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|Poem Title||Poet Name||Critique Given by Latorial D. Faison||Critique Date|
|The World on Fire (Revision)||Mark Steven Scheffer||Now I love this! The entire way through. I found myself, this time, looking for those lines that would be deleted, and I couldn't remember what those sharp turns were, but they are not there, and the poem seems wonderfully and perfectly complete (not that in the opinions of others or even your own that it was not before). This is revision and editing true here. Sometimes we can edit a poem to death, but I think that you make some great choices with this poem. It's one of my favorites here this month. It's just so creative, so poetic, so genius. The poem doesn't display too much word play, but it gives off just enough to say a lot about life and say it one of the most profoundly poetic ways. I wish I had written this poem! It's a great poem. WOW! I'm not sure, but it seems to have come easily to you and for you, and that, my friend, is a true gift. Keep sharing.||2011-11-07 06:34:25|
|I Drift||cheyenne smyth||Cheyenne, What a beautiful testament to God's glory. I kept thinking of the word testimony as I read every stanza of this poem. I love that you traditionally stick to form, and the poem does not come off as quirky or not serious. Sometimes this happens with traditionally formatted poetry, but I like this, and it reads really well. There's a calm assurance that comes across as you read this poem. I think that the title is also testimonial. It's encouragement for readers. The poem possesses and emits a calm, and he stanza gets stronger and stronger yielding a thought and moral compass for the reader to grasp. It's an honesty that appears with each stanza, and I know that's attractive to readers. A sense of calm emanates through the poem, and it's great to read something reassuring like this because we all "drift.". Thanks for sharing. This is important.||2011-11-07 06:28:50|
|Death-is it really final?||Michael Bird||Michael, Truer words have never been spoken (smile). What an interesting poem giving such true thought. I've lost so much, it seems, in the last few years, so I could really internalize this poem. As someone who grew up with a strong sense of and faith in God and someone who has studied pretty much the various types of religions and nonreligious sector, I found the very first stanza of this poem to be very necessary. But what I liked most was that you so poetically accentuate one of the most poignant realities of death. The person never does really leave those left behind. If an individual has lived at all, then he/she has left indelible marks on those continuing the plight of life. The only smaller, perhaps less meaningful, critique that I would make on this poem is how you structure and format the lines. I think that the poem could probably be read and maybe even flow more poetically if you built the reading around the structuring of your lines. Maybe not. I was imagining perhaps if it could be an even greater read if the lines were shorter, and if these words just seemed to fall and drop on the page. Great job Michael! You have written a poem about a great truism. Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed it.||2011-10-21 14:58:12|
|Bending Physics||James C. Horak||James, I particularly like the last two lines of this poem, the way that they read. I like that I didn't have to guess with this poem. I could simply enjoy the way that you chose to poetically tell the story. I like that the lines and stanzas, and the forms of them, seem to shift. I could almost pick up a dialect in the words. I'm not sure if that was your intent, but it certainly goes over well with the location of the subject matter covered here. Your visual cues in the selection are great. I could actually picture the cobblestone, almost imagine the atmosphere, the time of day, etc. Just as clever, I thought, was the title, "Bending Physics." It helps to bring more mystery to what actually takes place in the poem, how it's done so well. Thanks for sharing.||2011-10-18 15:59:39|
|Innocent||cheyenne smyth||Cheyenne, Wow! The very first couple of lines of the poem gave me images of the virginal bed, some young, beautiful, inexperienced, innocence, and the mood and tone are set so well. The poem has a very light and delicate feeling to it. It reads softly because you choose the right words. The very first line /softly innocent/ alludes to what is to come. You drive the poem along and end it with, not a bang, but with a beauty. Love is beautiful and love making is just as beautiful, if not more (smile). I'm not sure if this is what your intent for the end of this poem was, but you paint a picture of this youthful beauty, yet you lead it into love, a lovely experience. So often we here of sex, and the thoughts are distasteful or perverted or bashful, shameful even. I like that you have written about such a private matter in a way that can publicly be adored. All of the words are sensual and sacred. I like it very much. This poem is nice to read as well as internalize. Good job.||2011-10-18 15:53:39|
|Depression||cheyenne smyth||This is a poet's poem most definitely. What is it about us that brings out such depressive moods. Perhaps it's the creativity burning within. This is a piercing poem, and although its subject matter is less than happy, it captures a very important time, a most deserving place to be remembered, and a pain that is quite real for many. I find it therapeutic to not only write about a depressive state but to also read about one. I like how these words flow simply and with brevity. The rhythm of the poem helps to carry the meaning and the words. You can almost get a visual, and you are not afraid. You understand, sympathize, and feel the moment you capture as a writer, and it's a bold moment, a telling one. You use some good words and phrases like cutting deep and shadows dark to set the mood and tone of the poem. You bring the reader into that atmosphere; you give them a surreal glimpse of a sad and painful moment, a place that's very real for many. You give explanation to often what seems unexplainable. I'm sure that many would agree about how well you capture the depths to which one can descend when depression surfaces. Good job.||2011-10-18 01:01:34|
