up users and their children auction off their cars turn them over  to red ribbon missionaries  who offer religion sleep even their kids back but there is only one god mercury

Copyright © August 2004 Jeff Green

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2004-08-25 10:42:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Jeff! I like the free verse and the subject matter...(my thought)as american as apple pie. With this piece we see the under-trappings of what makes america great, from a street-smart view. I think the diction is excellent, there is a flow to the piece bring it down to the last unexpected line..."but there is only one God..Mercury" and this could be interpered several ways. Thanks for writing this. Bright Blessings Jana

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-08-23 19:47:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
The analogy between speed the drug and the god is well taken. Loved the line about lidocaine and feet. Never thought of doing that in all my years of a nurse. I hope it's not my pharmacist that's cooking up those drugs! Q. about line 7. Should "desert" be "deserted" or did I read that wrong?Thanks so much for posting.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-08-21 17:19:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.50000
I don't know if some of this poem is just getting by me or what, but I found parts a little disjointed. However I liked it quite abit and the line About lidocaine flat feet really got me. Thanks for letting me read
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2004-08-16 11:01:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hey Jeff, Great poem about the real evil....combination of drugs and automobiles. It is clear in your end line of "but there is only one god Mercury" that you feel all of this is about speed...and that is true except in a broader sense it is about Automobiles and preserving them as an economic entity...and serving their creators with our collective wealth. I may be ranting here, sorry... But I really liked your poem...keep writing. Gerard
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-08-15 12:02:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Jeff, I truly enjoyed this, especially during the vivd imagery of the "street scene" and the people who occupy it, night and day. I was somewhat led astray at the end, however. It seemed to lose me in these 2 lines*: to red ribbon missionaries who offer religion sleep* even [] their kids back* - [Is there a word "with" missing?] but there is only one god - [Then I loved the closing couplet, how true it is - to some.] mercury I checked your bio, and now know why I hadn't seen your work here before. I was AWOL from here for several years, including 2003 during which you had posted some other work. Sorry I missed it, but I'll check it out when time allows. Best wishes, and write on. wrl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-08-14 15:42:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Jeff I think its interesting that the cops are using two legal drugs cafeen and lidocain while supposedly protecting the streets from drug dealers while actually hiding behind their own fear. You have a lot working in this poem and you did it without actually preaching just laying out the situation in nice specific concrete images. Nice job. Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-08-14 10:31:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Wow - spectacular ending - the god of "speed" would have to be Mercury. With brilliant ironic asides[rent the night][suspiciously quick crown victorias] [even get their kids back] this poem of social commentary gives lie to the maxim that it is impossible to write a really good social poem because polemics always get in the way.
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