This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy T Bindhammer On Date: 2004-10-08 09:27:05 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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My Children - Lost But Not Forgotten Three lives were born so young and small
I wish I could have touched them all
There was no time
The end came soon
I want to hold them still
Their lives were short
My heart was sad
but I'm glad they touched my life.
Three hearts beat once
Inside they grew
I miss their movements in me too
But not allowed to hold them close
I loved them just the same
Their lives were short
My heart was sad
But I'm glad they touched my life.
Three souls were born
Under sadness
My heart was filled with fear
But in the end
I loved them all
And I'm glad they touched my life.
All though I'm sad
I know they're near
And I'm glad they touched my life
Yes I'm glad they touched my life |
|
Copyright © October 2004 Nancy T Bindhammer
Additional Notes:
Lyrics to a song I wrote in memory of my three children.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2004-10-13 18:19:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.47826
Wow Nancy,
This is quite a sentimental piece, and I hope that singing it makes you feel better. Losing children is such a hard pain to take and move on. I guess you never move on. And to think that you have lost 3. Were they triplets? Or separate occasions. I gathered that they may have been triplets.
I think that you have been very creative here when detailing how the loss has made you feel and putting down your experience on paper. It probably helped to just write these things down. I hope it was therapeutic and healing fof you.
This is why I write, to make sense of life and all the chaos, the unforseen things and the mishaps.
All things in time.
Thanks for sharing, and I'm glad you can be strong enough to write and share this experience with others. Good job.
Latorial
www.latorial.com
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-10-11 13:13:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.68750
Very heart felt poem/song with a nice ending to give it a lift above the sadness, Thanks for letting me read and comment
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-10-09 06:06:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy--This is my first time reviewing your work and such a sad piece. This post
is identified by you as lyrics to a song (which indeed it is and always the writer's
perogative as to what their words are), well, technically it is also an elegy (a poem
of grief or mourning)and lyric poem (a poem expressing a poet's observations/feelings
about personal experiences).
Your plain language lament (starting with the title) has effective rimes (small/all;
sad/glad; three/me; grew/too; fear/near)throughout which along with the refrains of
stanzas #2/4 leaves no doubt as to it's theme/tone. The repeats of lines #8,16,22,25,
and 26 serves to remphasize the emotions of scribe and give the piece it's lyrical fi-
nality/ending.
Only a mother could possibly know, feel and express "...hearts beat..." and "Inside
they grew." What a brave and hopefully cathartic effort. Thanks for sharing this heart-
wrenching tribute with TPL. Hope to view other aspects of your work. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-10-08 19:12:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Nancy:
This is the 1st work I've seen by you but my health precludes my being on site often.
I would like to hear the melody to the song but since what we have are the lyrics, I'll
review it as if it were a "regular" poem.
The topic of your piece, the loss of three babies, is about as sad as it gets.
Your first stanza establishes that they were premature and you longed to hold them
but it was not to be.
You recall how it felt to have them inside while you carried them and they touched your
life. You will never know what they felt until you and your three children meet in
empyrean areas. I wish babies could remember more and for a sufficient amount of timr in
order that we might hear all they experienced with Jesus before they forget it.
The format of your powm looks song-like. You have two tercets, one quatrain, etc and the variation
gives the poem just the right pace and movement.
I like the repetition of "but I'm glad they touched my life."
You mention a range of emotions during this time and your reiteration is effective.
In view of all the sadness, I would like to see "tears" in there anywhere, of sadness, dry-eyed as we have a plethora of the emotion. Perhaps in Stanza5?
I enjoyed your poem ,however sad it was. We can release a lot of emotion in this manner. I think
it is quite cathartic to do so. Keep up the great work!
Best Wishes,
Mell Morris
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-10-08 14:50:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Nancy:
First, my deepest condolences on the loss of your babies. Second, welcome to The Poetic Link.
Third, I wish there were a way to hear your song. It is a song of your heart, one which echoes
in my own. Such sorrow seems deeper than words, but you have given words and music which are
very poignant and stirring. Your gratitude for their short lives is the strongest theme
which runs throughout this piece. Your belief that they are around you is evidence of
a sustaining faith. From personal experience I know that deep faith is the only thing
that sustained me following the loss of one of my children, a young adult at the time.
I can only imagine that it would be still harder to loss three babies, since their lives
had not even begun. But still your poem shows that you are grateful for all you did have
of them -- their movements inside your body, your memories, hopes and dreams of what
might have been. I wish it would have been possible for your to hold these dear little
ones, to touch each one. I believe, along with you, that they are near, and know of
your love, and understand your sadness. I ache for your loss, and simply cannot hold
back the tears.
May God's peace bring you comfort until that day when you are reunited with your children.
All my best,
Joanne
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