|Frilly Dress||cheyenne smyth||Cheyenne, This is a cute poem (not minimizing it at all). It reminds me of a Virginia Woolf novel for some reason, perhaps the frilly dress makes me think upon flower. I like the poem, but I loved the second stanza most of all. For some reason, the stanzas the precede and follow it don't stand out as much, but that doesn't mean a thing. The first stanza seemed to be more of a presentation and the final one, a verse of reiteration. But I found the 2nd stanza deeply, perhaps sensually moving, and it's no wonder after taking a closer look: /Undulation that bathes in moonlight streams/ . . . (this is a seriously romantically moving line; you set a different tone with this line than the playful lines with which you begin in the first stanza. There's something sultry and seductive and stage setting about this line). /with every string that strums and every song/that sings while lovers swoon in sonnetâ€™s tune, (these two lines are filled with a favorite technique of mine, alliteration. I love the s sounds and how every word comes together to give creedence to the mood that was set in the first line of this stanza). These lines are seductive when you make the reader think on strings that strum and songs that sing or lovers who swoon in sonnet's tune. There's some clever assonance going on in this line too. Your genius as a poetic shine through in this stanza definitely. I would love to have seen this stanza open the poem and end with two stanzas that equal it in mood and meaning. Very nice. she know she lives where all her rhymes belong||2011-10-18 00:49:58|
|If My Body Were an Orchestra||Joanne M Uppendahl||Hi Joanne! Surprise! Yes, it is I (Latorial). I have missed you all. This is an extraordinary poem, and I needed to read it. It's so creative, so clever, so deep, and so refined. It's a picture of a pretty poem, a handsome bunch of words that come together well. It's a well thought out idea of a poem. Either you are brilliant, or you are brilliant. I knew that I was intrigued by the title, but you seem to knock the ball out of the park with every poetic line that you write in this poem. Just when I think you have reached the climax of the poem, you amaze me with another line. You give musical talent and task to the body in a way that is interesting and astonishing. It's like a great piece of music, a nice song, yet a great poem. Thanks for sharing.||2011-10-18 00:29:06|
|Last Dream||Rick Barnes||This is awesome Rick. The words alone are beautiful and poignant and loving. But there's a sort of unforced rhythm that surfaces in this poem. I don't think it's intentional, but it's so very natural . . . and it moves to a lovely beat with every word of this poem. It's as though this poem was meant to be or had to be. This is more than just a love poem. It's the kind of poem that people read, want to read to others and remember forever. Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-10-07 21:52:21|
|With Leaves Stirring||Mell W. Morris||This is some nice word play and wonderful descriptions you have. I think its great when writers can illustrate true beauty through words. I rarely do that. Watching the sun sink in glory is a beautiful thought, and you end the poem with another great thought . . . praising the views of time and place. There's so much true beauty in nature, and you have captured a still shot of a glorious moment, and because you've written it poetically, we can all share. Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-10-07 21:40:47|
|I Think of You||Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.||Medard, I was intrigued by the structure of this poem. how each line of every stanza mirrors every other in line/theme. I guess it's hard not to think on those things that we do out of habit. Addictions are hard to break. Some people think that's too heavy a word to describe a simple like for the drinks or smokes, but I say that anything you can't do without is an addiction brought on by an addictive spirit. What's more profound about this poem is that the speaker apparently is aware of all of the dangers caused by these acts, yet there's no real fear about what could one day be . . . sickness, disease, a wasted life. There was one instance where I would make a change . . . The last glass The last coffin nail (I thought this line could have been the last "puff or smoke" to keep that structure tight) I think this is the most well thought out poem I've read this month. I love to read clever poetry where you automatically no the writer gave the piece a little more thought. I can see how serious of an issue this is, and the words are strong and bold and piercing. It makes readers think of their own plights, their own health, their own lives. Life is what we make it sometimes, and making these kinds of decisions about drinking or smoking could determine how well or how long we live. Thanks for provoking my thoughts and making me think a little more on preserving life. Great poem. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-09 21:31:36|
|How Boring||Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.||Medard, When I read this title, I wasn't sure what would follow, and you take two beautiful, very wonderful turns in this poem. "how boring it must be to be a god." You know . . . I'd never really given it much thought, and after you've mapped out the specifics, I see that you have penned an idea filled with truth. What I loved most is the concept of the little "g," and how you end with the power, significance and importance of the big "G," with the notion that our God is more powerful than any other. Critics and readers could discuss this poem for hours and hours. I like the line where you speak of gods being trapped in this world. All too often men become idol worshippers of everyday things like their homes, cars, clothes, jobs, jewelry, etc., but these are just things. We can't take them with us, and only the real God can get us out of hell. HOW BORING is a great title because it peaked my interest, and I was so enthused in reading and reading the knowledge that you drop in this poem. There is a lot to behold here, and that makes this poem a fabulous write. Thanks for sharing. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-09 21:23:35|
|New Orleans, Long After Katrina||Karen Ann Jacobs||Hi Karen, Thanks for writing this poem. I loved it. Yes, it would be great if we could skip to the end and fast forward to the time when everything and everybody will be right again. What a wonderful thought. You give hope to the entire situation just by penning these words. It's so important for those victimized by Katrina and for all of us to see the light at the end, the hope through the chaos. This is one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life, and I'm glad that people like you will write to document this moment in history. Because years later, readers will want to know . . . I'm glad that you have put a spin on the situation. Like I said, you give me hope. Thanks for sharing, and I look foward to reading more as time allows. You're right. TPL can be addictive, but I love it. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-09 13:35:38|
|Ah, The Blame Game||Kenneth R. Patton||Very, very true Kenneth (smile). I like your poem, and it's really not about blame "now." It's a collective that shares the blame, in my opinion, at various levels of government. I just want this wrong to be righted. We cannot take the hurricane away, but we can reach out to victims with all of our hearts, all of our might and all of our money because they are family, they are citizens, they are Americans. Red, yellow, black or white, in poverty or in wealth, they are Americans. The response time was unacceptable, and I think the world knows that now. Even Jesus rose on the third day . . . for God's sake, what took them so long. That's all everyone wants to know, and when we get the answer to that question, then we'll know who to blame (smlie). Thanks for sharing. I think that we live to write about and provide poetic commentary on our times. This gift of poetry is endless. Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-09 13:31:40|
|Unexpectedly Stone||Joanne M Uppendahl||Joanne, I'd like to think that I know you just a little bit. What you reveal in this poem is what really makes all of us kindred spirits. I think there's a missing zodiac sign to which we writers all really belong. It would be something like "a stone" or a jewel, with many facets, much like what you reveal in this poem. What I sense in these lines is someone who knows that the world and everyone around doesn't have a clue. . . and when I say this, I mean "they don't really know us" just like you say. It amazes me that people, friends and family think they often know what can make us tick, but if they only knew what we felt inside or what we think in our minds. It's scary thinking that we can die, leave this world and no one might ever know the real person inside. This is why I write all that I write. My poetry often borders on the aggressive, angry, social reform type issues, but I love it. I think even my grandma's friends might be embarassed by some of the things I write, but I will not be muzzled because people are not ready to hear the real me. I encourage you to write on if this poem was written from a personal perspective. Get tougher and tougher and more brave in every word and every line. This is a soul stopping poem that will make all of us think about each other as well as ourselves and why it is we really exist in this natural and dying world. There is a reason . . . and it's really not for people to understand us all the time. They didn't and still don't understand Jesus, and He was perfect (smile). Great job Joanne. I hope I've given a little insight to what lies within. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-09 13:15:51|
|Unscheduled return||Mark Andrew Hislop||This is a very interesting poem Mark, and the words that follow the title reveal a remarkable passion, obsession or longing for someone held dear and in high regard, even if it's just for the moment. I like the distinctions that you draw upon with the eyes and the tongue. There's something about the use of the tongue here that brings out a more sensual nature of the words, and it's appropriate because you're speaking of an attraction in an unusual way. I can already taste the dirt was a fabulous and poetic line to end this poem with. Again, you get sassy with the words, and at the same time you make a connection to with what you began this poem with . . . There's nothing like satisfying that other person, and I think this is what this poem is all about. Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-09 00:05:57|
|Our Time||Audrey R Donegan||The end was a sudden change Audrey, but I liked it. All of the things that you have contemplated in this poem are very real, and readers can surely agree with the poetic words that you say. There are so many things to wonder about, and your poem illustrates the sense of an individual wanting to live life freely, but full of integrity and goodwill. Within these lines are words from which we can gather much wisdom. Love is a beautiful sentiment, and I like how you bring everything back to love, and you show us the beauty and contentment of feeling that love in the last stanza. It can mean everything, and it can certainly make us feel complete. This last line could be a twist in that it speaks of a physical embrace by another human lover; however, on a more spiritual note and in keeping with the rest of the poem, the last stanza could be you wrapped in the sweet and safe arms of God. Very well done. Thanks for sharing. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-07 21:03:33|
|Morning Prayer||Joyce P. Hale||Joyce, this is a sincere and touching prayer. It reminds me of all the times I used to sit and listen to my grandmother pray before bedtime or anytime she felt like it really. The words are so personal, and yet it's not a selfish prayer. It's a universal prayer that can be adopted by men, women, boys and girls who are anticipating a closer conversation with the Lord. I like it, and I will say it again as a prayer that I offer up to HIM. It's so fitting that I'm reading this in lieu of all that has happened with the recent hurricane disaster. People need the LORD right now like they need the oxygen He created for us to breathe. I hope most of them know it, and I'm not just talking about the survivors and victims. This entire country is politically and gubernatorially in shambles, morally bankrupt, hypocritical and in need of revival. I hope that this wakes us all up. Your prayer deserves to be shared with all who will listen and agree. Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-07 20:50:32|
|Play For Me||Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.||Medard, I am touched by the honesty and the sincerity of this poem. It could be a poem written to a lover, friend or perhaps even a savior. As a poet, you illustrate the need for a SONG that would be the answer to many of life's problems. The poem speaks as one who is filled to the brim with misery, insanioy and perhaps uncertainty. Each stanza is a plea for this special person to play the song, to live in the soul of the one who speaks, to create and play a melody that shrinks all of the bad things in life. I think it's wonderful that music is equated to peace, salvation and change in the poem. Music can often do that, and when we think of the music that rings in the lives of people's abilities, this poem reaches a higher level. PLAY FOR ME is a great title, and you spend every stanza capitalizing on it with well played out verses that make this poem come alive. You make readers feel what you are writing, and in the end, I can only hope that someone will or has obliged the speaker. Sometimes, it only takes a little music to revive us, and this is the thought your wonderful poem leaves me with. Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-07 00:30:32|
|Your Face||marilyn terwilleger||What a great thing to tell a person Marilyn. I think that our faces is what we all (well at least some of us) wish to leave this kind of impression on our lovers. There's just something about a face. Over time, we etch these in our minds, those of people we adore and love deeply. I like the simplicity of this poem, the brevity of the lines. It ties into the idea that it doesn't take a million words to make a profound and loving statement, something memorable that leaves a big impression. It's sexy as well as intriguing. It's a great love poem that lasts, and you can actually count on the person to whom you give it to remembre it. How lovely. I'd love to write lots of these to my husband. It's short, but it's poetic and sweet enought to last forever. Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-06 21:34:51|
|Green Grass||marilyn terwilleger||I love the exploration of forest, sea, desert and city in this poem Marilyn. You give us nature, and you give us the world. In just about every country, a person could relate to the variety in this poem, and you have captured the essense of each natural habitat and setting so well. The poem becomes so personal as each stanza goes by. As each place has its original and natural beauty, you express the joy in home whatever that may be because HOME is so many things to so many different people. As far as readership is concerned and this poem, HOME could be any one of these stanzas for all of us. I think I'll go with your last one. I'm not big on the forest, the sea or the desert. Just give me the surrounding that I've created and the grass is truly greener. I could relate to the wandering spirit of this poem and the love for a place called home, a love for that place where the grass is really greener, home. Great poem. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-06 21:30:41|
|Retrieval||Jason S. Moore||Jason, The beauty of this poem lies within the carefully carved rhythms, the ebb and flow of each line. You tell a story and do it well within the confines of a perfectly penned poem. Nothing is jagged or forced when it comes to these lines. There are so many elements in this poem that make it a beautiful read. For a while, I thought it was a scene from hell, but as the poem goes on, I see the mystical nature of the story. Great job. Thanks for sharing. It was a poetic and well planned piece. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-05 12:36:23|
|let me hold you||Christina Morrow||Christina, This is a deep, real and inviting poem. Your humanity and love for this person shines through in every line. I like that you invite them to let you in. Often times, that's all that's needed, a simple invitation, but then you go beyond that. You are pleading for this person to allow your help, to let you hold them and carry the burdens. Your words show that you deeply care, and that you are deeply concerned for his/her well being. This poem could be for a lover, family member or a friend I suppose. It's a strong statement of friendship and love, very strong. Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-05 12:32:22|
|Contradictions||Audrey R Donegan||Audrey, You are so right, and this poem rings more true today than the day you wrote it probably. You point to some major concerns, some real issues, the world's contradictions in this poem. Life is often so hard because we have become the biggest hypocrites we'll ever know. After what we're experiencing in the south as our brothers and sisters have been displaced by a natural disaster, it calls everything into question. You probably wrote this poem before last Sunday, but it applies to before and after the storm. Thanks for making us all think about the contradictions that are very present in life and in societies everywhere. Great poem. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-05 12:19:17|
|There's No Place Like...........||Paul R Lindenmeyer||Paul, I found myself feeling as though I was at the game as I read this poem. It was perfectly written. With each line, the momentum was building up and I found myself reading the poem very fast and with vigor as it probably should have been read. How on earth did you do it? (smile). I'm not much of a baseball fan, but my husband is, and I played for my team in highschool. I think you've done a tremendous job with this poem. The wording is so on point and is an additive to the reading of the poem. Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-05 12:15:32|
|I Think I Will||marilyn terwilleger||What a thought Marilyn, and we all think about it. Your poem is the rhetorical question to many different instances in life. It can be the end of relationships or the end of what many of our brothers and sisters are experiencing after that hurricane right now. I love the language of this poem. The words that you have chosen cause the lines to ebb and flow at just the right pace and in just the right fashion. Where do we go when hearts stop and souls escape from pools of blood and flesh? (What really does happen after a certain kind of death, and I say this because death occurs on various levesl from the smallest right down to the end of our lives, and you've asked a question here that still and will always remain.) I have decided I shall go undaunted and undismayed with a sprinkling of outlandish grace. Many of us want to exit with grace, and that means so many different things for different people. Thanks for making me think about it, and I'm sure that other readers will do the same. You have pointed to a real question that is entertained daily by people everywhere. Thanks for sharing. Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-05 12:12:01|
|The Marsh Cat||stephen g skipper||Very nice gesture Stephen. Thoughts are so good to have sometimes. I'm left wondering about the title of this poem, and I'm assuming that there's some sort of imagery that lies therein of which I'm totally unaware, but I can speak to the beauty of this poem and what every line entailed. The strongest point was the interest that this poem illuminates. It is a story of lovers, a man and a woman, and we are tossed in and out of time and in and out of the man's conscious mind. What a lovely thought of love making and forever love. You paint a very real picture that readers can actually imagine as we read each word and every line. Great poem. Thanks for sharing it. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-05 12:07:23|
|Shadow's Last Sigh||marilyn terwilleger||Marilyn, this was a very poetic and filling read. It flowed very well. I always like to see writers bring out the best of nature in poetry. Nature is very poetic, and putting it in words leaves something to cherish. I like the couplet form of the stanzas, and what gives this poem an added flair is the word usage, the aliiteration and the play on sounds and rhythm. It's not a planned rhythm. It just happens at the right moment and at the right time. You have lead us into a poem that gives us a few moments of peace and tranguility, and a quick glimpse of nature. Very good. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-05 12:03:27|
|Through My Dark Crystal||Jana Buck Hanks||Through your dark crystal Jana you have revealed some very real and sad truths in such a poetic manner about the society in which we live each day. I'm glad that I waited to read this poem, because after seeing the pictures painted on tv of the aftermath of our latest natural disaster, this poem is really real and important. Big city excitement's twisted memories retrace caustic slug (I think of New Orleans when I read these first three lines. It was a big city, and it indeed had some very twisted memories. You probably were not writing about the hurricane, but the words you have penned here are more than suitable for this cause.) down narrow-minded alleys, blind to chastity- belt points-of-worldly-view. Future simple minds These last four lines speak of that other world of happenings in New Orleans: the night life of gambling, sex, Mardi Gras and the mere excitement of it all. rotted away by faith choked by poisonous primrose paths trailing This is a very strong stanza/ rotted by faith and choked by poisonous paths. I like the alliteration and assonance that rings through in these lines. The poetic flow is definitely alive here. worthless infested decisions. (I think of politicians make decisions that benefit no one else but themselves) doors to man's inhumanity to self and to the world. (and you speak to us all and of us all in these last lines). This poem is like a self-portrait of our world or a mirror image of man's inhumanity, and you have given it to us from your dark crytal. This is indeed a very poetic and telling piece that analyses our own hearts and minds as men and women. Thanks for sharing. Great poem. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-05 11:59:59|
|Love||Audrey R Donegan||That's love in this world Audrey. How men often do it to us can be amazing. I love the free fall aspect that you bring to the poem, and it coincides with falling in love. You use all the right words to make this short poem a gem of a contribution on the subject. The last line speaks volume, the idea of a boy being eternally etched within makes your heart throb. This poem is filled with lovely words. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-04 17:05:14|
|Don't Get Around Much Any More||Mell W. Morris||Very nice poem Mell, and I'm glad that I read it tonight. Your poem just brings to mind all the memories of the jazz and blues of New Orleans. I know that Lena and B.B. are somewhere praying for the people as well as for the history, tradition and atmosphere of New Orleans. It is my prayer. Your poem flows like rhythm and blues (smile). I could actually picture the moment, and I think that you did a very good job brining imagery to every line. I envisioned Lena's tears and kisses and BB plucking away at Lucille. Most importantly, it's a great thing to memorialize people of such great talent and meaning to our country. Even after we are gone, someone will know of such greats because of poems like this. Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-03 21:31:42|
|Tomorrow's Forecast||Rick Barnes||Rick, this is a cute and appropriate poem for just about everything and every thought that can occur. I like the title very much. It's metaphorical as this poem can be taken to speak of weather or whether . . . , and I think that's very clever. I am a fan of short poems that make readers think. Thought provoking words keep us on our feet. How we'll decide whether . . . is always a mystery wrapped in reasoning. Thanks for sharing a piece as poetic and powerful as poetry should be. I appreciated this one, especially in lieu of the disasters left behind by Katrina. Great poem. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-03 21:20:34|
|Fire on Sinai||Paul R Lindenmeyer||Paul, I liked this poem when I first read it. It's just taken me this long to respond. I like the title and the last line keeps the thought lingering. You definitely bring to mind in great illustration a biblical event that is memorable and talked about by pastors and readers all of the time. Again, God triumphs as another false icon/god was knocked down. Great poem. In a few words you illustrate the power of the moment, and it poetically speaks well. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-03 20:00:34|
|Give Me Shelter||michaela z sefler||Michaela, I'm not sure if you wrote this before or after KATRINA, but it is very appropriate for right now and what victims are experiencing in all of the disaster areas in the US. Actually, I see more than that in this poem. I see the hurt of those suffering international crises. The title line rings loud and clear, and it was a gret idea to repeat that line throughout the poem. Give me shelter. Give me relief and give me help are words that often seem to bounce of many ears. I'm praying that in the most recent case, eyes will be opened and all things delivered. Great, touching, heartbreaking, but very real poem. On a more personal level, I recognize that this could be a relationship poem about a soul in need of something more from someone close. Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-09-01 22:44:03|
|Self-portrait of someone else||Mark Andrew Hislop||You certainly captivate a poet's dilemma in this poem Mark. IT's indeed a portrait, a self-portrait for us all. This poem left me reconciling with myself all of the intentions that I have when I write, but sometimes I feel that the need is so great and the words fall on so few ears, and often not enough ears to make a difference, and you speak of this great dilemma in every line of your poem. It becomes a question that we ask ourselves, and we continually question our worth, our greatness, etc. only to bow at the praise of those like us because there's a comraderie, an honesty alwayws, in the words. It’s not the thin feeling Of your fountain pen you fear, (I like how you speak to the audience/the reader and not yourself; this is what makes the title a jewel) Maybe it’s those other people All your words go out to face, All those others in you. (this line reminds me of all of the people who really live inside our heads, and you're right; there are so many; too many to listen to or write to . . . ) Is it hard, Poseidon, at once To be your ocean and your diver Jointly and severally? (Yes, it's often very hard to be everything to everybody or to be all to something or someone is great need) Do your depths drive you mad, (sometimes . . . this is what we're known for, us poets) My God, does it hurt so much To expand into who You are? (Sometimes I think writers are more fearful of the aftermath than fearful of the pain that expansion and growth causes; Then again, it often hurts to venture into thoughts that bring back painful memories, but writing heals; it can bring safety, recovery, clarity and purity. It's why we keep on keeping on.) You are everywhere and everything (so true . . . and we must continue to live and to write) And eternity wakes in you This is a nice poem that gives us a wonderful introspection into our own hearts, minds and souls. It's deep thought for a good cause. Thanks for sharing sucb an intriguing and provoking piece. I truly enjoyed it It read with such passion and flow. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-08-30 01:36:17|
|Paula's Paris||stephen g skipper||This is a great way to memorialize the occasion as well as capture the moment Stephen, in a poem. I like the simplicity of this poem because the beauty of it lies in the actual moment that you have captured. It's so honest, and it paints a very real picture for the readers. The words, although not overdone or heavily written, are very illustrative, and as each line rolls on by I get a glimpse of lovers relaxing in the Parisian breeze. I can see the two of you sitting there and a speaker just basking in the glow of his lover's love. Whether you're in Paris or not, Paula's Paris is where you plan to stay forever, and the joy that you feel is evident in every word. What a lovely poem to write and to share with one you hold so dear. This is what poetry is for, and it must be why God gave it to us, to capture these wonderful moments, but to also give hope to so many readers who will catch a glimpse of the lives we live just by reading. Paula seems to be quite a woman, and I hope that every one in the world can feel the love that you portray in this poem at least once in life. It's worth living for and waiting for. Great poem. I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-08-29 12:12:09|
|We Love Yet||Kenneth R. Patton||This is a short poem, yet it comprises so much said about life, love and living Kenneth. This is the kind of poem that I love to indulge in. It's short, and it gives the reader ample time to review and take in all that it could possible mean. To begin, the title is intriguing and it has a traditional sound and ring to it. It's poetic "We Love Yet" It suggests to the reader that something profound or prolific is sure to follow, and that's totally what I think. The first stanza is telling, and it reveals something so sweet and personal. Tears mingled/caught in a jar/then hung around our necks/EAch in an amulet . . . Not only are these lines poetic, but they are pure and sweet and revealing of a deep love, great feelings between two people, and what you reveal is a love so special that even the tears can be cherished and saved, salvaged or savored. They are keepsakes, and the amulet will transcend time, even when you are gone. People think of tears and crying in many ways, but as you suggest in this first stanza, they are memories to treasure. This is a great meaning to convey. Tears are a great part of love, and I'm glad that you focused on this aspect here. Our fears mingled/sent from afar/then flung from our lives/...and we love yet . . . This second stanza proposes another greater element of love. Often times, one of the greatest hurdles in love involves taking that risk and overcoming those natural fears involved. And you speak of fears mingled here in this poem, and that's very natural . . . to have fears of love or the days to come. The second line / sent from afar / could suggest many things and bring other elements into play here. You could speak of lovers separated or perhaps something in the past come back to confront the love that's shared. It could be about so many things, and this will allow readers everywhere to relate to this poem. Then flung from our lives . . . and that's often what has to happen with fear in order to move on. Yuu have to rid yourself of it, and go on in the name of love And we love yet . . . What a statment, what a poem. You did a very good job with this one. It's just two stanzas, yet there is so much more in every line of the poem. It all works together for a common, greater good, a bold statement on memories and love. Excellent. Thanks for sharing this one. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-08-29 09:37:05|
|One Evening||Dellena Rovito||Dellena, This is a pretty intriguing and great reading poem. The rhymed couplets flow endlessly, and to be honest, even in the end, I was wanting to read more. I couldn't find one loose element within this poem. It is a tightly spun web of great words, syllabic phrases and it tells an interesting story. Quite Cinderella-ish with a twist in the end. I like it. I think I liked the phrase "opalescent moon" which helped to start the very first line of the poem. I'm a word fanatic, so I'm quite given to and driven by the attractiveness of words in a poem. You outdid yourself and gave readers something elevated in nature with every word that you chose in this poem. None of the rhymes seemed forced for rhyme's sake, and it just really works together for the good of the poem. You do a great job to includes such streams of alliteration and assonance and making use of repetitive sounds in the poem: An opalescent moon hung in the high (great variaton on the h' sounds) seducing hearts spilling spells from the sky. (the word seducing here works much like opalescent for me, and the s' sounds give the poem a seductive tone) Dazzle dancing stars told of a meeting… (great d' sounds) wonderful to be: fiery yet fleeting… (and then f's) As Cinderella's slipper was lost, then found (what a fantastic line...) my acquaintance proposed another round. Overall, great poem, great job. I really ejoyed reading this one. It was a change from most of the poems I've read this month. You should be really proud of this one. The couplets are tightly woven and speak volumes in poetry. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-08-28 12:51:47|
|Beautiful Energy||DeniMari Z.||This is some poem, and I gather so many images just from reading it line by line. It has a mythical, mystical tone to it, but beneath every allusion and imagery is a very real situation, perhaps a woman with the desire to be pulled from the depths by this energy of which you write, this beautiful energy. I think that it's also very interesting that you chose ENERGY to offset the poem. Energy comes in various forms, and it can inhabit so many places and things and people. What a pheonemenal subject to include in a poem. I also found leaping at me from every angle, this image of cracks and energy emanating or resurfacing to save the day or the individual in need. The language is different here. The elevation of it adds a provocative and profound flair to the poem. It's not just an everyday poem, and I think that you're written a piece to be very proud of here. I like how it all comes together in a simple, yet complex way. It's the kind of poem that readers like to read over and over again to internalize every word and every meaning. Congratulations on a great write, and I like the idea of "darkness merging to light" when man picks us up. That's beautiful energy. Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-08-21 15:54:44|
|Pole in Hand||Claire H. Currier||Claire, This was a very interesting read. You know ,fishing is something that I've been wanting to do lately. This poem is so great because readers don't expect what happens in the end, and you do a really wonderful job of tellling the story. The tone and mood are great, and you capture the type of memory that one never forgets of childhood. The poem is set up very well, and it reads well from beginning to end. Thanks for sharing a little piece of this history with us. Fishing trips are usually exciting for kids, and I could really sense that excitement and anticipation in every line. And just a little bit, I could sense that this kid wished dad had been a little less concerned about that lure and a little more concerned about the condition of the child's bleeding ear. I think the most poetic lines of this poem for me were the last two "wishing I had gone/swimming instead." Great poem Claire! Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-08-19 14:17:05|
|Excitement||marilyn terwilleger||Definitely Marilyn, I'm certainly the kind of girl who loves entertainment from the time I get up until I close my eyes. I don't always get it though, at least not the kind I'd like. With 2 small sons runnig around all day, it does stay pretty exciting though. I like the fact that you gave this one a one word title. It's simple, but fitting. Sometimes I think writers get really caught up in titling poems, and the result is something that really doesn't work well for the piece. So good job there. You ask one question in this poem, and you offer one very true statement. I'm not sure smiles can be equated to excitement, but then again, if this is a poem to a significant other, smiles can me more than what they suggest. I have heard people say that they get up in the morning just to see another smile. That's romantic and sweet. So, rereading this poem, I see it as definitely the kind of thing I'd say to my husband. Actually, he's probably said this thing more to me . . . since I'm the one who thrives on excitement and have complained about boredom. You definitely made me think with this one. I like most of all how this poem unfolds. You break the lines in just the right places, and each line moves at a poetic pace that causes the reader to internalize every word as it comes together as a thought. Beautiful! Thanks for sharing "Excitement." Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-08-18 23:15:18|
|A Poem With a Title Longer Than Itself||Kenneth R. Patton||Kenneth, You have outdone yourself (smile). You made me seriously laugh. When I saw this poem's title, I didn't even click on it right away. I just sat here thining long and hard: What on earth could it be? What will these few poetic words be. See how you have made me think. Poetry is a beautiful thing, and it's no wonder that titles work well with the work. Because the root or meet of this poem is the title itself. You make me think of how it could be written backwards as follows and still mean so much: IT'S TRUE. IT IS A poem with a title longer than itself (ha-ha) You probably think I'm crazy now. Thanks for breaking the ice with this one. Although I've probably read quite a few poems with longer titles like senryu and haiku, I never quite thought about. So, your poem has truly provoked my thoughts. It makes you wanna just look all over for poems with long titles. I'm not sure if that was your aim or intention (smile), but you push a lot of buttons with this poem. Inquiring minds definitely want to know, and you're right: "It's true. Its." Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-08-12 11:57:03|
|Captive Soul||DeniMari Z.||DeniMari, This was a very interesting read. The title sparked my interest. I wrote a poem in college titled DIVINE CAPTIVITY, and your poem puts another spin on captivity. It's an internal conflict that you write about, and so many people are guilty of experiencing the very feelings that you bring forth in this poem. You speak of a woman. There's something about a female's agony. It's different from male agony. Perhaps because we're more visibly emotional (not at all to say that men are not). You speak of years and of a stain that lingers. Time and hurt and pain can hold a person captive inside their own minds, their own hearts. And when I read this poem, I thought of just that. Someone perhaps afraid to love or live because of hurt, something that still pierces the heart and soul. But, I found favor in the last four lines of the poem. They were great lines: A soul is to choose, think and feel good wisdom sheer divine indifferent being the affliction holding her prisoner of her own design Every line is filled with truth and wisdom. Every soul does make his/her own choices thinking and feeling . . . and wisdom is divine. You say that indifference in an affliction, and that is so true. When we allow feelings of misery or guilt or shame or hurt to overcome us, we're really hindering our own growth and success and peace (it holds us prisoner to ourselves as you say in the last line). You have written a great truth here from which we can all learn, and I'm sure readers could identiy with the picture that you paint here. I sure did. Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-08-10 22:44:09|
|Middle East||Jana Buck Hanks||Very nice Jana, One of my friends just attended her cousin's wedding a few months back in California, and your poem reminds me of the story she told when she returned. The bride's father is Pakistani, and the pre-wedding gala was filled with all kinds of Middle Eastern charm and performances. At some point the bride and groom were masqueraded by dancers just like those you describe here. You did a wonderful job with this poem, and I love how the actual structure of the poem seems to sway and flow with the words. That's a very creative effect to add. Sometimes there's nothing like illustration and illustion, combined with the right words they can make a darn good poem. Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-08-10 17:39:32|
|The Grooms Gift||stephen g skipper||Stephen, this is beautiful, and as I read the poem, I found myself hoping that something like a remarriage or a renewal was the basis of it. I'm sure your wife beamed with joy or perhaps shed some tears when these words were revealed to her. Love is such a beautiful thing, and when we share it with someone who appreciates it, it's marvelous. I can see your love for her in every line. They are sincere and true and uninhabiting. Often men don't reveal these true feelings, but I'm glad that you did. This was a perfect gift from a groom to a bride. Congratulations on the nuptials. It's cute that your children could be involved in the ceremony. There should be no other way. Life can be sweet if/when we make it. Great poem. Congratulations, and here's to a Happy Ending! Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-08-08 10:00:19|
|West of the Sun||Thomas Edward Wright||I loved the last stanza of this poem Thomas. You have incorporated quite a bit of wordplay into this poem, and that's what makes it a beauty, a jewel. It flows well, reads well, and it gives the reader some great images to toy with, some great statements to toss around and think on. The last lines are provocative and bewildering, but it's poetry. Great job. Thanks for sharing. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-08-07 23:57:03|
|Motel Dreaming||John Dean||This is poetry John. This is one of the most eccentric and interesting poems I've read this month. It has a square title, and what unfolds is a great little poem with a twist of fate and fantasy and feeling. I love how you turn the moment into something ultimately beautiful in the end, a rock garden. Who would have thought? And sometimes this is the way love goes, so I think this poem makes a great illustration on love and relationships. The key word is ineptitude. It happens a lot. But you take the results and make something special. That's good advice. This poem is good advice, wishful thinking or just a silly dream. Hence, the title. At any rate, great poem. Great job. I'm glad I read it. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-08-07 23:51:51|
|My Faults||Joyce P. Hale||This was a joy to read Joyce. I think it's wonderful that you can bring a little humor to something that's really real and deserving of discussion. FAULTS is a great title, and I like how this poem is formatted and the story that unfolds. The funny thing is that I can relate to every word of it. My husband often works my last nerve with the little things that he does, but overall, he possesses so many qualities that are of utmost important in a lover and spouse and father. I've learned not to sweat the small things when it comes to him and the household (smile). This is one of the cutest poems I've read. I have only one suggestion, and it's for the word inners. I think it is supposed to be innards. You can check behind me. Other than that, this poem works well. It flows, and the rhyme scheme make it a joy to read over and over and over. It's the kind of poem you just want to read to someone else, and I definitely will. Thanks for sharing it. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-08-07 23:42:46|
|Another Bronx Day||Jesus Manuel Lopez||Jesus, This poem cuts deep and reveals a great truth about the society that we inhabit daily. I'm so glad that you wrote this poem because you paint a brave and daunting picture for those millions of suburbs, miles and communities away from the madness. You point your finger at a social ill that is killing not only our youth, but it's destroying people daily. It's destroying values, hope and love. All we can do is pray and continue to make good choices daily. This madness has to end some place, and your poem will leave a lasting impression of this kind of violence for those who may otherwise never know it or observe it. Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-08-07 23:37:14|
|Cherry Blossom Melody||Jana Buck Hanks||Jana, I'm glad I gave this title a second look and read the poem. It is a jewel. This poem blossomed into something lasting and meaningful. The last two lines (last 4 actually) are jewels to be treasured. You have used poetry and creative words to make a statement that more than deserves to be heard. It's so important to let people know that we are what we are because of them, and you're so right. It's not always teachers. It's not always parents. Sometimes it's people we've met in passing who make lasting impressions on us in some way with their own actions, words, etc. Great job, and thanks for reminding me. The Japanese is a great additive to this poem, and brings something sacred to the tone. Thanks for sharing this one. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com||2005-08-07 23:33:46|
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